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FH wanted me to ask you STalkers.......

ubrngoutdbitchnme's picture

Okay, I know Teenagers are all about their friends and their social life. Wanting to be out and about all the time.

So my FH wants to know: HOW often should you allow your teenager to go out?

Should they be allowed to go out every weekend?

What is a reasonable curfew time?

Or do you say 1 weekend of hanging out and the other weekend stay home?

If you are going out today Friday night, then tomorrow night Saturday you stay home?

How often do you let your teenager spend the night at a friends house?

If they have spent the night, when they come home are you okay with he or she coming home and going straight into their rooms and sleeping for the rest of the day?

Do you ground them from not going out with friends if they have missing school work or a grade lower than a D in a class?

freedoms.

buttercookie's picture

Depends Most the time I agree that they should not get to go out every weekend, or both nights, exception being in our case was Homecoming week at highschool and if there were school sponsored functions then we allowed them to go out more. They need family time as well as socialization with friends. They also need to know life isn't all about going out, Its a delicate balance and it depend on how they are behaving and what they are doing.

ubrngoutdbitchnme's picture

SD is 15 going on 16 next week. But any age. How about 14 through 16 year olds?

WeddedBliss.sofar's picture

I say school functions are fine. Curfews should be set and followed. No going out if grades are bad. AND teens should have to earn money to go out on by making sure their chores are done. I could care less if they sleep all day after a night out, my younger kids do the same thing after a sleepover. I think if the teen is home by curfew Friday night, then they could go someplace Saturday night, but only after given chores to do to earn it ie - dishes, laundry, dusting, vacuuming, etc......

This has worked for me with my teenagers, and it's great that I can get some help with household chores on the weekends from them.

CowGirl's picture

I think it all depends on how well they are doing in school and definitely trust!! Teenagers don't want to hang out with their parents and i feel that maybe 1-2 days a month of a planned "family night" would be a good idea. A curfew time may change with an event ... again that would be a trust issue and how well they are doing. If they start to fall behind in school or lie about where they are then those are good reasons for grounding or cutting off going out as often.

I am not okay with them sleeping in all day. If they stay up all night then that is there problem. A power nap - okay. They should do anything that needs to be done - ie: homework, chores and have dinner with the family.

This is all just my opinion of course Wink

hismineandours's picture

My 14 year old dd is on the go constantly. She was gone both nights this past weekend. This weekend she is having a friend stay the night. She has sleepovers pretty much every weekend-i usually try to alternate-one weekend here at our house and the next can be at someone else's. As far as "going out"-they dont really go out-they might go to a ball game, a school dance, or a bday party in which they are dropped off and picked up at. So there's never really been a need to set a curfew.

As far as sleeping all day-not really an option. She typically has chores, homework, or we have somewhere to be. If she truly had nothing to do I would be ok with her taking a nap-although again she rarely has nothing to do.

Yes, I would absolutely ground her for poor grades. I would ground her for anything below a B. For me, it wouldnt even necessarily be a "grounding' but rather a natural consequence. Your grades are slipping and you need to be spending more time at home on schoolwork vs running around with your friends.

My dd14 is a good kid. Making all a's, is in Church, youth group 3x a week, does chores around the house-etc-I have no reason at this point to restrict her freedom. She has made some mistakes at different times and when she does she is immediately restricted on cell phone, computer, and going places. If she shows poor behavior, I have no problems severly restricting her privileges.

Jsmom's picture

My 16 year old, has to spend one day of the weekend either home or out with us. The other day he can do what he wants with his friends as long as his room is clean and any chores are up to date. But, he is a Straight A student, so he gets more freedom. He usually tells me on Friday what his plans are for the weekend. I am really flexible with him, but he can't be gone all the time. It has to have balance.

Just say no more than you say yes and you usually have a pretty good kid...

ubrngoutdbitchnme's picture

How old are your kids Lost?

