Fanatasy vs reality in these types of relationships
Ive realized a big part of the difference in the way two spouses view things, particularly when there are step children involved, is the difference in the way two spouses view their situations.. For example Im not married to my boyfriend yet even though we've been together for a very long time. I cautious about marriage for many reasons and taking it slow. I love him but have no intention on moving in so most of his needs are met and so many of mine are forgotten about. Ive realize many divorced parents have an entitlement attitude about them, as if going all out for them and their kids is a prize. It is not. Now that doesnt mean you cannot have a happy life together but they must realize the other is making sacrifices in order to be with you and they must accommodate that and respect it. I got into a disagreement the other day with my boyfriend. He tend to do this type of thing at times and I don't believe it intentional however he talks about the careers that others have and their salaries. I have a decent career. I work a lot of hours. I make a decent income. He was talking about how great it is that teachers have summers off (most teachers I know work another job during the summer if they are not married to someone who has a decent job). He's talked about his friend who is a doctor and how much money he makes. My boyfriend makes a decent income but not enough to support himself and his kids without running up some debt. I feel he kind of passive aggressively judges my job for having to work so many hours and not be able to spend time with him. However I am not a doctor but I do have a degree. I have a decent career. I work a lot of hours. If I didnt work the amount of hours I worked I believe he would be happier but Im not sure if I would be. I would be spending more time with him and his kids, not him, and I would be doing stuff like cleaning, taking care of house, entertaining his kids etc. Not exactly what I want to be doing on my down time. My point is to people who have kid realize that no one really wants to be spending their off time playing free nanny? Is there is an entitlement attitude or is is just me?
Interesting perspective. I do
Interesting perspective. I do think that some parents can be rather self absorbed about their lifestyle and forget that their children are their own responsibility.
I think the parents who act the most entitled probably have some issues with entitlement in other aspects of their life as well. This has certainly been my experience with OSD. She was entitled and displayed narcissistic traits before having children. As a mother, she is the sun and her kids are fabulous planets who orbit her.
If you don't even live
If you don't even live together (same as my SO and myself), your SO would have some nerve to expect you to clean and take care of his house on your down time!
But as for spending time with their children, I agree that divorced parents cherish the limited time they spend with their kids and basically expect the step parents to feel the same way.
It's so strange : My SO was telling me a story about his ex girlfriend, how he was «stuck» taking care of her kid, yet he doesn't understand why I wouldn't want to spend every moment with his precious DD :?
I can't tell you how many
I can't tell you how many single dads I've met who want their GF/fiancée/wife/whoever to step in and play the "mommy" role because they either don't want to, or don't know how. No thanks.
"My boyfriend makes a decent
"My boyfriend makes a decent income but not enough to support himself and his kids without running up some debt."
This troubles me. What you're saying is that your boyfriend doesn't make enough to support himself and his kids. That means his income is NOT decent enough. So in addition to entitlement issues, you may well be stepping into financial issues. Or maybe I'm reading it differently than you're intending. In any event, it's good that you're so aware of what's going on.
Hon, your boyfriend lives
Hon, your boyfriend lives above his means. I'm sorry but that's a fact. There's nothing wrong in telling your children, sorry we can't afford this or that. There's no reason to go into debt to cater for children. I'm not only talking about entertainment, I'm talking about meals etc.
Kids can play outside, board games, no need for electronics or pleasure parks. But do not feel bad, not every one thinks like me lol. I have this issue with SO as well and that's probably why we are not married, he thinks his daughter loves him as long as he stuffs her ass full off material things, but there's no love and no parenting. I'm different, my kid had a wonderful life, I could not afford fancy modern things when he was growing up, instead I took him on nature walks, orphanages to play with those children, he had 2 birthday parties in an orphanage with those kids and none of his friends, cause I could only afford a small parcel of popcorn and sweets for a party, and a friend sponsored the cake. Deigma still remembers those parties and to him it was the best, no gifts nothing, just 50 kids of all ages playing for a full day.
When I started dating SO, I realized quickly he's living way way above his means, I pulled my money from the relationship, he was not happy cause suddenly he had to tell Princess NO.... she hates me for it I don't care...
Good decision. I feel these
Good decision. I feel these partners who have kids, whom are not ours, feel too much that we have an obligation towards their kids. We do not. Everything we do for their kids is out of choice, not obligation and it should be nothing more than time and attention we give their children not financial support. This way we will end up being used and abused by these partners and their spoiled kids.