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Fiance dropping out of custody battle..don't know how to feel about it

emmalee05's picture

So my fiance has dropped out of the custody battle because he's going to be gone for a year or two working up north and I don't know how to feel about it. His son is 5, and he only just started to see him again regularly since requesting visitation from his ex and her husband. I don't understand why he would take the job over his son. I know he's only going to be gone a year or so but I think this is a crucial time in his son's life and he needs to be here for him. he has a prefectly fine BM and stepdad but that doesn't negate the need for his bio-dad in his life. I feel like my fiance is feeling not in control and helpless in the custody pursuit and has just given up. I have been struggling with this step-mom thing for a bit but I have sort of found a way to deal with my emotions by disengaging and making myself busy when SS is around so I don't get overwhelmed and stressed out. And as much as I wish my fiance didn't have any children, I can't imagine my life now without the little guy. Sure hes annoying and a pain sometimes but it could just be his age and the fact that he doesn't get to see his dad much so he's pretty demanding of his time? I don't know. I guess what I'm scared about is that he'd just as easily abandon me and our future children together for the sake of bettering himself. He wants me to go with him and was a little taken back that I don't want to move with him right away as I have a life here. I told him it would be hard to leave a job that I really like just to go up to the middle of nowhere and have trouble finding a job. But of course he thinks i should just go up there and just work anywhere to help him make ends meet. he doesn't consider the fact that I may want to build my career somewhere too..but just to follow whereever he goes..it would be a different story if he was moving somewhere where he was making a lot of money and could support us both..but hes not..he would be making a decent wage to start but it would be a struggle....

buttercup123's picture

Yours fears are very legitimate. Let me ask you this; are ther other jobs close to his son that he could take? These are hard times and sometimes you have to go where the money is.

kidsaplenty's picture

I think you have seem something profound that few do before they get married. Basically if he could abandon his son he could just as easily do that to you and your kids. I personally ran for the hills from any guy like this when dating because it speaks to character.