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fat kids

joanie's picture

I noticed right before the Kid (ss8) left, we were out hiking and stopped to swim. when he had his shirt off he was...tubby. had cellulite all over him! and fat rolls.

I know that at BM's he eats fast food and pizza and ramen, that's all. She also gives him plenty of snacks (read:junk) and candy. When he is with the Mister he will not eat anything new, anything with vegetables, and whines for "noodles" (ramen) and pizza.

Now, I cook for myself; I'm not a great cook but I make healthy stuff. (I'm actually trying to gain weight, I have hyperthyroid and have to make an effort for my health, to keep my weight up to the norm.) I cook for myself and the Mister pretty often, he is learning to cook with me, we're both learning...

I don't really care if the Kid eats what I make or not, since I don't pay for the pizza or whatever, but it's kinda gross.

He does have to sit down to dinner and lunch with us when he visits; he eats like a bite of each thing, pointing out how many bites he ate and begging for "dessert". It really, really grosses me out.

Anyone else deal with fat kids? Whiny food-haters? I won't even get into the subject of table manners, except that nobody that eats with their mouth open gets any dessert in my house (and goes straight to the corner if they whine about that, as per the Mister, lol)

I'm more looking for thoughts or other's experiences with this.

(side note: thanks to all who commented on my 'bedtime" thread. the advice I got helped SO much, thankyouthankyouthankyou)

pseudo_stepmom's picture

Both the older SS's used to be very chubby the past year. I think going into jr high affected the oldest SS's self-esteem & has been choosing (ON HIS OWN) to eat a certain healthy cereal for breakfast. We're vegetarians over at my house. And when the SK's come over, they eat a vegetarian meal. They go on bike rides & hikes with DH. They stay active.

I think as the 2nd oldest SS noticed his older brother getting thinner, he started to watch what he ate too. I'm glad cuz it was gross for a while before that.

The BM has actually put on 40-50lbs of fat from sitting on her ass all day, and then eating fast food at night with the kids. Disgusting. I think it's normal...hopefully, when he gets a little older and gets teased a little because of his weight, he will start watching what he eats. (Again, hopefully).

joanie's picture

how did you handle it? did they just do it on their own, or was there anything you did that helped?

pseudo_stepmom's picture

I'm not really sure if he just noticed that his dad & me were super skinny & his BM & her husband were really getting fat. Or if someone at his school was teasing him....I think it had something to do with a girl in his class--after he lost weight, he went & did stuff with her sometimes when he was at our house. I'm sure a LOT of it had to do with his self-esteem & what he wanted to look like= chubby like his mom or skinny like his dad..


I mentioned it to DH a couple times when they had put on the extra weight. Who knows, he might have said something to them because i politely mentioned it quite often. I'd say something like "jeez, it looks like all they eat now days is fast food." or "what in the world has she been feeding them"

joanie's picture

I've only said one thing, and it was while we were watching "lord of the rings". the kid said "Man that fat hobbit better catch up" and I said "well, he eats too much junk food, so he's having a hard time" and looked right at the bowl of ice cream he was eating }:)

His mother is fat, though, and I think it's not really something I can do much about since I only see the Kid every month for a weekend...

Maybe as he gets older he will notice like your SSs did. (the Mister and I are both slim.)

joanie's picture

yeah, we call bm dumptruck for a reason...or two

I am very active, when the Kid was here we did a hike almost every other day, or swimming, bike rides, beach combing, he was obviously not used to being outdoors AT ALL. we got to the beach and he was shocked at how "big a space" it was, that he could just run around...

he does whine about his backpack but he learned the first hike that if he doesn't bring it he doesn't get it- although I shared a bag of dry granola with him, which he hated haha

paul_in_utah's picture

Sounds like my SS20. He weighs over 300 lbs. For whatever reason (guilt, I suppose) my DW fed him whatever he wanted while he was growing up. When he went to live with his dad, he just kept eating. He is so heavy now that he can barely climb stairs. SD17 is on the same path - she is about 5'10", and weighs almost 200 lbs....

novemberm's picture

My boyfriend's daughter is morbidly obese. His ex "kept her quiet" with food-crappy stuff that she demanded. Her eating habits today are just as bad. I can so see guilt being a cause, as well as the idea of keeping kids pacified.

the_stepmonster's picture

SD9 and SD10 are overweight also. SD4 will also soon be on her way since BM only ever feeds her rice pudding and cheese. DH knows they are gaining weight at a rapid pace but since we only get them EOWe he doesn't think eating well for 6 days a month will do anything to combat it. Regardless of what he says, I still feed them healthy balanced meals when they are with us in the hopes that they will eventually get a taste for it. Their bodies crave goodness whether they know it or not. Whenever I serve a side salad or a veggie with their meals they think it's the best thing ever. I feel bad for them because they will soon be in junior high and girls at that age are so cruel but as long as BM keeps feeding them junk they will just keep gaining.

novemberm's picture

That breaks my heart. They will definitely be teased down the road Then, sometimes, these young girls go the opposite way-anorexia/bulemia-after they feel they are so fat and then lose the wait. They dont want to stop losing.

