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The enormous egos

bewitched's picture

Girls-I'm cleaning, cleaning, cleaning today...and stopping on here occasionally to see what's going on.

Then H called-coming home tomorrow (can hear how excited he expects me to be in his voice).

So it occured to me-I mentioned to you all that he had apologized, had a normal evening Friday, etc. How can a man treat a woman as I have been treated, as ferretmom has been treated, as a number of the H's & boyfriends, treat their SO's, and not even suspect that we (some of us) are planning on ending our relationship as soon as feasibly possible?

How can anyone's ego be so huge that they cannot conceive of the thought that as they continue to be emotionally, mentally, abusive, their SO will not leave them? I can tell from H's demeanor, that he fully believes that I am still totally in love with him, and will remain so regardless of his treatment of me. What an enormous ego. Enormous.

sarahbernheart's picture

I still cant figure out how it is that I am the bad guy cuz FH son needs an ass kicking right out of my house- but he doesnt have the gahonas (sp) to do it??
men...sorry Rags!!!

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

KeepsGettingBetter's picture

My BF once said to me that he will always be able to pull me back if he thought I was going to leave. So I left him, didn't answer any of his calls or messages just took off in the car. I obviously did come back, I left from about 11am and returned about 10pm, when I walked through the door besides the fact that his jaw fell to the ground he said I knew you would come back and all I said was if you say it again I won't and I don't think you wanna test me either, he has never said it since.

Their egos need to be bought back to reality.
If he keeps going the way he's going my bags will be packed and I'll be out of here. Let's see how his ego is then :evil:

bewitched's picture

"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere

You know, the furniture you bought that he thought you'd just leave with him if you left!

ferretmom's picture

Today I got to have my first "I told you so" moment. My youngest son graduated from the same high school that sd goes to and I knew that the students have to take the ACTs to graduate. I told both of them, sd and H, last year that she needed to study for the ACTs and PSATs if she wanted to graduate and have any hop for going to college. According to them I didn't know what I was talking about. Now that the new school year has started the school sent home notification she DOES have to take the tests. School started here in Aug. and she took the ACTs about 3 wks ago. I kept saying study study study because these are hard tests. Again I didn't know what I was talking about. H kept saying she's so smart she'll pass it sooo easy. So there ws no studying for the tests at all. Well today her scores came in the mail and H had her open it in front of us so he could prove how smart his little princess is. Imagine his horror and my hysterical laughter when it turns out she got a 5 out of a possible 210. Can you say "I TOLD YOU SO"? Yes I have rubbed it in all afternoon, he loves it when I'm wrong about something and never shuts up about it. Now it's my turn. Ego has made a crash landing big time.

northernsiren's picture

A 5????

Are you sure she even showed up????

LMFAO....

from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.

bewitched's picture

"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere

That's some genius your H has there. Bet she takes after him-oh, sorry, forgot that she probably isn't his to begin with!

ferretmom's picture

She took the ASVAB over the summer, I have it on cd, and got a whole whopping 15 on it. The girl is basically illiterate because she doesn't try. She tells everyone that she's lazy and proud of it. H tried to say she has a learning disability and I'm like since when. It seems to me that something like that would have been diagnosed years ago. My youngest was diagnosed as dialectic when he was in 2nd grade. He managed to score 190 on his ACTs and a 1500 on his SATs. She's just like her bm, but he doesn't want to admit it. There's tons I could say about that but I don't want to offend anyone here.

Sarah101's picture

When I dropped the D-Bomb on my H this weekend, he was completely stunned. Had no idea that I felt so strongly about him bankrupting us for his adult children that I would actually consider divorce.

I have only been asking him to stop giving away our money for the past 3 years, begging him to consider our situation, crying about it, suffering anxiety attacks, migraines, consulting professionals, asking him to find us a marriage counselor, and finally just pulling away from him. I have tried anger, tears, pleading, rational conversation--all of it. Over and over again.

And he didn't see this coming? REALLY?

(I'll write more about the details later--but yes, I pulled the plug on this marriage.)

Harleygal's picture

I'm sorry it had to come to that. Why won't these jerks just listen to us?? Why do they not treat the marriage as a partnership instead of each person going it alone? Why all the secrecy where the skids and money are concerned? I just don't get it.

northernsiren's picture

Sarah I'm so sorry, but good for you for saying enough is enough.

I had the same problem with my exhusband. Begged for years to go to counseling together, went by myself instead, even the therapist told me it was done but still I hung in, trying to make it work, crying to him, in moments of despair and calm trying to talk to him, left him overnight on several occasions as a "WAKE UP!" but apparently I should have been saying "for real" all the those times, b/c like yours, he was completely stunned when I said I was done, I wanted a divorce, and even though in fighting he had said the same thing, he never "really meant it". One of the biggest differences between us, I choose my words carefully with those I love, I'd rather say nothing than something I'll regret. He was the opposite.

It's a hard decision to make, and if yours is like mine was, NOW he'll want to do the counseling, the make up, all that. But no matter what my ex said or did, my heart and trust has been broken too many times for me to get to that point, and I knew I'd never feel the same about him again.

I wish he had listened. I wish he has tried when it would have made a difference. We had a lot of good between us too, but too many of my cries and pleas for help and understanding went unanswered for too long.....

from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.

bewitched's picture

"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere

These men-box us into a corner where there is no choice left but to split. And then they are surprised that we're unhappy-where was he all these times with the anxiety attacks, migraines, etc?

Probably too busy focusing on his adult kids to even notice.

sarahbernheart's picture

that with this last confrontation my FH and I had with his 18 BS (see I am sick of the muching) that we would be going our seperate ways too.
good luck Sarah we are here for ya!

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

stronggirl's picture

don't you get 10 points for filling in your name and the date correctly?

wow a 5

No Regrets is crap, they will always remember how you made them feel...