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ESD (17, nearly 18) posting "Couply" photos of her and my DP over her Facebook page...(again)

Jocasta's picture

Submitted by Jocasta on Sun, 05/12/2013 - 9:49am

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I have to tolerate this a few times a year - usually on his birthday, Christmas and Father's Day and last year there was her prom and her confirmation - she will get someone to take photos of just her and D, or take them herself - close up couply sort of shots, like a girlfriend/boyfriend - with her with her arm round him in her usual proprietorial way - and post these photos on Facebook, sometimes with a caption like "I Love you" or "me and the most important man in my life".

This bugs me big time - I hardly ever post photos of me and DP together on Facebook - I don't really feel the need so his photo albums are mostly shots of him and ESD looking to the world like the proverbial happy couple!!

In the past I have ignored it - I don't want to come across as jealous and petty and like I am on her case but to me, it looks wrong. He never instigates this by the way and never posts photos himself and never comments or "likes" the photos but still....

Do you think I should just let it go? I don't want to cause a row over something like this. I think she desperately needs a boyfriend though!

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Sun, 05/12/2013 - 3:52pm

I would be likely to tell her that most people would see this as incestuous. In a 5 yr old it is cute. In a 17 yr old it means she can't get a man of her own and relys on her father to fill her romantic needs. Ew!

Jocasta's picture

Submitted by Jocasta on Tue, 05/14/2013 - 8:00am

Thanks for your comments all - good to know I'm not the only one. I did mention it last night, the fact I thought it was a bit creepy and she obvioulsy needs a BF as she is seeing her dad as her surrogate boyfriend and the fact there are far more photos of her and DP on FB in couply mode than of me and him!

He didn't think it was weird and didn't agree with me. I didn't want an argument so I let it go.

I guess I have to hope the weirdo grows out of it.

Jocasta's picture

Submitted by Jocasta on Tue, 05/14/2013 - 12:56pm

Hi there Growupplease and many thanks for taking the time to post such a long and detailed reply to my original post - there is certainly no backlash coming from me, a different opinion is most welcome - after all, that's what this site is about - being able to voice your opinion in an open forum.

To respond to your points briefly, I love that my DP has a good relationship with all of his children - it is why I fell in love with him and makes him the man he is and one of the reasons why I continue to love him deeply.

I am most proud of my stepdaughters and do a lot for them - I tutor them and have raised ESD's high school grades, have taught them all to cook, designed and made a knock em dead dress for ESD when she had a boyfriend last year and wanted a special date dress.....etc, etc. I am not jealous of my DP's children - to be jealous of a child just doesn't equate with me.

I encourage DP to spend quality time with his children without me being around - it means I can also spend quality time with my family and friends - and if contact is ever disrupted it is usually me who rearranges it to ensure DP doesn't miss out on time with his children.

I have a very good, loving and respectful relationship with my own father (and my late grandfather) and my parents are still together after many years of marriage.

I think it's a bit harsh to judge myself and the other posters on this forum in such a vitriolic fashion but I guess it's something you feel strongly about and I commend you for sharing your feelings with us.

I am no saint but I can assure you that I am most definitely not "sick" - I am merely involved in a situation which at times I feel to be unnatural and I applaud this forum for allowing me to share feelings which I would not vent elsewhere.

Shook's picture

Submitted by Shook on Tue, 05/14/2013 - 1:23pm

LOL you're not sick. A good friend who's a mom--no steps at all--jokes about that all the time. Everyone found it cute with her DH & their daughter until they called their son a momma's boy. She laughs about it but as they say there's always a little truth hidden in every joke, she does wonder if her daughter is going to have daddy issues & ever going to find a man that will meet her high standards of daddy.

luchay's picture

Submitted by luchay on Wed, 05/15/2013 - 3:40am

Hey there, Smile
I don't think Jocasta is saying there is anything inappropriate going on, but the pics the sd is posting on fb are "couply" I read this to mean not your normal daddy/daughter pics, hugs or kisses. She is posing with her dad in ways that are more sexually suggestive I guess, like if he were her boyfriend not her dad. By 17 there IS a boundary that should have been set regarding appropriate father daughter touching/hugging

whatwasithinkin's picture

Submitted by whatwasithinkin on Wed, 05/15/2013 - 11:20am

I dont think your sick.

I am not sure of your age but I can tell you I see a huge difference in these girls and their Dad's. But then again I came from a nuclear family and appropriate lines between parents and kids.

I would never in a million years have posed with my father the say my SD poses in her little selfies with my DH. As a matter of fact DH and I dont have any "selfies" at all.

I also think it is social media. At 17 I wanted to run from camera's now these kids cant get enough.

Maybe if the caption to the picture was Me and my Dad and not me and the most important man in my life, you would feel differently.

I think we also need to account for the fact or at least I do that SD17 is the spitting image of her mother so its like seeing my DH with his ex wife in my face constantly