Getting out of here.
If you have read my previous posts you know my husband is a lazy parent and husband. I’ve been saving up money for about four months now and only have a couple grand saved up. I’ve been keeping a journal on what I do throughout the day for our child and my step son. I also record what my husband does. I really want to get out of here. Im typing this as I lay in my sons room and not my own. I know this relationship isn’t going to work. He keeps mentioning marriage counseling but I don’t even want to try it. I don’t think a marriage counselor could change such an entitled lazy man and I don’t think it can make me have feelings for him again. I despise him. I hate myself for thinking it was a good idea to marry him. My husband thinks it’s ridiculous I want a divorce and says I don’t put much into a relationship seeing as we’ve only been married four two years. He thinks I am a quitter for wanting to give up on us but I just don’t see it working. His parents pay for all our bills and then some because he isn’t making enough. He is supposed to be at work today and tomorrow and was supposed to be at work Monday but chose to take the whole week off. We all got the stomach flu the night of Christmas Eve and finally began feeling better on Wednesday night. My son kept puking yesterday so I took him to ER while my husband laid on the couch groaning and moaning about how awful he felt. I feel awful too but we can’t just stop being parents when we don’t feel good. The doctor told us to go home and get some rest so we did. She also told us to sanitize everything we have come in contact with in our house. Toys, dishes, blankets, laundry, everything. I spent 5 hours cleaning up the house today to make sure everything was sanitized and he just sat in the couch all day. He claims he helped out by watching our son all day but our so will play by himself on the floor and is fine. He fed him lunch and changed a diaper and claims he helped so much. I asked him to clean the bathroom and he started on it and then went back to the couch. He’s lazy and I can’t deal with it. He doesn’t think he’s lazy. He thinks he works super hard. I’m miserable I need our ASAP. We live in Colorado and the price for a two bedroom apartment is 1500 and up. It’s outrageous. I cannot afford an apartment for me and my son and I even if I could I don’t have money for furniture and household items. I didn’t go to school. Only think I have is my CNA license and even then they only make 12 an hour. Idk what to do. Are there any resources I can use for single moms? How much money should once have saved up before they decide to leave?
I am so sorry
I dont know what to say. If DH's parent are supporting you and him, I dont think they can be forced to pay child support or temporary maintenace. The best that the courts will do is imput 40 hours of minimum wage for him. Is the $12 through an agency? Can you look for work directly? Where the client pays you? It will take a while, but can you look for an elderly person with a cottage, etc where you can live in? You will still have to put DC in childcare?
There is a demand for CNA's in the Denver metro area.
Start with an agency or a nursing type home - they don't pay a lot but it will get you current experience. There is private hire available. Join the nextdoor message board for your area - I have seen requests on there for private cna's.
Yes, there is help available for low income woman just starting out on their own. Contact your local county social service office and they should be able to tell you what programs might be available to you. Contact Workforce Colorado - there are lots of resources there.
Adjust your expectations on where you are going to live. You may have to start with a one bedroom or even a studio apartment. You may be able to find another single Mom and share a house.
Did you contact the lawyer's office I recommended? They might also help you with resources.
^Ditto^
CNA's in my area of Denver tend to be closer to $35K/yr. Hospice may pay more. Visiting Angels & craigslist part-time aides may help you to round out things.
A 2 bedrm sounds too much to expect at this time. Years ago during a life-transition, I had a one bedroom apt w/a 3 yr old child and 100lb dog. Some of our best times. If you're stuck on the space issue, look further out in Aurora perhaps & consider co-living with a roommate.
Smaller towns may have easier rents & nearly all have some healthcare, senior care, private care needs for a CNA.
There are actually lots of resources available besides WIC/SNAP/CHP+/churches & foodbanks. You are not alone, but you do have to do some research & reach out.
You seem to be more than capable of ditching the dead weight in your life & creating a new path for yourself & little one.
Good luck & enjoy your journey!
ETA: post an ISO free ad & you'll be surprised how many chairs, tables, beds & tupperware tubs will appear at your curb.
