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Expecting first child. How to keep my sanity with attention seeking SD

CaliforniaSM's picture

DH and I are expecting our first child together, we found out fairly earlier so we have not told SD until we are a little further along and obviously ready for the world to know because BM will spread the news like wild fire.

SD5 is fairly independent with playing on her own and stuff but when someone else (me,dogs,relatives) have attention on them then she HAS to have attention on her. She will be perfectly content but as soon as DH especially pays attention to anything or anyone else she will jump,climb,baby talk anything to get attention and I know I will not be able to handle her crawling all over my newborns swings, crib, etc and I can see her doing that for attention. How do I prepare her but probably more so myself for the jealousy and whining that's going to happen with the new baby that's obviously going to require a lot of attention?
I'm sure she will eventually want to help and everything but I'm not sure what to expect in the beginning and I want to be able to enjoy the first days and binding with my child.

We have her Wed. and every other weekend unless her mom calls with an excuse why she doesn't want her on her days.

MommyNotMommy's picture

I was very concerned about this with my SD8. some combination of ignoring the shit out of her, paying extra attention to her when she's being age appropriate with the baby (e.g. reading to him), and praising her extra when she plays solo worked for me. It helps that my SD is an even tempered kid who has siblings at her mom's house.

ETA: Ignoring the shit out of her when she was attention seeking. Not all the time.

CaliforniaSM's picture

Thank you guys. I'm getting ready to prep our house, me, DH, and SD for the changes that are about to come even though I don't know what to expect myself lol. Doesn't help SD is utterly babied at BM to the point she won't even walk into the class room when her mom takes her unless she holds her and while sucking her thumb on the opposite hand. Hopefully the self sufficiency I encourage will latch on. At this point she won't even get out of the shower unless DH wraps her like a baby and she baby talks the entire time or begs to be dressed. So I've been talking to DH about knocking it off, yes that's his little girl but she also needs to feel confidence in herself to do things on her own. She doesn't get it at BM she needs it somewhere.

SugarSpice's picture

thats a good book. hopefully it will be positive. sibling jealousy is scary.

you should see my skids get into it. and they are adults with careers. i seem them taking verbals jabs at each other all the time. dh is clueless about it.

CaliforniaSM's picture

I'm not complaining she wants attention? I've asked for ways to help adjust her and us all to having a new baby in the house. And the ways my SD sometimes goes about getting attention can be potentially harmful to the baby and maybe even herself.

Indigo's picture

HRNYC has a point. Perhaps not what you might like to hear, but a very valid perspective.

CaliforniaSM's picture

I see the perspective, I'm just clarifying. I don't care about her wanting attention she's a little girl with split homes she needs attention from whomever she's with, and she gets it. It's the behavior to get that attention I'm asking for tips to adjust to save a little sibling rivalry. We've been working on it and it's gotten better but more advice can never hurt. Most days SD is stuck to my hip which is perfectly fine and nice, I don't want her to feel second placed when the baby gets here and act out in ways that'll be harmful to both kids. Just asking mothers/parents of bio and step children how they've adjusted to have a young child and expecting a new born. Things need to be fair for both children and even though the baby will take up a little more time some days, everyone needs equal amount of attention/affection .

hatemyhusband's picture

"Attention" can get out of control. The last few years of visitation, SD had to be near constantly talking, she would out talk over anyone who spoke to her dad, she would follow him around everywhere,even waiting outside the bathroom when he was using it. She would either walk around giving me and my kids dirty looks or pouting looking like her world was ending.

This led to my H being followed around and monopolized by his daughter, and completely ignored and excluded by the rest of us. This was every weekend visitation.

I say the kid wants attention, give it to them, and choke on it.

furkidsforme's picture

This same issue would exist even with a bio child. You just address it as it comes up, or deal with it. Some great advice here, from those who have been there.

CaliforniaSM's picture

It is great advice from everyone, different views I appreciate. I'm deffinetly going to allow SD to be as involved as she wants to be with her new sibling. Because I know from BM it'll be a lot of "that's not your 'real' brother/sister" so I'm going to get her as excited as possible. Deffinetly picking up books, have her start making pictures for the babys room etc. We are thinking of telling her on Christmas, but she also goes to her moms christmas afternoon so I know the first thing outta SDs mouth will be "Merry Christmas daddy and SM are having a baby!"

Ohhhh to be a fly on that wall hen BM realizes she can no longer hold over DH the fact that she has his only child hahaha. Merry Christmas BM and a happy new year!