What happens if they do not show up on time? Is there consequences for that?

hbell0428's picture

we have 4- the most social are SD14 & BD12 - they are 100% different in every aspect. So we can't clump them together. One is (SD) perfect as school; great butt kisser - gets good grades; at home diff story; liar, cheater, trouble maker...loves boys too much etc... The other of course BD isn't into boys yet, doesn't really lie (yet), does chores w/o crying, does what I ask without jumping up and down; isn't very good at school, grade wise - she has learning disabilities.
DH and I bump heads - I think he lets SD do too much all the time; vice versa! We just went through months of hell w/ SD and I don't think this is the time to turn the other cheek just because she is "being good" this week if you catch my drift. She/ They are allowed to have sleepovers on the weekend. One at our home; or one away; on occasion 2. Depends. SD is able to stay out on school nights to 9:30 or so. All the other 3 are sleeping by this time. We know as you know your children's potential.......so we go off what we expect them to do.

ubrngoutdbitchnme's picture

Wow.....My FH would have NEVER allowed my SD15 when she was 14 to be out til 9:30 on a school night! He still wouldn't allow her to be out until that time.

Bojangles's picture

Overall I think the answers depend on:
-age of teen
-maturity of teen
-trustworthiness of teen
-whether teen is resident or part time

HOW often should you allow your teenager to go out?
I wouldn't set a fixed limit unless I felt they were exceeding what was reasonable and/or the amount of time they were spending out was reflecting problems/issues at home. Teens need to start separating from their parents and developing their own independence, they are supposed to find their friends much more interesting than their parents! If they were out more than they were in, or they were spending so much time with friends that it was impacting on famiily relationships then I would discuss that with them and try to agree a fair limit without laying down the law.

Should they be allowed to go out every weekend?
Yes, unless there are other family plans in place. There is no point obliging a teen to stay home if there is nothing happening, that just breeds resentment. However if the teen is only with you EOW and you are losing valuable access time then some sort of limit can be appropriate.

If you are going out today Friday night, then tomorrow night Saturday you stay home?
See above, avoid making rules for the sake of it.

What is a reasonable curfew time?
You have to assess what's right for you and your teen, if you can trust that they're at a friends or known venue then I'd have a curfew half an hour before bedtime.

How often do you let your teenager spend the night at a friends house?
I am more wary about this one. Sleepovers can just be a harmless craze they grow out of, but they can also be a cover for bad behaviour so you have to use your judgement. For a child under 16 I would insist on contact information for parents and would spot check that they are where they said they would be, with who they said they'd be with. If it was a nice friend with good parents I would allow fairly regular sleepovers, but I would want a balance of the sleepovers taking place at my house. When my SD went off the rails and broke trust with us she was not allowed to sleep away from home at all for nearly a year.

If they have spent the night, when they come home are you okay with he or she coming home and going straight into their rooms and sleeping for the rest of the day?
Yes as long as they don't have chores outstanding. Sleeping is what teenagers do.

Do you ground them from not going out with friends if they have missing school work or a grade lower than a D in a class?
Yes, breaches of trust or lack of responsibility should have consequences.

ubrngoutdbitchnme's picture

Thanks everyone that has replied! FH has an older son (24 years old now) that was more of a homebody than SD15 is. I don't have any experience with teenagers. So all of your replies are very helpful to me and I will pass this info on to my FH.

stepfamilyfriend's picture

It depends. Are they taking care of assigned chores? Do they have a good record of telling the truth as far as their whereabouts? And so forth.
I don't understand having a rule that they have to be home every other weekend or one day a weekend. It should depend. Sometimes there will be reasons to not let them go: grounding, extra chores to help out with, family functions etc. During the week is different and even on weekends you want to know where they are, with whom they are, and depending on the age and child, have frequent contact with the other parents.
As they get to 17, I'd loosen the reins quite a bit, because you don't want them to get to 18 and not be responsible enough to handle that kind of freedom. Of course, even in this case it depends on the kid and even on where you live and what crime/scene your area has.
You want to give them enough freedom that they can mess up a little, because the best time for them to make those mistakes, is really while they still live with their parents; not to save them from the consequences, but because having someone that loves you around, when you fall is much better then doing all the falling, all at once, on your own.