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Ex husband coming over to her house when I’m not home

newwtostepguy's picture

My girlfriends ex husband apparently comes over and hangs out at her place to visit their kids when I’m not home and she neglected to mention this to me. I trust her and do not believe she would cheat however I do not trust him at all and believe he’s a manipulative creep who could cause problems with us intentionally without her catching on. I don’t want to sound posseoce, she doesn’t have to tell me everything she does all the time. Anyone else experience this? Her relationship with her child’s father makes me not want to take the next step in our relationship.

SteppedOut's picture

If you are not comfortable with them playing family, tell her. Either she will respect that decision, or she won't. Either way you will have what you need to make your decisions. 

hereiam's picture

Between this and your previous blog, it sounds like they are still in a relationship. Or want to be.

I think they need to figure it out, before you continue on with this relationship.

futurobrillante99's picture

You don't trust her, actually. If you did, you would know she'd never be stupid enough to be fooled into something without "catching on."

Something is making you nervous and you can't control either of them. If you felt rock solid with your GF, you wouldn't care what the ex husband is doing or up to. You'd trust your woman to shut it down.

Still, tell her how you feel about it and see how she reacts. If she dismisses your feelings, that's a bad thing. If she actually hears you and tries to be more sensitive, that's good.

Survivingstephell's picture

Make sure your paperwork is locked up and he can't access any important papers that he could get information from and screw with you.  He's either trying to get her back or looking to make trouble.  

I do wonder what would happen if you made yourself more visable to him.  Divorced people don't normally hang out, so there is some screwed up belief that hanging out is a good thing, for the skids comes to mind.  In reality is only screws them up in the long run.  

An honest conversation is over due with her.  You need and should have confirmation on what HER intentions are with you long term.  If you don't like her answers and she can't or won't manage her ex in a manner that supports a future with you, it might be best to put this one behind you and find someone who is truly available for a realtionship with you. 

Harry's picture

If she wants a relationship with you, EX can not come over her place and play happy family.  If she does not stop this I would be gone.  There was something there at one time,  and it can sill be there 

1wonder woman's picture

I'm dating a guy that is divorced and has children and trust me it is not an easy thing to do. My parents also divorced when I was 7 so I thought hey I can handle dating a man that has been divorced... I got this... Lol! No I was clueless! Now this is my advice to you... First of all I do not think your girlfriend did not neglect to tell you about her ex coming over... she knew this news would most likely bother you and it should bother you if you care and love her... It's not about trust it's about RESPECT for you!! I feel out of respect for you she should not be spending anytime with her ex husband even with their kids. Plus she must be careful not to give her kids the wrong message because when kids see their mom and dad back together after a divorce they get their hopes up that they will be getting back together. Her children need to see their father without her being with them period that's what divorced families do and they are divorced now..The kids break free from one parent and go visit the other parent and the kids need to get use to it because they are no longer married. The fact is these two people once upon a time loved one another and they have kids together... what if those old feelings resurface oneday and they end up in bed together and that could happen! I'd be open and honest with her and tell her exactly how you feel and I'd tell her she needs to set some boundaries and respect those boundaries out of respect for you!  TELL HER THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME NOT TRUSTING YOU IT IS ABOUT RESPECT.... RESPECTING MY FEELINGS! If this makes you unhappy her spending time with her ex then tell her so.... Your happiness should be her top priority not her ex husbands happiness!  If she truly loves you she will have no problem setting some boundaries and respecting them... she must let go of her ex to move on with the NEXT guy and that's you.  I made my boyfriend set boundaries and he is respecting those boundaries because he does love me and my happiness is important to him. I told him you either let go of your ex or I will be saying NEXT and I will have to move on with some other guy that will love me enough to respect my feelings to make me happy.... I told my guy we are not going to be the Reba McEntire show... sorry that is never going to happen!