I think you are the only hope for your stepdaughters. Bless you. I dont understand why their BM is okay with them gaining this weight. My boyfriend's ex pacified her daughter with food her whole life to keep her quiet. At 22, his daughter is morbidly obese. Aside from the weight, she looks unhealthy-her eyes and skin. It is really sad.

roseslady2's picture

Talk to your DH about having a minimum. We have a rule in our house that SS10 and friends and every one alike (except DH) have to follow: You must try at least 3 Tbsp of everything I make. Once that's over, you can make your own PB&J if you don't like it. they either get tired of PB&J or they start liking the strange food. They are not allowed PB&J until they've finished the regular food, they are not allowed to make anything with more ingredients (but they can make just PB or just J), and they are not allowed dessert unless they finish regular food or PB&J. that way, they at least get something with protien in it. Just an idea. Because 3 "bites" didn't work for me. The "bites" were ridiculously small and didn't even give them a chance to try it. I have only sent SS10 to bed once hungry because he said he'd "throw up" if he ate the last bite. So, he was very hungry for my eggs in the morning. Biggrin DH and I agree that one missed meal will not kill a kid and no court (or mother for that m atter) would fault you if your child chose not to eat. You gave them food. Just because they didn't want to eat it doesn't mean you weren't doing your job.

joanie's picture

yeah,he does NOT like anything good. also I refuse to pend an entire mealtime paying attention to what exact amount of stuff he eats; he is already dependent and attebtion seeking enough. screw that.

I basically figure that any food he gets from me is gonna br healthy. nothing more I can do, is what it sounds like.

he isn't allowed to have anything else but dinner until everyone is done eating; then he can make himself a sandwich.

he will eat meats, so that's good. chicken, for sure. so that's something.

Sweetnothings's picture

This has happened to my SD21, in the last eight to ten months she has gained like 43 lbs at College, plus she does no exercise, hell she barely walks !!! The Internet habit involves hours and hours of sitting...and eating junk too....

She visited recently ( never again, woohoo!) and she could hardly walk for fifteen minutes !!! Ate MORE than my DH did, and that takes some doing.... apparently, the sap....dear deluded bf of the moment, is like 50 lbs overweight too.....

Years ago, we did the learning to cook healthy meals, learning to clean and take care of yourself, etc,etc, you know the NORMAL things you teach a has all fallen to the side, hell even at the time she was laziness personified. DH even said how awful she looks, and how 21!!!!

LostInTheMess's picture

Ok - I'm trying to maintain here. I can see from the heart of these posts that it is really about the child's health and whatnot. But calling a kid tubby, fat and gross is not nice Sad .

My SS is a skinny rail. My BS is overweight. We don't buy excessive amounts of junk food and he is very active - he rides bikes daily, plays football for school and wrestles. In the winter he snowboards. He's not a couch potato by any means. He was just cursed with his mothers slug slow metabolism.

I'm sure you aren't intending to be nasty about his weight, but it is a very sensitive issue. Provide him the healthy options. Advise that we don't tolerate whining. Make him a smaller portion of the healthier foods and tell him if he finishes his plate he will get desert later. Purchase the popcicles instead of ice cream or the lower fat, lower calorie ice creams. Then show him an appropriate portion size. Seriously, a serving of ice cream is like a half cup size of a dry measuring cup.

Read the labels to him. Tell him what the labe states is a serving. Serve it in a smaller bowl/plate (it looks like more this way).

He can learn to be healthy without having a negative body image, which is so important. He will get enough teasing at school.....

joanie's picture

yep, part of it is that I feel bad for him. no 8yrold should be out of breath before a 38 yearold chain smoker on a slow walk.

the other part is that he doesn't want healthy food and refuses to eat it. I am kinda looking for ways to get him to, without making him too calorie-conscious or weight-obsessed. making him small portions of healthy foods and having no junk is the way I've been going but I don't want to spend my time struggling with him about it, I'm relatively uninvolved in his care and don't want to do the work...I don't have kids for this very reason!

he was the one that called the hobbit "fat", by the way. I never realized little kids could have fat rolls and cellulite before.

thanks for your thoughts, it totally is how I feel. he's in for lots of teasing later if it keeps up, but I don't want to mock him or make him afraid, just...

the advice helps tons it really does

BSgoinon's picture

My BD(8) is on the chubby side. She gained about 10 pounds over the summer and she wasn't thin to begin with. Sad it breaks my heart. She eats healthy, even when we don't. She runs almost a mile 2x's a week (with me), she just has a slow motabolism. She is built just like her dad. Sad I hate it for her. I don't want her to stuggle with her weight all of her life. It seriously has brought me to tears on several occassions. I don't know what else to do for her.

joanie's picture

all of these posts are both sad, and reassuring. any and all ideas and advice (or what didn't work) are welcome...

One Life Once Chance's picture

Very sad. Something ive noticed with people we know- it's not even just a step thing. Nobody wants to parent anymore. People that we know live like this as well because it's easier to let the kids have what they want - just to keep em quiet. It's very selfish and the reason why so many kids are overweight.

No one thinks about childhood diabetes or heart issues later on, they just don't want to parent and set good examples. I think all you can do is to keep being the best role models you can be for healthy habits. I may have missed this, has your DH talked to bm about the child's health or weight out of concern?

joanie's picture

she has the worst diet imaginable, and gets huffy when questioned about food and what the Kid eats.

her deep admiration for fast food and boxed processed junk is the root of it all. she does not work or exercise and eats the same junk she feeds him.

joanie's picture

if you had had access to healthy food, would you have turned it down and begged for more grease?

what would have convinced you to eat healthy food as a kid?

or did you just have to grow into wanting to be healthy?

my brother was tubby when we were kids, but he ate pretty healthy food, so it was like meaty weight, if you know what I mean.

I feel bad for the Kid. but he refuses anything but sugar or salty grease foods. is there anything that you hunk would help?