You don't need
You don't need a 2 bedroom apartment with just yourself and a baby. And you don't need furniture beyond a mattress on the floor, a crib, plastic bins for your clothes, and a card table to start out with. It all depends on what is important to you. Do you want to be out and free of the crazy or do you want a full set of furniture and a nice apartment?
I agree with the others. When
I agree with the others. When I first split from my kids dad I had a degree but it was the recession and the only job I could find after being a SAHM for 4 years was a receptionist making $11.50/hr. Me and my 2 kids and 2 dogs lived in this tiny 2 bedroom place. We were so happy there.
What kind of furnture is there in your current house- don't care if it is "his" or not. Do you have 2 couches? A couch and a chair? Take one. Look on FB marketplace. There are so many people giving away furniture it isn't even funny. You can take your son's things- crib, toddler bed, whatever it is he has in his room. You can sleep on an air mattress. It isn't the best but it will work for now.
Look for studio apartments. Maybe you can find a pullout couch to double as a bed for you and to save space. You might be able to find furnished short term (6 month) lease to start with until you can save more. You are going to be fine. Your baby is going to be fine.
Call your local social security office and see what is offered for help for single mothers. Get on WIC if you aren't. Daycare assistance is also HUGE. My niece has that and it makes it so she can work. I think she only pays $25/week for daycare. She is a dental assistant and only makes $13/hr.
Also, file the day you leave for custody and CS. Don't wait another minute. He who files first always has the upper hand.
I used to live in CO also,
I used to live in CO also, and part of the reason I moved is because of the cost. It is outrageous. However, I just did a quick search on Craigslist, and there are actually a LOT of cute places for under $900! There's a cute 2 bedroom house in Aurora for $770, a 1-bedroom house in Denver for $700, another 2 bedroom house for $885, a 1 bedroom apt. for $500, plus quite a few 1-2 bed apartments for around $800.
If you take the suggestions above (minus CG's), you would be able to get furnishings as well. You can do this!!
If he is not being violently
If he is not being violently abusive I personally would stay. Focus on yourself go to work and get back in school to better yourself. He does nothing so he can take care of your child while you work or go to school. Take advantage that his parents are paying the bills save as much money as you can during this time. Do stuff for you plan out your exit strategy wisely.
I missed that. Then yes she
I missed that. Then yes she needs to get out of there quickly.
You all
You all are amazing. I’m so thankful to be able to come to this website to ask for opinions. Don’t have many friends so this site is great! Thanks for hearing me out.
Amazon in Thornton is always hiring.
The pay is around $13.00 and after a period of time there are benefits available. Apply through 'Indeed."
There should be a number of
There should be a number of help resources for you. First will be the courts when you nail STBXH for CS. The court can impute an income of either minimum wage or a wage comensurate with his qualifications and earning potential so just because he is lazy does not mean he will get a free ride from the courts.
My SS's SpermIdiot is a licensed plumber who worked under the table for cash and minimized his work hours with his employer thinking it would lower his exposure to elevated CS. Nope, my wife knew his history, she went CPA on his useless ass and served the DA with piles of information on the SpermIdiot's earning potential Vs his acual earnings and the DA set CS based on the information we provided. His CS went from $133/mo to $785/mo and direct payroll withholding was invoked. That got the moron's attention.
There are also any number of programs for single parents that include financial support, reduced rent, reduced cost day care, education support benefits so that you can improve your professional qualifications, etc, etc, etc....
So don't tolerate his lazy ass because you don't think that you have any options.
Take care of you. Take care of your baby.
And when he cries about not being able to afford CS make sure you present documentation of the historical support provided by his parents. When we did that with the rent, child care, vehicles, etc... that the SpermGrandParents gave their idiot spawn they just about stroked out when the Judge accepted our motion to consider adding the SpermGrandHag's and SpermGrandPa's income to the SpermIdiot's income for CS calculation. That was a fun moment. Let me tell ya.
In the interest of full disclosure the judge ultimately chose to not attach the SpermGrandParents income for CS but it was fun to watch them stroke out in court.