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Embarrassed to be seen in public with skids

MrsMiserable's picture

I feel like a horrible person for saying this but I have gotten to a point where I am actually embarrassed to even be associated with my step sons in public. They are gross, rude, loud and have no respect for anyone around them. I have given my best effort over the past three years to fix some of this behavior only because I was so embarrassed by it but they are now almost 10 and almost 12 and are still just as horrific. 

When we go out to dinner they sit with their faces in their ipads the entire time, fighting and yelling at each other if they are playing a game together. DH insists that they put the ipads down long enough to look the server in the face while they order their food but they still have to be told every flipping time we are out. And then it's back to face in ipad. They both chew with their mouths open and smack very loudly, talk with food in their mouths, stand up at table and wiggle around slamming into people. It's mortifying!!! 

Last weekend DH was working  Saturday and my BS11 had opening day for baseball which was going to be an all day event. I told DH I was not taking SS's with me if they couldn't behave as I have had to take them to the fields before for games and they whined the entire time that they were bored. So we gave them the choice to go with me and BD9 for the day or spend the day with DH's mom (their grandma) who their BM has convinced them not to want to have anything to do with. Story for another day... Anyway, I let them know ahead of time that we would be there from about 9am until 2pm in the afternoon. There would be food vendors, carnival games and the playground would be open before BS's 12:00 game but it was going to be a long day. They both said they wanted to come with us. Oh joy. I kept telling them that they had to behave and they needed to be prepared to entertain themselves. Yep, uh huh they would, they were excited to watch BS's game and they promised they would be good. So I was stuck with them...

And it ended up being the exact nightmare I knew it was going to be. We had to arrived at 9am for team pictures. I had told BD and skids they could bring snacks with them, a book if they wanted, whatever was going to keep them happy for the day. BD brought a bottle of water, a sweatshirt, and a snack. Skids packed up a giant backpack with ipads, nintendo switches, headphones and a stack of books. After BS's team pics we had a couple hours to play the carnival games that were set up, get some breakfast, and just hang out. SS9 was whining by 10:00 that he was hot and bored and wanted to go home. I was so mad. I knew this was exactly what was going to happen that's why I discussed them staying with their grandma several times but NOPE they insisted on coming with us. He literally whined the entire day. Neither one of them would play games with BD or go to the playground. They didn't want food from any of the vendors because "none of that sounds good" and had zero interest in watching BS's game. I bought all three of them slushies thinking they could drink those and sit quietly for a few minutes and skids decided to put their hands in their blue slushies and throw the ice at each other with about 50 other people sitting right by us!!

While the game was going on they had built a huge fort with blankes and jackets (didn't realize they had shoved all that in their backpacks) in the bleachers where parents and families were watching the game. They both had their ipads out playing games but refused to put their headphones on so I know they were annoying the crap out of everyone sitting near us. I was so embarrassed. Other parents kept making comments like "Are they afraid of the sun? Do they not like being outside at all? Are they ok under there?" At one point SS11 happened to watch the actual game for about 2 minutes, mind you he has no idea about any kind of sports or the rules, and yells very loudly "that kid trying to hit the ball really sucks why does he look so weird?" Come on kid really???? 

When we got home I informed DH NEVER AGAIN. It's bad enough when I have to be in public with them when we go out as a family. But it's much worse when I have them by myself and they act like little shits and refuse to listen to me or be respectful. DH doesn't understand why I have a problem and thinks it's "good for them" to go to stuff like this with me and my bios. I don't have one inkling WHO it's good for except maybe himelf because when he got out of work at 1:00 we were still there and he got to go home and have the house to himself for two hours... 

Winterglow's picture

You should have called him 10 minutes before he left work and told him to come and collect his feral brats kids - if you'd have told him how bored they were he might have flown to their rescue. 

The lesson from all this is to never give them a choice  again. Next time it's straight off to grandma's.

tog redux's picture

I wouldn't go out "as a family" either. If DH can't control his kids and teach them some manners, then he doesn't get the pleasure of your company going out for dinner.

MrsMiserable's picture

I can't believe I left out the best part about the day!! Apparently when they talked to mommy dearest that night they complained to her about having to go to the baseball fields all day and she had the nerve to text DH and ask him how dare he MAKE them go with me and be outside for hours just because my son had an event. Next time she is more than welcome to come get her spawn and keep them while DH works!!!!

nappisan's picture

i would be using BM's own words next time .........i dont think they should be outside for hours at my sons event honey and im not making them go as it wouldnt be fair to them, it would be better for these little angels to stay home with you(DH) or mom .  DH  can then look after his poorly behaved brats , take them work with him and see how that ends up or drop them at BM's house ,, leave poor grandma out of it I say!

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Then the SSs hanging out with you is no longer an option. If DH has to work, the skids are either with him at his work, with BM, or with Grandma. But NOT with you. 

When my SSs were younger, they had such atrocious table manners, that I refused to eat with them. It made me sick to my stomach. It was shortly thereafter that I disengaged and stopped cooking on skid weekends (DH had to do it). DH couldn't tolerate them acting like pigs at the trough and started enforcing table manners. 

tog redux's picture

Yep, OP - don't agree to keep these kids if DH is at work.  If the kids are brats and run to BM complaining about you, then she can take them when DH is at work.  Or Grandma. But DH makes it happen, and he takes them wherever they are going.

You may not be able to make him parent, but you can sure stop helping him be a lazy parent.

Siemprematahari's picture

Lesson learned! You are to never take his children with you anywhere again. I will repeat like the other posters and can't stress enough that the SS's do not stay with you if H is working. It's either BM or grandma but you shouldn't be subjected to this type of f@ckery again.

 

notarelative's picture

I would not be taking them to anything without their dad again. Dinner out with them would not be in my agenda. I am not a nice step (grand) mother. Dinner, to me, is family talk time not device time. The refusal to use earpods would have done me in. I can take whining, but the blatant disrespect, not just for me, for everyone in the area would be more than I could tolerate. 

We got to pick up the grandkids on a half school day (only because SD needed a sitter and we were her only option). Grandkids got in the car,  one said hello, other said nothing, put in their earpods, and opened up their iphones. No talking from them until we got to our destination (2 hours of duckpin bowling). I made them put their phones in their backpacks in the trunk of the car. 

They were not happy, and I didnt, and still don't, care. One ended up having fun. The other whined 90% of the time we were there. 

Point was made though. Whiner grandkid must have complained to SD. About a month later SD and kids came to the house and SD had the grandkids leave their phones in the car.

Swim_Mom's picture

LOL this is awesome Smile So lesson learned, don't take them anywhere or do any 'family dinners'. This is hilarious though! I've been a bit embarrassed by my SS as well - he does not know how to order from a restaurant. My kids all know how to be respectful to the server and say "May I please have...." and fat ass SS always says "Can I get...." (with no eye contact). So we never go out "as a family" - ever.

Rags's picture

Too bad they are not a couple of years older so you could just leave them home alone and not have to be seen in public with them.  Ever.