Found Out SD11 is cutting
A lot of my previous blogs on here have been about SDs mental health diagnosis (plural). She has depression, anxiety, ADHD, and ODD. She has been going to therapy off and on for a couple of years. More recently, was prescibed medication about 6 months ago. Adderall for ADHD and a Nightly anxiety med.
BM doesn't have SD take the meds. And DH is extremely lazy about it. He basically let SD decide to stop taking it during the summer to have a "break" and said he will have her start taking it again when school starts. When she does "take it" he doesn't even watch her.
She is awful when she is off her meds. Extremely low self-esteem, body issues, terrible social anxiety and severe depression. It has gotten the worst I've ever seen it this summer. Her anixety is so bad she doesn't play with friends, spend time with family, etc. She is obsessed with her weight. She locks herself in her room with her phone all day and night. Awake all night and sleeping all day. Food is EVERYWHERE in her room. It's a biohazard.
SD has told both DH and BM in therapy that she thinks about killing herself. Her parents are totally aware of how bad off she is.
A few days ago DH took SD out shopping for her birthday. Brand new skateboard, clothes, shoes, backpack etc. SD11 kept gushing how it was "the best day ever" and is "totally stoked about her super sick" new skateboard and "so happy". I honestly thought she seemed better. Fast forward a few days and she has done a complete 180. DH has barely seen her in two days. She refuses to eat.
Well I made dinner last night and everyone declined. I told DH it's fine if no one is hungry, but we all need to sit down together. He trudged upstairs and dragged SD out of her room.
She ate a couple of bites and then told DH she wanted to tell him something. SD said "I started cutting myself." DH wasn't visibly mad or upset. But he immediately started with a whole slew of questions.
- Let me see
- What happened?
- Is this the first time?
- Does your mom know?
- Have you done it at your mom's?
I immediately thought to myself ...
"She shouldn't even know what cutting is" But her parents give her unlimited access to a cell phone they don't monitor.
"How can someone go from 'the best day ever' to another extreme in literally a couple of days?"
I don't have any experience with cutting but have tried to read up on something online. My biggest thing I can't wrap my head around... I don't understand how a parent can watch their child suffer and not enforce boundaries to help them cope. I feel on some level the lack of parenting on BOTH parts is almost neglect.
Does anyone have experience with this? I feel my hands are tied with the (lack of) parenting choices BM and DH have made. Without getting on the proper medication and CONSISTENT therapy sessions, I feel SD is set up for a lifetime battle with her mental health issues,
IMO, I feel like at soon as these issues started coming up (around 5 y/o) they should have been intervened with then. SD should have never been given full access to a phone and been exposed to who knows what. The YEARS of DH and BM blaming each other for SDs problems, instead of facing them, has reared it's ugly head.
Advice, feedback, and personal stories welcomed.