Feeling down about my H treating me the same as BM
When my H and I first got together he would tell me all the time how different I was than any other woman that he has ever dated, including the BM. I felt so special and unique and safe in our relationship. Well over the last year or so I am feeling like everything he says he used to say to the BM. I know he used to say those things cuz he told me stories. He doesn't remember but I do. I am now pregnant and he tells me this is what will happen and that feeling is normal, blah blah blah. I have never been pregnant before and he has 2 kids so he has been through this before. I don't feel unique at all and now I am over sensitive about everything he says and feel like he has said that before to her.
I know in my heart I am not like her I just want to be unique.
Any advise on how to handle this?
Some of what you are feeling
Some of what you are feeling could be BECAUSE you are pregnant. When I was pregnant with my daughter I was very "over sentisitve", weepy and insecure.
At least your equal...
I sometimes feel I rate somewhere between the tv and the computer with SS and BM in the top 2 slots of course! Not only do these witches(not the word I want to use)drain our men of all their money and freedom and put our life thru hell but take away the chance of us giving them their 1st born.
"...take away the chance of us giving them their 1st born"
You'd be surprised by how often thats actually NOT true.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
Doubt he said any pregnancy
Doubt he said any pregnancy related stuff to her. The first time she was pregnant it was first for him, so he didn't have anything to say I assume. The 2nd time he wouldn't have been able to tell her anything she didn't already know. Obviously it sucks that he's already experienced something like this with someone else and I'm sure thats what you feel upset about. Try to find unique ways to share the experience with him. Like if he never got a 4d ultrasound with BM, you guys go get one of your baby. Or make a photo album of your pregnancy together. Do something they didn't do!
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
OMG... I have a similar feeling
I have a 17 month old son from a previous "whatever" but my baby's biodad was never part of my pregnancy, labor, etc... last time I saw him was when I got pregnant... I was always craving to have him by my side, rubbing my belly, talking about the baby, going to the appointments, being there in the delivery... guess what? I had NO ONE, not even my family, my pregnancy was like 6 to 7 months of deppresion...
Well, DH in the other hand, GOT BM pregnant cuz he wanted a child, and he wanted a "girl to spoil" and he was SOO HAPPY when she got pregnant, and he never missed an appointment with her, and I know he kissed and rubbed her belly, and was there for her C section, and he recorded everything, and cried like a baby when he saw his little girl...
So yeah... IT HURTS... is no one's fault, but it hurts the fact that he went through all those things that I never had ... And he was so excited that I'm scared to have a child, and maybe he won't be as excited...
Oh and it also bothered me a day he was talking to his best friend because his wife was pregnant and he was saying... things like "yeah i remember this and that" and yeah "they get like this and that", and "oh the c section was this and that" you know... is like... sometimes people say that there is nothing like a first born... and that makes me feel like I have no chance of giving him that happiness :(....
Seriously, being alone throughout my pregnancy and everything scarred me for life... when i think about him talking to her about the baby all excited, or saying that was the best day of his life... blah blah, and how beautiful she was.. .OMG... it makes me feel horrible...
I know that if we ever have a baby I have chances of making it special, 1, we love each other SOOOO much, whereas they couldn't stand each other, 2, hopefully it would be vaginal and that is a different experience than c section...
and of course, we are married, they weren't...
But to be honest, once again, yes IT BOTHERS ME that I can't (will never EVER) give him his 1st born...
Water under the bridge
Hi all you lucky ladies who even get to have a child! (old maid here LOL). No what I was going to say is, this is a recurring feeling on this board and what most of the very experienced moms, which I am not, say is that, when you do have your baby with your man, it is special between you. How could it not be.
Men act gaga over the first but they also act gaga over the 2nd, 3rd, etc. Remember the ex is the EX for a reason. If he loves YOU now, your baby's birth will be just as special as anything he had with an EX. I bet you do feel uncomfortable and weepy but remember he is with YOU now. And YOU will have a special experience because it is YOU and YOU are special. And ex is eating her heart out, ha ha!! Don't let this eat at you because it will be what you want.
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
Thanks for all the support.
Thanks for all the support. I think I am really senstive right now which is to be expected. We have our first ultrasound tomorrow and he is coming with me of course. I overheard his conversation with his sister saying that this time he can really be a parent rather than just a sitting back and watching. That made me feel really special and unique. Thanks again for all the advise.
aka, I feel the same exact way...
...about my FH and the fact that he has already gone through this. His parents even pointed out the hospital where SD7 was born. Thankfully this was in another state.
I was married before but didn't have any children with him(as much as I want a child I have to say Thank God for that!)
We are getting married soon and I am really worried that I will get upset and that I will hear him say "oh that will happen" or "that's normal" like he's Dr. Spock or something! I will tell you this now and you can return the favor when I am (hopefully) pregnant-
It will be an entirely new experience with you. You two are creating something completely unique and special- a baby that will take the best parts of you and the best parts of him! I look at my sister and her two children and how very different even they are, their births were, they have new neat things to make parenting easier now that weren't even invented when my first nephew was born! Think of how different the experience will be for him- frankly, I can't imagine you and the BM being one bit alike so why would this be the least bit similar? From the moment you bring that child into the world it will be a completely special and unique experience because how you handle everything is already unique!
Look at the boards here and how different 2 sets of children in the same house are for people who have bio kids and skids. Why is that? Because the experiences have been soooooo different and the parents are sooooo different. Don't lose this special time with your DH- show him how excited you are and how thrilled you are and his love for you will only grow. Make this the best time so far in your relationship and remember that he LOVES YOU and YOUR BABY! Hope this helps!