The Elephant in the Room is finally Out

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So DH mentioned to me last week that he wanted to phone YSD, and talk with her about the situation with OSD and SIL and us (when after many years of SIL and OSD using SIL's 'great relationship' with BM as a means to stick it to us/alienate, humiliate and generally make me feel an outsider, he stood up to SIL about it)

...it was bothering him that OSD and SIL would have made it seem to YSD that this whole thing was about BM/that we were somehow putting her down

So after assuring DH that this was his family and up to him what he wanted to do, he did call YSD

DH told me that he asked YSD if she was aware of the situation and she said yes

He then told her that it had nothing to do with BM, that he has no problem whatsoever with BM and that I've always in fact liked her

DH told YSD that the issue was when OSD and SIL especially, used the 'great' relationship they have with BM as a means to stick it to him and I every single time we get together

DH said he asked YSD how SSIL would feel if every single time we got together with her and him that not only did we barely so much as acknowledge him, most times not so much as even say hello, openly exclude him from all conversations despite his polite effort in the past to participate, sarcasticlaly put him/them down, but at the same time we not only made it clear we regularly got together with her ex but we endlessly stopped talking about it/him (her ex) how wonderful, great, fun, amazing, etc.. and always loundly, cheerfully, and fully in the presense of her husband/SSIL, this same person we openly treated like total garbage

YSD said that SSIL wouldn't be very happy about that at all, and that she understood what DH was saying, that sadly OSD always takes everything to the extreme, but that she (YSD) really didn't want there to be any problems when she comes home/for SGD's birthday party

DH told her there absolutely would be no problems because he and I would not be attending.

He told YSD that he hoped she and her family would simply come and see us separately, and that we would have a nice time together

So we shall see

I would not be surprised if as the date gets nearer she says they won't have time, and the only way we can see them is if we go to the party

But either way, in the meantime, the cat is now out of bag

After all these years of us avoiding the elephant in the room...the unacceptable behavior of SIL and OSD towards DH & I, me in particular, DH has finally called a spade a spade and everyone knows where we stand

SIL and OSD now know without any doubt that DH & I have been on to their games, and that we will no longer tolerate it. Even with OSD denying DH the opportunity to see his own grandkids, even then, DH is making it clear that he will stand up for his wife/what is right, and will not allow himself to be effected by this extortion

It amazes me how SIL cannot feel embarrassment, as all of this is about her jealous insecure need to win, to meddle in her brother's life, family, and happiness just to prove she is somehow more important/superior/loved by him than his own wife. How she has encouraged OSD to act out, all to somehow force her father/DH, to 'choose her over his wife'

How they can wake up every day and look themselves in the mirror is beyond me

It is beyond me how your

It is beyond me how your husband has allowed this behavior all of these years. He should have stood up to them years ago. As his wife, I would not have put up with this bull EVER and he should not have expected you to.

I hear what you're saying,

I hear what you're saying, but not always so easy to take on directly

DH has tried, tried to handle it non-confrontationally and so have I

We both know what OSD is like and how she would use the old 'I'm walking out of your life and taking sgkids with me' card

Guess we stupidly thought SIL and OSD would one day grow up and behave better, but in fact, they have just gotten worse and worse over the years to the point that DH finally stepped up to it directly

And now dealing with the consequences of course, which is what he/we had hoped to avoid

In the end, I'm glad it's out there and that DH has made it clear to both of them that he 'chose' to do the right thing no matter what

How do you feel? Is there

How do you feel? Is there some relief in knowing that everything is out in the open?

I think there's a lot of empowerment in facing up to and/or speaking the truth, even if doing so causes the wheels to finally come off. I wasted a lot of years turning the other cheek, ignoring bad behavior, and rugsweeping issues because that's what everyone does in my DH's family. You and your DH can now move forward with clear consciences because you've acknowledged the abuse that's occurring and called out the bad actors on it.I

And kudos to your DH for protecting you and standing up to his female relatives. My H has never done that directly.

Thank you Exjulie, yes it

Thank you Exjulie, yes it actually feels amazing to have that all out in the open

Now SIL and OSD who love to play the victims as DH says, are being called out as the instigators and extortionists in this mess, which is truly what they are

I think OSD thought she would force DH to bend to her will, beg to be a part of her life and sgkids at any cost, even ignoring the mistreatment and bad behavior to us/me, and she may be more than a little surprised that it seems to have back-fired on her

I think BM is probably going to put some pressure on OSD to fix this too, as I'm sure BM does not agree with the grandkids not seeing their own grandfather, not to mention, BM just loves any opportunity to be in the same room as DH so she won't be pleased at all

And speaking of BM, OSD pulled this same crap with BM and her SO a few years ago. All because OSD insisted that when she visit for Christmas, BM's SO should have to leave the house (he lived there with BM) so OSD could visit BM without his presence. And when he said no, OSD withheld sgkids from BM, for 2-3 years....so, there you go

Unlike BM & her SO however, DH is not going to 'hold a meeting' with OSD and read her the riot act, DH is simply going to gtive her exactly what she said she wanted, him out of her life!

Good on DH for making the

Good on DH for making the call and discussing it directly. Hopefully his daugter can remain mature and separate the situation so that she and her family can have a relationship with her dad.

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