The entitled stepdaughter
My wife and I have been married 7 years. She brought three children to the marriage, I had none.Her ex has since remarried and lives in the same town. The ex is very wealthy, and he married a trust funder. We, on the other hand are just hard working middle class. Because her ex constantly derided there mother in front of the kids, fought with us over every financial issue, called and accused us of everything under the sun, I finally put my foot down three years ago, and told him that since paying for the kids basics and wanted to make damn sure that we pay for our half, that I would do the noble thing and pay for evrything, including their college educations. This worked well for the first two children. We got them through good old State U. and they have since graduated. The oldest, a boy (now a Man) is doing well in his life and his career. The second,a girl, and still a girl wasted her education, moved home and is living with daddy, who incidentally bought her a Lexus for her high school graduation, while we foot the bill for college. The third step daughter has lived with us from day one. We bought her a car (not a Lexus) so she could get to school and her part time job. She is going through the I am 17 and I can't stand either of you phase. She was not accepted to State U. but a couple of second level State Colleges that still would provide a good education. She on the other hand wants to go to a snotty private university that costs 4 times as much just because my "rich freinds go there" This would bankrupt our future ( we are in our 50s and need to start saving for our retirement) Her father is stoking the flames, because he would love to see us go deeper into college loan debt. HELP.
Do you have a legal agreement to pay for college?
My question is, are you legally bound to pay for her education? If not, let Daddy foot the bill. My DH's EX wanted the whole college education put into their divorce agreement, he refused, he told her he would pay for their education, but it was going to be on HIS terms, not HERS. I.E., EX is member of high society in Ft. Lauderdale & DH didn't want a bill from Sweetbriar, etc. Good thing DH didn't have this included, SS #2 was busted for drugs, kicked out of high school & went to 2 rehabs. He decided he wanted to go to college but couldn't even get up on time to go bag groceries at the local store. (DH had custody of boys) Anyway, DH said "NO", EX had a fit, DH said you go in the ARMY for 2 years & prove to me you are responsible enough to get up, etc & to attend school. DH is retired ARMY Colonel. Well, SS went in Army, was late getting up for drill, etc, got his act together, go promoted to PFC and then screwed up again & was stripped to a private before he got out. He eventually went to college part time (DH paid tuition) but also flunked out of that. He now has a thriving business @ age 40, but for years DH bailed him out of financial messes (behind my back). Just before DH permanantly retired (worked 15 year after reitring from military), I laid down the law that we were not helping him out any more (SS was actaully making more $$ than us but couldn't manage it). So, sorry to go on & on, but the point is, college is a privilege that is earned by good grades & responsibility. If she has copped an attitude @ 17, which we all know is fairly normal, let her go live with Daddy & Daddy can pay for college. Sometimes we have to step back, let the kids figure it out for themselves. Our kids (his & mine) all went to state schools, did great & have all gone on to get their masters (on their own dime). I support you & think you should sit her down & say, "I'm willing to pay for X amout of schooling a year, if you want to go to private school, you will have to come up with the difference"...see what happens, she's the one that "knows so much"...let her figure it out!!