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EOWE Bedrooms

bd-sm's picture

I've got a very lucky friend whose DH is EOWE with her two skids.

They're having an ongoing issue with arranging a bedroom in their new place for the skids. DFH (Dear Friend's Husband) demands they get a dedicated room, but DF is stressed for space in their little two bedroom apartment and wants to use the room as a guest/skid bedroom and study.
DFH thinks this is borderline child abuse and treating the skids like unwelcome guests, because of course he does.

DF is desperately trying to find a compromise, because their finances are so tight that paying for a room to stand vacant 12 days out of 14 seems crazy to her, but she doesn't want to put DFH off-side.

Any STalkers with EOWE arrangements? How do you manage bedrooms for skids who are seldom there?
Anyone got a genius way to store Skid things out of sight without making DH feel like they're being rejected from the home? They're renting, so fold-up beds and anything built-in sadly isn't an option.

(I'm helping her move all her things in in a fortnight, and I'd love to have some ideas for her!)

notasm3's picture

Her DH is being a total ass. When one lives in a small 2 BR apartment you have to make use of every single inch of space. I speak from experience. DH and I lived in 2 small (under 1000 sq. ft) condos before we bought our house.

Virtually every room had to serve a dual purpose - well except the bathroom and the tiny, tiny kitchen. The 2nd BR had most of our pots and pans on shelves. But we still had many guests who used that room for visits.

If her DH thinks that they need a room dedicated to his kids then he needs to go earn more money to pay for it.

bd-sm's picture

Her issue is that they don't have any space for a computer, spare bedding, towels, christmas tree, printers, books, etc. It's a minuscule apartment with no shed/garage.
From what I've seen, they're either going to have to keep it as a dual purpose rooms and not just lock the door for 12 days a fortnight, or shell out for a storage locker indefinitely.

I think it's pretty unfair that she's going to be paying 50% of the rent, and to have to look at paying for storage too because her DH wants a shrine to his babies to sit untouched ready-and-waiting for when they return - that's like insisting that nobody else can use the television while the skids are away so that it's ready and waiting on kids shows when they return.

I think she's looking for ways to set up a bit of a transformer-room that can be really quickly and easily converted back to a skid-friendly space when they come to visit, not to put them in a barren hotel-style guest room or on a trundle bed in her office!

LAMomma's picture

We do the EOWE schedule with my husband's kids but I have kids of my own so the bedrooms are already set up for kids. We just have a bunk bed with a trundle underneath for when they come over. My daughter sleeps on the top since she lives here full time almost and they sleep on the bottom and pull out trundle when they come.

I'd tell her to look into maybe bunk beds or a loft type bedding system. It saves space and she can have other stuff in the room also. Her DH is just being silly. How old are the kids?

bd-sm's picture

I can't get rid of my skids with playdates since Dahmer Jnr is known for trying to strangle, molest or skin the pets of any child he's left unattended with, so I don't pay too much mind to other people's spawn XD

twoviewpoints's picture

Having a guestroom in a two bedroom tiny apartment is unrealistic when the argument she's using is "paying for a room to stand vacant 12 days out of 14 seems crazy to her". How many guest does she plan on having more than two out of every fourteen days on a regular basis? My guess is none.

So that leaves study or skid bedroom. Does the friend attend school and/or work from home? Does she need more than a simple desk with writing/computer space? combining skids with a desk is doable. Perhaps a quality pull-out sofa , a desk, dresser and room in closet for skid stuff. The sofa would double as a place for skids to sit and play besides also the floor. The room would also be more adult friendly when skids are absent. Think about a wall television in there also. Skids would enjoy that.

Her goal should be to make her husband's kids as welcome and comfortable as any two bedroom tiny apartment can be and accommodate daily practical needs at same time.

