Ex talk in conversations
Forums:
I was wondering if any of you get tired of ex talk in conversions. For example you are having lunch discussing something random or irrelevant and your husband or wife replies with something that has to do with their ex out of the blue. For example if you're discussing a celebrity or political your spouse adds to the conversation "oh such and such celebrity used to hang out with my (exes) father back in the day" or if you're discussing travel they say "my ex went their once, visited that country and loved it" Anyone else get annoyed by the random unnecessary ex talk?
I have to say that my DH
I have to say that my DH rarely or never brings up the subject of NPD BM in conversation. From the scrap of conversational example you provided - it sounds like your partner likes to name drop about their ex and celebs - and just brag, generally, which is nauseating at the best of times.
Nothing could make me think worse of a person in polite conversation than if they tried to tell about all the great things they'd done under the impression this might impress the company. My SDs try to do one-upmanship of this nature in conversation aka "I'm so wonderful - be impressed" and it just has the opposite effect.
Yes unnecessary random ex
Yes unnecessary random ex talk bothers most of us, particularly when the ex is a head case ...
I usually try to ignore it, or if the chance is there, just respond with a "oh yeah, my ex liked that too!" Which usually drives the point home.
Generally, it's pretty insensitive to bring up ex's in any context but when they do, it's a red flag if it happens too often. My DH got into the habit of wondering out loud why BM was making certain choices. He doesn't even speak to her, but the skids always keep him informed of her actions, why I don't know. I've suggested he tell them he couldn't give a monkey's about BM, but he responds that she is their mother so they can talk about her whenever they want (haha they are all 23+).
BMs are just baggage, always in the shadows. Disengage if possible.
I agree that ex talk is a
I agree that ex talk is a normal part when it comes to the kids or other issues pertaining to them, the house, bills, etc. However ex talk about random things is odd to me. I mean I dont think its odd in a way that its not abnormal that you associate certain things with the ex. But do you really have to say it in front of your partner? I mean the ex is always lurking in the shadows anyways. Tone down the needless talk and positive comments and memories about this person at least in front of me. I understand everyone has a past, I dont have issues with understanding that, I just dont need to hear about it when we are out on a date, realizing watching a movie, etc. especially if the kids aren't around. Like " so and so knew this person, so and so did this, so and so did that" who cares? not me!
I just tune out and find
I just tune out and find something urgent to do when the topic of the ex or her family comes up. I'm not interested in her at all and have no desire to get to know her and DH's history. DH doesn't bring her up much now but it used to be a minor annoyance when stories of her, positive or negative, crept into our conversations.
The worst was when a group of women and I were talking about pregnancy stuff. DH overheard came over and said, "When BM was pregnant her feet grew a whole shoe size." I didn't say a word just looked at him like WTF and went back to the conversation. He apologized later but seriously what a dodo.
Become uninterested whenever she comes up. If he has more than one brain cell he'll get a clue. If not then just yawn and leave the room.
Definitely not over the Ex -
Definitely not over the Ex - thus do not get married or move in.
even when the skids kept on talking about how wonderful mum is, I would shut it down and tell her, your mum does not live here she's not part of this family and stop gossiping about what happens in her house..... I'm not interested
I listened to it for years,
I listened to it for years, between DH and SD57. I finally told DH "no more. I don't care what you discuss with SD, but not in our home or in my presence." It is 90% better now.
DH must have told SD, because she just sits and glares at me now. The glares are not anything new for 38 years, but the silence about Ex is golden.
}:)
oh sammi - you are a patient
oh sammi - you are a patient woman and my roll model lol.....
after about 2 years with Aergia going on what a wonderful team mummy and daddy made I simply could not help myself and said, yeah such a wonderful team your mother got pregnant from her boyfriend while still married to your father, now that's a effing great team.....
Aergia never talked about her mother again lol
caitlinj - How long was he
caitlinj - How long was he with his ex? I only ask because I think for some people it can be a hard habit to break after being with someone for quite some time. It’s as if they lost their own identity in that relationship, so they associate A LOT with that other person. It usually dissipates, but if it doesn’t then I’d assume that person must not be over it yet.
The first year or two my DH only brought up BM in unfavorable ways. Mostly having to do with skid, her behavior, etc. The other times were comical, I admit. Like, “See that old guy over there? That was BM’s sugar daddy. I’m pretty sure he funded her boob job.” Or... “See that guy over there? That’s the guy that knocked-up BM while we were still married.”
Nowadays he hardly ever brings her up. She’s just straight-up bad juju.
Anytime The Beast, the skids
Anytime The Beast, the skids or the GSkids do come up I do the same thing as when a tv commercial airs.... I automatically tune out and start thinking about garden projects, my grocery list, naked Bradley Cooper, etc. Works for me!
But seriously, since kids aged out BM's name almost never comes up.
When the boys brought her up,
When the boys brought her up, I would just smile and nod. When SO used to bring her up in the first few months of us dating I would look around and say "oh is she here? If not then no need to bring her in" He never brought her up again unless it was to say that DBDB is picking up kids, blah blah blah.
Now none of them talk about her in my presence.
They were married for nearly
They were married for nearly 8 years and together since high school. Yes she was a huge part of his life. What I dont really understand is she most likely cheated on him and has done a lot to hurt him. When I first met my bf he had nothing good to say, or very little to say about her. But now its as if all is forgotten and they are friends for the sake of the kids. That is fine. They can be friends. Ill be nice to her, especially when the kids around. But it doesnt mean I have to be friends with her nor does it mean I want to hear about her if it doesnt pertain to the kids, money or something negative. lol.
Like the saying goes, “Love
Like the saying goes, “Love is blind.”
In my opinion, you just need to shut it down, the talking about ex, when he brings her up. And if/when you do, and he has an issue with it, then maybe you have bigger problems. But, I’d start there.