I hope this post finds you well and you're able to get something out of it whether it be inspiration or a simple smile

I was in a relationship with a boy (not man, boy) for almost 3 years. He had a child that was 7 years old at the beginning of our relationship. I must say that the first time I met the child I should have RAN FOR THE HILLS! Literally, I should have walked away the day I met the kid. Actually....I should have walked away the day I met my ex as he did not tell me he had a kid until we met. RED FLAG!

I am sure there are some beautiful mixed families out there who put the work in and have had some positive results in building a strong, healthy, and cooperative environment for everyone involved. My story couldnt be further from that...

Was I blinded by love? No! Blinded by the mask my ex wore as he was a COVERT NARCISSIST! Guys, look this up! If you have experienced any of the following: love bombing, slowly devaluing, gaslighting, discard, then hooooooooover~where they are gone but come back time and time again!

I wasn't aware of any of these terms or the fact that my ex was a narcissist. I blamed the child and I am very guilty of doing so. The child was disruptive, argumentative, had clear Oppositional Defiant disorder, and cried all the time and I mean literally every hour at the age of 7 to 10 years old over just about anything! He cried if he didn't like his lunch. He cried if he bumped his knee. He cried if he was told to be kind. He cried relentlessly! He would also talk back regardless, no matter what the case! Everything and I mean absolutely anything was an argument with this kid. He would argue for the sake of arguing and even when he got his way he would be smug.

"O, thank you for being polite and saying thank you." O-"I always say thank you, you just don't listen." 

"O, what would you like to do tonight? Laser tag, arcade, we can eat whatever you want and watch a fun movie!?" O-"I don't like when you and Dad are happy, it annoys me." This was literal conversations as though the kid was demonic or something!

I thought he was a little brat, I couldn't stand the kid or the fact that he was so rude and verbally abusive towards me. What was I doing wrong!? I'll tell you; I wasn't listening to my inner voice telling me that it wasn't the kids fault! He was born out of hatred to parents that did not want him and made that very clear from day 1. My ex said, "The day he was born was the worst day of my life!" BM is a sad woman, does tiktok constantly looking for attention and is all over social media with numerous selfies a day. Poor girl, I hated her for being a part of our lives when I should have pittied her for what my ex had done. She got pregnant and thought her boyfriend (my ex) of 7 years would step up to the plate but he in fact told her, "If you have this child, we will not be together." I believe, deep in my heart, that my ex dispises her bc she loves their kid and he knew she would put the kid ahead of him. Seriously messed up!

Sorry, this is getting long! What I am trying to say is that I blamed the kid and the BM when I should have been looking at my ex all along. He was so good at pretending and I will go forward in the world knowing that there are bad people out there and they may just be whom you least suspect.

The kid made suicidal comments regularly, sits on his ipad from sunrise to sunset, and has rotted teeth...have his parents done anything to get him help for mental and physical health problems? NO! 

What can I do now you ask? I have and will continue to ignore the blocked calls/emails/social medai/any form of contact that my ex attempts. I will pray every day that his child gets the help that he needs to prevent something awful happening in the future. I will pray for the BM that she finds a man after these 10 years of loneliness that does not abandon her the way my ex did. 

Above all else~I will forgive myself for being naive and falling for the act. I will be honest and open about my expectations in any future relationship. Any advice I can give; do not ignore the red flags! Walk away in the beginning, as soon as you can, if you sense this is not your world and you will not be happy. Relationships are hardwork and relationships with step children are even harder! But, we don't have to stay. The best part about being us is having the ability to leave!

God Bless you all and I hope everyone reading this finds closure, clarity, and inner happiness without a man/woman!