Family Can't Get Over BF's Divorce
My SO's parents are very kind-hearted people. They are very generous and love their kids and grandchildren very much. However, I find it to be very rude and obnoxious when my SO's mother decides to ask me if I know much about my SO's wedding day with his ex, mind you that was ten years ago. I was so shocked, I hardly had words to clue her in to how rude she was being.
Does anyone else have this issue?
Seriously, all I hear about the ex is how terrible of a temper she has, how she is always calling someone in that family to scream at them about something, etc. Yet, my SO's mom takes up for her a lot of the time when something dramatic is happening and my SO is angrily discussing it. She tells him that regardless of what happens, BM is still their child's mother and he needs to respect her. I can't begin to tell all of you the shitty things she has done in spite of my SO, just because she can.
My SO finally had a talk with his mom a few days ago about how she needs to stop bringing up the ex when I am present because it is making me feel ostracized. Now what has she resorted to doing? Every time she's going to bring up the ex, she apologizes to me and says, "Sorry, I have to talk about HER for a minute, I apologize".
Really?
WTF?
I mean.. The lady likes me... She's always inviting me over and just went out to get some stuff with my name on it for "next year's Christmas celebration". I'm just so confused.
She has made it clear she's
She has made it clear she's not going to stop. Sorry she's such a dunderhead.
Me, personally, would not be around her anymore. I'm too old for her game.
Oh trust me, I totally
Oh trust me, I totally relate. My FMIL loves me to bits & claims that she likes me more than my FDH's exes BUT that didn't stop her from over-sharing about random experiences, baby births, icky, ugh & more.
She is a widow. Her DH (my FDH's father) died 30 years ago & she has not remarried (partially due to her having crappy kids, then she just got busy)...she DID NOT understand why I wouldn't want to use a crystal photo frame from my FDH's wedding to Nasty...didn't understand why I insisted on all new photo frames, didn't get why I refuse to recycle Nasty's old crap...she doesn't get it, at all. To her, these items are perfectly useful, to me, it belonged to Nasty & must be disposed of or returned to her. There are many issues that she simply cannot relate to. FDH is the only person who is divorced in her entire family...they are old fashioned Catholics.
Recently, she has been asking me about which pictures (of her deceased DH) would be appropriate to leave up & around if she started dating someone. She said that she saw my reaction to many topics of discussion & is truly trying to understand (THREE years later, I might add)...so I can only assume that she is starting to open up to my feelings on the matter.
I personally started letting my mind wander when she started telling her BM stories...did the same with SO & made it OBVIOUS that I didn't pay attention if I didn't care about the topic of conversation...she has FINALLY stopped with her random stories, for which I'm grateful. I have accepted though that I will always be subjected to stories from her because she simply remembers "happier times" or "funny memories" which include BM Nasty (& Redneck for that matter)...one day she may understand, until then, I nod, smile & keep on trucking
Oh yeah. DH's entire family
Oh yeah. DH's entire family talks about BM all the time. I always feel irritated by it, especially when the kids are around because then the kids want to talk about BM, and I get to feel like the fifth wheel to a BM who is not even present.
I haven't addressed the issue yet, but I think I will in the future, especially when DH and I have a baby. I do not want our kid growing up hearing references about DH's exwife all the damn time.
Under any other circumstance
Under any other circumstance I wouldn't have a problem being direct about a situation that bothers me like this. My SO's mom is very dramatic and I know that if I were the least bit direct with her it would be blown way out of proportion. It's ridiculous. I'll have to be the bigger person, but come the two year anniversary.. I'll stop being so patient. lol
My IL's overstepped recently
My IL's overstepped recently and are out of our lives. DH had it with them and their relationship with SD and BM. None of his family is welcome in my home. Stuff like this was the start. It finally escalated with MIL defending SD and DH hanging up on her. Now there is no contact and there will not be as far as he is concerned...
I am thinking it will get
I am thinking it will get worse -- I have been making subtle points to have my SO drive me home before he goes over there recently. She's all over facebook also, so I just made everything invisible to her since I knew "unfriending" her would cause a whole other issue. I mean, how else would BM know ANYTHING about my FB and scream at my SO about how I need to mind my own business when it's private? This stuff is SO juvenile!!
Not only do mine talk about
Not only do mine talk about him lots but they invite him out for dinner when I am there.
I guess I am just not that groovy.
That would bother me too.
That would bother me too. SO's mother actually does bring up the ex infront of me but it's usually to talk about how she's messed in the head and isn't parenting her children properly. She's told me many times she is so glad that he finally left her and that we are together etc. It doesn't bother me a whole lot when she brings her up, what does bother me is that she wants me to fix the messes BM creates. AUGH!
yeah....I know how you
yeah....I know how you feel....
cos I keep feeling that Im praised for being on the scene to fix up the mess that exists from the divorce and issues that BM left the prodigal son...unruly skids, shell shocked DH, house in the wrong area, etc....cos as soon as we start living our own lives, doing our own thing, it appears we are not supported accepted as well.
annoys me
I feel like saying....'that was the life my DH used to have....and the BM is just another ex....we are trying to move one together...please cant you support us when we do things very different from the old life'