Cimcim's picture

We have a 2 bedroom unit and see my husbands kids 3 times a year for about 2 weeks. When they are not here the bedroom is used for storage (bike, vacuum cleaner, clothes etc) and guest room but when they come over we move all the stuff to our bedroom and they just have their room with a bunk bed, half empty clothes cupboard and bookshelf. All the storage stuff makes out room more crowded but I don't mind it for 2 weeks every few months. Our next place with be 3 bedroom but only because we want to expand the family Smile
OP, could the items in the second room fit in the master bedroom while the kids are there? That would be a temporary solution but I would look at getting a larger place or a storage locker- sounds the house has too many things/ people in it for its size.
EOWE is pretty often and I think should feel 'at home' rather than just visiting.

Rags's picture

This has nothing to do with anything except logic and required space utilization. DF's DFH is an idiot and she needs to smack him upside the head (figuratively of course... unless actual physical contact is what is required to shake a screw back into alignment in his pea sized brain).

She needs to be in HIS room with a pad of graph paper converting his room into a combo HERs bedroom/office and tell him that since he is an idiot he needs to move to the porch.

Moron!!!!

The space in any home must be configured and utilized for the primary residents even when there is a kid visitation situation in play. Of course there should be adequate space for the visiting kid(s) to have a bed and be able to be physically comfortable.

In our case my Skid would be relegated to the floor when he would visit his Sperm Idiot depending on how many spawn the Sperm Idiots live in skank of the month brought with her when she moved in. That was a non starter for my wife and I and we nailed the Sperm Clan's idiot asses to the wall for that crap.

However, a guest room/office is more than reasonable. Get a day/trundle bed and set it up as a sofa/day bed in the office and when the Skid(s) arrive they can use it as their room until they depart.

Or... just inform him that the 2nd br is the office/guest room and will be used by his spawn when they are there and as an office or br depending on the requirements when they are not in the home. Some people are beyond discussing an issue with and when they reach that point they are told. Period.

SecondGeneration's picture

Again I would clarify why she needs this study, is she working from home or is she just looking for a place to set up her computer? If shes not working from home then get rid of the pc and get a laptop, the beauty of them is they are portable, heck you can sit on the sofa with it, or at the dinning table if you need to do some serious work.

I never understand the logic of not giving a step-kid a bedroom and wanting to use a space as a guest room, even if its EOWE its more frequent than guests. Also depending on where you are then you need to be careful about removing a bedroom for skids as sometimes that can affect visitation. And in my mind no parent should loose over night access because their partner would rather have a pretty guest room/study instead of a bedroom for a child.

Sounds like they didnt think things through before getting the property, or they have too much stuff. We have no garage, no loft access, and no shed. We had to get rid of alot of space wasting stuff that in all honesty, we barely used, perhaps they need to do the same.

iamlosingit's picture

I have the same problem. We have a two bedroom. It is mainly ss 8 room, however I told DH that if I was expected to pay for half of the rent, that the room would also be a guest room. Fast forward almost 7 months later and there are toys everywhere, posters on the wall, stickers, legos everywhere. You can let it bother you, or you can just shrug it off. If someone does come over on a non skid weekend, they are more then welcome to use the bed. As far as posters and toys, try to keep it as neat as possible but in the end who really is going to care about the decorations/style? Storage bins that roll under the bed are awesome, and you can buy bed risers to add lift so there is more room for storage but you can still easily get on the bed. The only thing I have an issue with (having a talk with DH this week) is ss doesn't always pick up his room before he leaves. We don't have him this weekend and the room looks like a bomb went off. I'm sure DH would pick it up himself, but that doesn't really teach ss about responsibilities. Hanging closet organizers are a HUGE help for storing clothing instead of taking up space with a dresser, and you can usually find them at a thrift store pretty cheap. We are looking into adding an extra twin bed in there as well for sleepovers and added guests if they feel uncomfortable sleeping in skid bed. If its EOW visitation there is NO reason why the room should only be used for the child. We also have a desk with a tv on it, for the most part it stays cleared off so anybody could go in and use it if they wanted to.

SweetMom's picture

I have a room for my step kid and she's barely In it. I do think they should have a futan and a dresser or a drawer for the personal belongings. I lived with my parents growing up with 5 brothers and sisters, all I had was a drawer. It's not a big deal in a kids mind.. All they want is attention.