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Feeling more like a babysitter

missmama1234's picture

I am helping dh raise his son who is 10 with a bad attitude and very sarcastic.
I feel I cannot be totally open and honest with him about my concerns because he always decends his son and I ens up being the one who is overreacting.

His son clicked his tongue to call me today like I was a dog and I ignored him but it really made me feel sick. But my dh said it'/ not a big deal. I have taken on the mom role and I do everything for them in addition to taking care of our two baby boys under two. I have my hands and my heart full. But I wish I could be taken more seriously from my dh and that he can take it when i try to have parent conversations about his son because that is pretty much what I am to him now...I deserve the right to be heard right?

SugarSpice's picture

echo, you are right on target with this. so many of us step moms want to be accepted and dont sat what is on our minds, quietly putting up with all sort of step crap.

if all else fails disengage. let dh parent his son .

momjeans's picture

Yes, what Echo said.

Your DH owes you respect and acknowledgment, in voicing your uncomfortableness with how his child is calling on you. Shutting you down, and making you feel bad for opening up is not being a supportive spouse.

notasm3's picture

Spend your time, energy and resources on your two children. Your obnoxious and offensive SS should just be ignored. Not your problem. If your ahole DH does not want to hear your concerns about his ahole son - then just STOP having anything to do with the ahole son.

missmama1234's picture

I just want to be supported ans to know he is on the same page as me.
I am afraid he will resent me deep down..

ItsGrowingOld's picture

Sue, you are spot on. And I really, really really! like the manner in which you laid out your thoughts. Non-confrontational and thought provoking:)

missmama1234's picture

He calls me a stupid crazy bitch when it escalates. He always blames me for making things worse but I always start the conversation calm and he is actually the one that begins to raise his voice and get mad first these days.

SugarSpice's picture

time to disengage.

owning those hurtful words can empower you. if you empower yourself you can turn the tables on your husband. your husband sounds very insecure to call you those names. i know because my dh did the same thing to me.

name calling is actually a form of emotional abuse and has to be viewed as such.

Disneyfan's picture


Why stay with a man you treats you this way???? The man's actions and words make it abundantly clear that he has zero respect for her. Disengaging from the child won't change the way her husband speaks to her when he is angry.

Acratopotes's picture

The only thing you can do is disengage, read the link below.....

simply stop doing for SS and stop having him under your feet, if DH is not there, SS is not there, it's that simple... you make plans for you and your kids, and if DH leaves, smile and say Hon, I'm taking my kids to the park, what are you going to do about SS he's to young to stay alone...

If DH say you can take him with you, smile and say I will have my hands full with the younger kids and SS does not listen to me and disrespects me so nope not taking him untill he has some manners...

secret's picture

When my SS is "rude" to me (he's little still, so a lot is testing boundaries etc...)

In my case, I simply tell him, that was rude, and walk away. Next time he asks me for something, I tell him that I don't do things for little boys who are rude to me

I never involved SO in this... I simply did it. I have the right to not be treated rudely in my home, bloodlines be d@mned... and after a few times, SO picked up that I wasn't letting SS get away with the behavior... now, if kid does something "rude", SO will generally call him on it.

Have you tried discussing it with your DH in the way that if you wouldn't accept that kind of behavior from a coworker, you're sure as sh!t not going to accept it from a 10 year old?

Pecanflower's picture

Two choices:

1. Disengage. DH takes care of rude SS. Completely. You are not SS's parent. Don't act like it. Stand strong and defend yourself.
2. LEAVE. Disrespect is being learned. If your DH is calling you stupid and crazy; and your SS is clicking to call you like a dog; he is learning it from somewhere.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

"His son clicked his tongue to call me today like I was a dog."

Ooh, that right there pushed my buttons! YSS did something similar, as he learned it from BM, who treated everyone she encountered like they were beneath her. YSS would either whistle or snap his fingers to attempt to summon either DH or I. He was about SEVEN when he started that shit, and it was shut down by both DH and I immediately. You don't treat any human being like that; I don't care who it is.

But I digress....

hereiam's picture

Maybe you should have bit him. You know, like a dogs do to people they don't like. Bite your husband, while you're at it.

SM12's picture

I totally understand how you feel and it is frustrating. But here are a few hints on how to handle that bratty 10 yr old.

First of all, it appears you are left alone with the kids enough that you are feeling resentful. I get it, been there done that. But use that to your advantage.
Whip (not physically) that 10 yr old into shape. Stop being afraid of the kid. If he disrespects you, take respect back by giving clear orders of what you will and will not tolerate. Make him understand that YOU will NOT tolerate being treated as if you were a pet. You will DEMAND that he treat you respectfully or he get punished. If your DH doesn't like it, then he can find day care for the kid.

I had to do this with my SS's. The oldest two stopped wanting to come over when DH wasn't here because I demanded they act right. The YSS used to be a bratty, whiny, crybaby who would scream the second he didn't get his way. I was left along with this kid a lot. I changed all that behavior. BM and DH both know that YSS doesn't push my buttons they way he will them. because I demanded he act right and handed out punishment when he didn't.

Stop being afraid of this kid.