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Feeling put into a corner

MayCorine85's picture

So my SD has had a lot of behavioral issues in the past. In the past 6months alone her DM has called crisis people on her at least once a month if not more for her behaviors at home or school. This last time the mental facility finally kept her. Yesterday my DH was told that she couldn't be released until they had a plan for where she would stay. My SD won't agree to not act up at her DM. The other options is us or a facility and we have to tell them by Thursday. Im so frustrated by all this. I feel like her DM has just given up and wants is to now deal with it. We have twin 2yr olds and I'm a teacher! I am already at my max mentally and emotionally daily. I just dont know how to deal with this. DH agrees that full time right now doesnt work for us, but honestly I dont won't it all. SD is too unstable for me and honestly I dont won't all that around my kids  all the time.  I just want to breathe and not have all this drama with her all the time. Don't know how much more I can do.

Siemprematahari's picture

I don't blame you for not wanting all this in your home and I'd be very honest about that with your H. He and BM need to research other alternatives aside from the home and hopefully a facility will help with her behavioral issues. If you take her in now, it may be hard to send her back to her mother and there's no telling what drama she's going to stir up in your house. Your kids don't need to be around that dysfunctional. I know this is difficult but at the end of the day do what is in the best interest for you and yours.


oatsnhoney's picture

That happened to me. BM didn't want to deal with the crazy she created, facility needed the plan.. I said no. Because I have a young child.


Its my line in the sand.


I hate that this is part of my life. I wish it gone.

MayCorine85's picture

Was DH ok with that? Im so stuck on being the bad guy, but Im just not ok with it.

sandye21's picture

Think of it as a gift to your children and the survival of your family.  Sometimes being the 'bad guy' turns out to be the best move you can make.  Just say, "No" and let your DH work it out with BM.  It's their job anyway, not something you should have to deal with.

oatsnhoney's picture

My long reply crashed. Anyway, no and yes. Because as the father of our little one, he too was afraid. But as the father of my skid.. he had guilt and worry. He gets stuck in the middle and I told him I really empathize and feel bad for his position. But non the less my position stands. As a mother I must follow my gut. And I insist on being comfortable and feeling my home is safe and healthy for myself and my child. No maybes, no hopes for the best.

we are circling round 2 as SS hintedto me about staying here this summer. I didn't tell DH yet. But that's a hard no way in hell.

tog redux's picture

What is the "facility"? If she could benefit from some sort of residential treatment, they should agree to that. Usually it's relatively short-term (ie 6-9 months or so) and then a plan will need to be made afterward for her to return to someone's home. 

In my state at least, for some placements (depends on the type and how they are referred, etc), DH and BM could end up paying the state to keep her there (the equivalent of child support). 

At the same time, why does BM get to say she can't keep her, but you guys have to? The time should at least be split, not just at your house. 

Rags's picture

It sounds to me that you have your answer.

A residential facility it is.

Keep the calm in your world.

CLove's picture

Was 5150'ed by her mother a few months ago. We did not present our home as an option - since SD was an adult BM needed to figure it out for herself. They still live together and she was in a hospital for about 10 days. I dont think it did any good, but she has access to meds now.

Definitely do not open your home up to the mental shenanigans. You have your babies and your career to support and protect.

notarelative's picture

If placement in a facility is an option, DH needs to say yes to it. Your house, with two young children, is not an option. If BM is not happy, she needs to take her daughter home. If DH is not happy, he can find an apartment for him and SD and deal with her.

Even intact first families choose a residential placement if the need is there. Residential placements are very rare, so if it is being offered, it is needed. Residential placement is getting her the help she needs, not abandoning her.

oatsnhoney's picture


MayCorine85's picture

SD never says.... whenever SD is asked her response is I don't know and shuts down. I personally believe that she doesn't know how to deal or express her feelings so she acts out.