Freaking out! What do I do?
My husband has an on-call job on weekends now and he told me "If for some reason I get called out tomorrow when SD's mom drops her off, you need to go out and give her these papers" (They are the papers he needs to serve by the end of the month for court next month).
1. WHY THE HELL DO I HAVE TO GO GIVE THEM TO HER, I AIN'T THE ONE TAKING HER TO COURT
2. THAT'S NOT MY KID I'M FIGHTING FOR
3. I HAVE NEVER EVEN MET SD'S MOM IN PERSON AND I CERTAINLY DON'T WANT MY FIRST IMPRESSION TO BE "Hey, hi, DH said to make sure you get these, sorry, bye."
I am having so much anxiety right now about this and he was like "She is never home when I go over there and she HAS to get these by the end of the month"
HELP ME PLEASE. WHAT DO I DO. THIS IS SO UNCOMFORTABLE. I have been thinking all day about what I am going to do if that happens, should I just wait for SD at the door and tell her to run them out to her mom and say these are from dad or what???
HELP ME. TRADE LIVES WITH ME. KILL ME. SOMETHING.
Can you have someone else
Can you have someone else over when she's supposed to stop by? Get them to serve her, If I had to do that, my sister would be here for that
I'd somehow, some way get a
I'd somehow, some way get a friend or relative to help me out if I were you to serve those papers. Offer to pay them, buy them lunch, whatever. Ultimately it's up to you to do it or not.
You can say it's irrelevant all you want, but how long has your DH been dragging his feet on this, sitting on these papers to be served by the end of the month? What a compromising position he has put you in if he so happens to conveniently get called to work before she arrives.
Seriously. I'd be pissed.
Exactly !
Exactly !
I just don't like to have
I just don't like to have conflict with him. I'm a newlywed and I have severe depression, I get extremely anxious and uncomfortable with disagreements, it stresses me out so much sometimes that I catch myself just doing what I disagree sometimes JUST to avoid conflict. Bad I know, but that's just how I am for some reason.
You're right. I don't know. I
You're right. I don't know. I just feel like somehow it'll all be my fault if she doesn't get them. apparently she "Hasn't been home" every time he's gone over to drop off SD for their week (BM lives with the grandmother). I just always feel so much pressure because I'm the wife. I know I shouldn't but I do. But I certainly don't want to do his dirty work, so you're right, maybe I can convince a friend or my brother in law to do it. Although I really don't think it's anyone's place but DH's to serve them.
But whatever.
As long as it isn't gonna be me.
Shouldn't these papers be
Shouldn't these papers be sent certified mail or delivered via sheriff, process server, or lawyer to lawyer? I can't imagine it standing in court that "Yes, my new wife served the papers to my ex." It would be her word against yours. Tell DH that you'll help him find a process server but won't be able to legally serve them yourself. You're smart to stay out of it!
^^^^^^^^. Just send them
^^^^^^^^. Just send them certified mail. Simple. And he sends it, not you.
Yeah, really!! Does DH WANT
Yeah, really!! Does DH WANT to see his wife and ex-wife hating on each other even more forever and ever? Certified mail. $6. Case closed.
Do not, under any
Do not, under any circumstances, have SD take the papers to BM. That is all kinds of wrong and in no way would be considered a proper service.
In my state certain kinds of court papers cannot be served by a person involved in the case. Is your DH sure he can even serve them? If I was you, I would not do it. It puts both you and BM in a very awkward situation.
DH can hire a process server on Monday and they might be able to get it done. If not, he will have to re-file.
Yeah, I don't really know
Yeah, I don't really know what's right or wrong in this case, we live in Canada and he is usually the one that has given her the papers. I'm just going to wait and see, if he does get called around that time I'll just tell him to have his brother do it or wait to do the call (which I know he CAN do). I'm not getting involved in any of it. I won't be the one in that court room with her, he will. Otherwise I'll just find something to distract myself with in and "forget". But I have a feeling he'll be reminding me tomorrow and if he does I'm just going to say no and have him be angry. I know the reality of it is just handing her some damn papers, but it's just not my place. I've never met her or said a single word to her. I just don't think it's appropriate. That's like having the new wife serve divorce papers, you just don't do it.
Her anger about my husband taking her to court would also then be associated with me if I gave them to her, and I would never feel comfortable if I have to encounter her later on if I did that. Plus what if she read it right then and there and got pissed off and did something crazy to me (dunno if she's like that but you never know).
Nope. I'm not doing it. Absolutely not. You guys are right, my reasons are valid.
I suggest your husband get
I suggest your husband get her served by a process server, not by you! This is a horrible way to start a relationship with the BM! She will never forgive you!
Exactly. He was like "Just go
Exactly. He was like "Just go outside and see if she'll meet you halfway at the porch so he doesn't come in...etc etc" like no. I can't do that, I won't. I'm seriously taking my pills tonight so tomorrow I'm not doing jack or feeling guilty about jack.
Ouch, I am right here you
Ouch, I am right here you know. I did tell him this morning that he needs to find someone else or make sure he's here tonight. I'm just a wife, I feel bad when he needs my help with something as simple as giving someone a paper and I say no. I've always had a problem saying no to people. Excuse me for living.
I suppose it may be gender
I suppose it may be gender specific, because I've always been afraid to confront my father with issues I had with him, my brothers, and now my husband. I'm just a tiny little woman, they'd never take me seriously. I've never had a problem calling out my mom or sisters or (even you in this case haha) when I am bothered but there's something in men I fear...it may be strange but they just get me so upset and bothered in a conflict, maybe because they don't often listen to what I have to say the way a woman does. All the men in my life are quick to get offended and cut me off, my dad this to me a lot as a child whenever I disappointed him. Brothers would call me a whiny little b**** if I was angry or disagreeing with them, and now my husband just assumes my unwillingness of wanting to get involved with his parenting affairs means that I don't support him the way a wife should or care enough about his child to get involved.
I'm a softspoken person most
I'm a softspoken person most of the time and keep to myself about a lot of things. Confrontation makes me uncomfortable and putting myself in situations I don't belong in makes me uncomfortable too. I wish I could develop the attitude of "I'm going to say how I feel to your face and not care whether you agree or not" when it comes to my husband but that often eats away at me all day long rather than me being able to shrug it off and go with the flow. I still feel guilty for telling him no this morning, but I have not gone over to him and said "I feel bad for telling you no, so I will do it." It's not often that I have to stick up for myself in this house so I panic when the times come that I need to.
You're right, don't do it. If
You're right, don't do it. If you do this one, he will continue to use you for more stuff, it will never end.
I agreed to communicate with BM's partner, so that my DH wouldn't have to communnicate with psycho BM and now I have to disengage from everyone, because NOBODY will leave me alone.
Life is too short, don't get involved.
One of the worst things about
One of the worst things about being a Step is all the endless uncomfortable situations you get thrown into.
Agreed.
Agreed.
He's not gone for long when
He's not gone for long when he gets (if he gets) a call, about an hour. She has to be dropped off by 7pm so I don't really know. PP is right though, I didn't think about him going over there to pick her up rather than her being dropped off. Idk why he drops her off there and BM drops her off here. I can't be too angry with his work schedule...