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EX Wife making me CRAZY (update)

kim1960's picture

As I have posted before, BM took four year old on vacation for the month to Florida and is leaving him there with her 80 year old parents. They will be flying back with him and BF will finally get to see him on the 1st of Feb. This is in direct violation of the parenting agreement which states she can take him for one week. Also refused to give us a address/phone# to reach him other then her cell phone even though she is coming back here. This is just one of her numerous violations of the agreement. He told BM he would not pay child support for the five weeks that he will not see him. She took him anyway. We know he is somewhere in Florida just not the exact location. Of course when BF called her cell phone last night to talk to his son she didn't answer.

Well after talking with BF's lawyer and many hours of discussion BF has decided not to pursue the matter in court. He will simply resume the CS payments after the 1st and will resume Wednesday night visitation. His reasoning for this is:

He can spend thousands and thousands of dollars taking her to court everytime she violates the agreement but he has four other children he also has financial responsibility for and he has to consider their needs also. He gets along with their mother now that 2nd EX is out of the picture. He feels spending his last dime on this and having the other four go without would be unfair to them.

As I said in my previous post my BF has Myastenia Gravis. Stress greatly aggravates this condition and can lead to myastenic crisis leaving him unable to talk, move, breathe or swallow on his own. He has had two episodes of this since he was diagnosed three years ago. Again the four year old is not his only child and he does have a responsibility to guard his health so that he can be around for the other four also. I have seen how the stress of just having to deal with the BM of the four year old affects his condition. I can't imagine what kind of shape he would be in if we have to be in court constantly because of her blatant disregard of the parenting agreement over and over again. BF has decided to try and detach himself from the situation for the sake of his health and his other children. He will see the four year old on Wednesday nights when she allows it and will continue to pay his child support. He loves his son very much but if he doesn't let go and just accept the fact that the BM will always use this child and BF's medical condition against him it will eat him alive and have dangerous repercussions to his health and well being. So now when she makes her accusations of us doing adult things in front of the four year old, of not caring for him properly, of my BF not being able to "pick up" his son when he has fallen and is hurt, we are just going to ignore it and go on with our lives with the other nine children we have between us. She has made it clear that she is going to do whatever she wants to do with the four year old and she is the type to spend her last dime to do it and make my BF miserable. And she has the money to do it as she received a five figure check in the divorce settlement for the three years they were married.

Hopefully when his son is older he will be able to understand why his father made the decisions he did and understand that his mother actively tried to undermine their relationship with each other. God knows we have the documentation to prove it. And we will continue documenting. I really struggled with my BF's decision on this but we are getting married in July and I love him with all my heart and I too want him around for along time. If we didn't have the MG to deal with things would be totally different but it is difficult to watch how what this BM does effects him physically and extremely hard not to be protective of him. So I have decided to support him 100% in his decision.

Anne 8102's picture

For one thing, visitation and support are two totally separate issues. Kids still have to eat, regardless of whether or not Mom lets you see them. There's not a lawyer on the planet who will ever advise a client to stop making CS payments if they are being denied visitation. That's just the way the courts see it, no matter how unfair it is that denying support is perceived as a greater crime than denying visitation. Sucks, but that's the way it is.

And since there is nothing you can gain from going to court over it, except more pain and aggravation, it's probably best to let it go. But I would document everything in case it becomes a habit and you end up having to use the courts one day. That way, you know you're covered. Hopefully, she will eventually lose interest in playing cat and mouse this way. All you can do is the best you can with what you've got and with that many kids, you guys should be nominated for sainthood. I thought we had it bad with five!

~ Anne ~

lovin-life's picture

It sounds like you all have given this alot of thought and your decision makes sense.

I like the idea of documenting everything...may I add..consider also mailing letters to son, as a means of communicating with him...make sure its' dated and that you keep a photocopy for yourselves..
(send to her address if you have too..)

Kids love getting mail...if he receives them
Shows you tried....if he doesn't receive them

All the best.... Smile