Feeling overwhelmed and fustrated/ need advise
I am besides myself and don't know how to handle my newly blended family. I am hoping to get some words of wisdom. I will try not to drag this post out.
We blended families is June. My children moved from out of state to our new home. Ages are 16, 14, and 12. The oldest two are boys and are doing well. My daughter is doing horribly. We chose to move out of state because my family is here. In addition my fiance daughter lives here also. At first our girls were very excited to go to school together. Before school began my step daughter told my daughter ( BIG TIME TOM BOY) that she would not fit in if she doesn't do something with her hair other than pull it in a pony tail. My daughter went and got a cute hair cut the next day. Well that evening my step daughter told her that she cut her hair to short and that she won't fit in. I told my daughter not to worry about it.
Fast forward, instead of step daughter helping my daughter out with being the new kid in school, step daughter's friends are bullying my daughter terribly. To the point I have her in therapy. My fiance talks with his daughter about the bullying/ as she has become a part of it, but this child has never been truly reprimanded for it.
We are also in the process of planning her batmitva. My fiance and myself are Catholic, her mother is Jewish. My fiance was layed off in October and has yet to find work. He is paying 100% of his child support, but this batmitva has killed us financially. We are two weeks away from the big date and my child support is now paying for the end of it. My problem lies with his exwife called and told him she now has hired a bus to drive the children from the ceremony to the reception a whole 2.5 miles. We need to give 250.00 towards this bus and he agreed. Well I hit the roof!!! Two of my children's birthday's are days before the batmitva and I had saved 250.00 for their bday gifts/ parties. This money is now gone due to this stupid bus!!!!
Since Oct. we have really cut back because his half of his unemployment is to pay child support. I know we are a team and I had no problem doing more than my fair share to help with our household expenses, yet my kids have been told no over and over again when it comes to extras. That goes even with my kids playing sports. My oldest son is gifted as was able to take 12 college credit courses this spring. However, we had to pay 700.00 towards this. It would have been wonderful for him and a great help his first year of college..However, the finances are not there to make the payment in Dec. so we had to tell him no. As much as this tore me apart, We just had to cut back.
However, his daughter is never told no. This batmitva has become a circus and has financilly bankrupt us. When I speak to my fiance about it he tells me that we just don't understand how big of a deal this is in the Jewish faith. I understand it is indeed a big deal, but why throw a small wedding when the finances are not there???? It's simple economics!
As of Sunday after I found out about this bus I can't even look at him or his daughter. I am LIVID over the fact that MY children are going to have to do without once again while his daughter gets a big Batmitva.
I love this man with everything in me. He is kind to a fault. I think this is where the issue lies. If someone was broken down six hours away and called him for a ride home, he would be there. I think his kindness is being used against him with this batmitva. He only invited 20 family members to the event to keep cost down, but his ex invited 112 people and his daughter has 26 friends coming...The spending is out of control. He gets told how much his half is and pulls it from his pocket. However, his pockets are empty right now.
I want to speak to him, but am so angry that I need the words to help me talk to him. Because right now my words are not so very nice going through my head! LOL!
Any advice would help greatly.
If YOU saved the money, don't
If YOU saved the money, don't give it to him. Just refuse. It isn't YOUR faith, it isn't YOUR kid.
And I would look at moving out as soon as you can. His daughter has driven your daughter to therapy. She doesn't stop her friends from bullying her. And even if they are not the best of friends (I think it is very unfair to expect 2 kids the same age to be best buds or even friends just because their parents decide to marry/live together)does not mean his daughter should allow other kids to pick on her.
You are allowing your daughter to be a victim of your engagement. It isn't working out for you and your children although his daughter seems to be reaping all the rewards.
Move out for a while and see if things settle down. But no WAY hand over that money!
I am upset. However for three
I am upset. However for three months my ex didn't pay child support at all and my fiance floated us. So that is why I was more than happy to help him when he got layed off.
The part that burns is that when I wasn't getting support I told my kids no for extras. When he first got laid off I told my kids no for extras. Now this Batmitva is upon us and his ex is going hog wild and just handing him bills to pay half.
I have told him I feel all of this is over and above what he should be paying for since he is out of work and it is NOT his faith and he is AGAINST his daughter making a Batmitva.
However, he doesn't want his daughter to be angry and wants to make this day special for her.
I have to really think this over and find the words I need to use to drive my point home tonight.
Hello, I resently married a
Hello,
I resently married a funny, kind, smart, passionate, and handsome man. He has a 6 year old son that we have 50% of the time. We are both in our 40's and have busy carreers. I have known his boy since he was 3 years old and the boy and I hit it off immediately and we were the best of friends---until his BM realized his dad and I were getting serious then she started telling the boy that I was yucky, that I liked the devil, ......et al. My husband was never married to the boy's BM--it was very casual and after a couple of months she announced she was preg. (she has an older child whose dad got the same surprise). Anyway, she is a total user and very manipulative.
I love my husband very much and we never fight except for issues surrounding Junior. I have the following common frustrations;
1) I hate that she is able to use my husband financially. She lives with her current boyfriend and does not work. She lives off her kids child support and does not pay for childcare or school lunches, cloths shoes or even hair cuts. He pays $755.00 per month plus another $40.00 for school lunches and $200.00 plus for childcare that mostly gets used by her (at the school). My husband has tried to just only pay his share to the school but then she never pays her share and he gets close to not being allowed to attend. Same with lunches--she puts total crap he hates in his lunch so my husband pays for hot lunches everyday. She knows that my husband can't stand for the boy to go without and knows if she let's his hair get long, cloths tattered, shoes too small did will provide all. My husband would like to take her to court but cannot afford an attorney right now.
2) The boy lives in front of the TV. It is on from the minute he walks into the house until he goes to bed. he eats all his meals in front of it and has awful table manners because of it, no one is allowed to change his channel to watch something else.
3) He baby talks and whines--drives me nuts.
4) I feel like a visitor in my own home when he's there because it's all about him--I can't even put away his legos when he's not there because he gets mad.
5) He has behavior issues at school--pissed and pooped his pants at school a lot last year and is having to repeat kindergarten this year. I am a pediatric RN and try to make suggestions but my husband is sooo sensitive when it comes to the boy he won't discuss issues with me and we end up fighting.
I used to try to be a "mom" to him when he visits, I drove him to school, helped with bedtime stories, took him on outings just the two of us, but now I am just backing off which pisses my husband off.
Help! I just want to be a wife and be polite when the boy visits but come and go as I please when he's there without my husband getting mad at me for it. I have suggested counseling for us but he refuses--I am going now for the past year to be able to talk it out with someone. Help! Suggestions?? Am I being petty and thin skinned? :?
Hell no. I married a Jewish
Hell no. I married a Jewish guy and am catholic. You don't have to spend that kind of money. Not everyone does. Most can't. Say NO NO NO
BM plans this, she can pay for it.
As for your son not being able to pay for the AP classes. Shame on you for not doing absolutely everything to pay for those. He did the work and now doesn't get the credit. Sorry to bash, but I have a kid that does that and I am budgeting to pay for those tests. Saves me one year of tuition in college. Of course. That is so sad for him.
As for SD, kick her ass to BM's. She is a bully and a spoiled rotten brat. You have to say no to everything. This child is not your responsibility.
This makes me sick...