FSD9 aka the only reason I am afraid to get married......
I love my FDH, he is everything I think a man should be. The only problem is his sassy, smart mouthed, manipulative 9 yr. old. I have tried to put on a fake smile and pretend to like her, but her attitude has to got me to the point that simply ignoring her is the best I can muster. When she is down for her EOW visit, I make sure I have lots of cooking and cleaning to do. I simply don't know what I would do if she had to live with us. So here is my vent from the weekend, am I just being a bitch?----In the past when Fsd has watched certain movies (like Harry Potter) she has had nightmares. So, no surprise, her BM will not allow her to watch these kind of movies.When FDH picked her up she told him "Daaaaaddddyyyy, mommmyyy won't let me watch any ghost movies at all!" Daddy's response- Well if you come live with Daddy when you turn 13 you can watch all the ghost movies you want. WHAT THE F**???!!!
Then, during Christmas at FMIL as she opened a disney barbie she loudly stated " WHY WOULD GRANDMA BUY THIS? I AM NOT A BABY!!! OMG I was so embarressed. I had to give FDH the evil eye to let him know he needed to say something to her.
Friday night I made homemade lasagna and a taste alike Olive Garden salad because FMIL told me that FSD loves it, as do I. The salad was kind of a pain in the ass to make and when we finally sat down to eat, she told her father that she doesn't eat salad.
I have a 9 y/o SD as well as
I have a 9 y/o SD as well as an 11 y/o SD. In my opinion, the 9 y/o is so much worse to deal with than the 11 y/o. I think the older girl, while still has some feelings of jealousy, understands that his being with me is so much better than him being alone all the time and is more accepting. The 9 y/o just sees me as competition. When he first started bringing them around, I had to have a talk with him. I told him that if we were to have children one day, I would like our children to be raised with rules and discipline, because that's how I show love. I do not want my child raised this way while his run wild and do whatever they please. He seemed to get it and it's gotten alot better. They still whine and complain alot, but he says the word "no" alot more than he used to.
The first problem is your
The first problem is your fdh. BIG trouble there saying things like that.
The second problem, the 9 yr old was right...my 9 yr old was done with princess stuff over a year ago...she just needs to be taught how to accept a gift-no matter what it is- graciously.
The third problem is you. Learn NOW not to do anything to win over the skid, because you will forever be disappointed. Going to a lot of trouble to make that salad and then expecting her to react a certain way is just asking to be let down. This is not her fault.
The problem that sp's run into is that once the skid has ticked them off somehow, everything they do from that point forward is looked at differently. We assume the kid is being hateful, vindictive, manipulative, and the truth is, most kids aren't that sophisticated. For instance, my bf wants to watch the football game and my daughter is dancing in the living room. He asks her to move. She wants to dance. She keeps getting in his way, and he thinks she's doing it on purpose. She is doing it because she wants to dance. And I don't understand why she can't dance in her own living room...while he can pause or rewind the dvr if he misses something... It's all about perspective. He doesn't live here or pay the bills, this is HER home, let the girl dance! LOL At the same time, his kids do stuff and he forgives them a second later. Not the same with skids... when skids do stuff it all piles up and gets the sp even more angry, even months later.
I would take the dancing in
I would take the dancing in the living room problem any day over the things she does. I would agree that most kids are not that sophisticated but fsd is not most kids.
How do you get these guys to
How do you get these guys to see it without getting the " You just hate my daughter response"?
You can't. That's why we just
You can't. That's why we just learn not to say a word and let their children hang themselves. Some dads will never learn, some get screwed over so bad they finally get it.
YEP!
YEP!
Wrong wrong wrong "if you
Wrong wrong wrong "if you come live with me..." Nope wrong. He's bribing her plan and simple. I promise you, you are going to have problems with this one come age 13-14. Spoiled and uses her parents against each other. I have a SD16 that does this now.
My rule is that I probably won't get married. IF I were to change my mind, the rule would then be, after the skids are grown (i.e. past being teenagers)
If I had known what being a
If I had known what being a stepmother would be like, I never, ever, ever, ever would have gotten married.