Fed up

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Partner used to have his child every other weekend and now he will have child whenever. Problem is the child's mother makes demands and tells him he can't have child until it's his weekend but then when it suits her child requests to stay adhoc. He obsesses over the child but when I used to fuss over my son he would make jealous comments. He also works erratic hours so it's hard enough for us to see each other. There's no structure to the childcare. It's really annoying me. I told him that he shouldn't just be a victim and bend over whenever she says. It's really really annoying me. I'm on the verge of walking away from all this. Whenever I want to try and plan something for the 2 of us I get vagueness and no real plans. It's like he's waiting to see if he can have his child first. He needs to understand that he still needs to have a life too. I'm a parent too. He acts like he's the only parent in the world.

Couple questions

1. Are you married? If not, hold up. I see you"re a new member. Read around here and you"ll see this type of behavior is a red flag. Many of these dads feel so guilty they are unable to handle an adult relationship. We often ask, "Has he done the work?" It means has he established a home, a sensible schedule, a calm, businesslike relationship with the BM.

2. Does he have a legal custody agreement spelling out child support, visitation, etc? I'm guessing no. He needs one then he needs to abide by it to the letter.

Life is terribly tough for a woman who goes into a relationship with one of these guilty dads. The next step is usually the BM becoming alarmed about another woman in the picture and ramping up the craziness.

I see you're a new member, WELCOME! Read around here, it will help. Good luck, Jems.

Thanks. I like that term

Thanks. I like that term 'guilty dads'. That's exactly what he is. He buys the child anything they ask for and treats her like a baby. The child completely wraps him around her finger and I see her manipulating him too. I don't say anything but it's hard. It's really beginning to rack me off. We are not married. No there's no legal custody agreement. I'm always side lined. Our plans are never important. I so angry right now

Disneyland Dad

We call that "Disneyland Dad" here on Steptalk. Search that and you'll see how many of us have this issue.

Mini wife alert!!!! Mini-wife

Mini wife alert!!!! Mini-wife alert!!!

You might want to search this site for Mini-Wife Syndrome. You're in for a hell of a ride.

You two have different

You two have different priorities in life. His is his child and an adult relationship is randomly convenient.

Love yourself enough to walk away and find someone with similar priorities and goals in life.

He has 4 children and 4 baby

He has 4 children and 4 baby mommas. The older 3 are adults the last one is 12. He completely begs attention from the older ones. I'm a mother but do not feel the need to push my son in his face alll the time.

"He has 4 children and 4 baby

"He has 4 children and 4 baby mommas."

This is a guy who doesn't learn from his mistakes. He's going to keep on fking up.

He has 4 children and 4 baby

He has 4 children and 4 baby mommas.

RUN!!!!!!!

RUN

My thoughts exactly. Run like Forrest Gump. Now.

This guy is bad news.

Whether he understands it or not, he's one of those losers that sees own value in being able to reproduce with as many women as possible. He sounds like an adulterer too. That's 4 baby mammas you're aware of. I bet there's a woman or two who, smartly enough, decided to keep the baby news to herself, and not have this chaos (him) present in their lives. This sounds exactly like my friend's late father, who had no shame and tried to flirt with me a few days before he died of old age. This was at my friend's 50th, in front of his lovely wife who tolerated all his infidelities, in front of a large guest party, and I was half his age. So embarrassing for everyone but him.

If you stay with this guy, better be prepared to always stay in the sidelines and also for a few extra adult kids pop up in coming decades, wanting to know what their birth father looks like. And when you do the maths, you'll figure out that some were conceived after you've met this guy.

"He has 4 children and 4 baby

"He has 4 children and 4 baby mommas."

Oh dear!

Run fast and run far!

Wha????

This is Jerry Springer material. RUN

Frankly, why are you still

Frankly, why are you still there? He's treating you like an afterthought, heck, he won't even make plans with you. So why is he stringing you along? For your help with the bills? For the sex?

His life revolves entirely around his child. He's jealous of any attention you give your son. He has 4 kids by 4 different women. What I'm seeing here is a man who has no idea how relationships work and who has no interest in learning.

I wouldn't waste any more time on him. Raise your standards because you deserve so much more than the scraps he's giving you.

Roll up a copy of his CO

Roll up a copy of his CO including the visitation schedule and smack him with it when BM violates the CO. He has a visitation SCHEDULE. That means all other time i BM's to deal with the kid. It is even BM's time to deal with the kid when your SO chooses to not take a visitation.

Nope, the CP is paid for caring for the kid by the NCP. It is called CHILD SUPPORT!!!!

Do not tolerate BM invading your life by dumping her spawn, that she is paid to care for, into your life other than as stipulated in the CO. Even with a visitation schedule, the NCP has no obligation to take visitation. If the NCP refuses a visitation, the CP is still on the hook for caring for the kid. That.... is what they are paid to do.

If your SO can't comprehend this as being a problem, get on with your life with him and his failed family baggage fading into your past.

I completely understand wanting to maximize time with a COD kid that is in the primary custody of an X. However, the duty to a new mate trumps that. Particularly when the breeder X is invasive in how they interface with our mate.

Take care of you.

If he can't prioritize you

If he can't prioritize you regularly then he isn't a good partner. Perhaps he is a good dad (questionable) but he definitely isn't a good partner. Don't hang around waiting to see if he ex wants a night off from parenting or if he'll be available to do something last minute with you.

If he can't prioritize you then either leave him or treat him as he treats you, a fwb when it is convienient (make sure to double up on birth control methods).

I would move on. Find someone

I would move on. Find someone who actually wants to be in a relationship and is ready for one.

The big question,,,is how do you want to

Be treated.. how important are you really are ? The kid comes first... BM and the child is in control if your life. If you can not make adult plans as a weekend adult getaway . Because you have to Waite untill the last moment,, for SD last minute plans. You don't need this type of relationship.
I would speak to my SO about this. How you need to cone first sometimes. If he doesn't change time to leave or understand this relationship is going nowhere

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