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Educate me on narcissism

1dad4kids's picture

So I've done my fair share of research on the subject but since narcissim is so difficult to diagnose unless somehow the psychologist is in their close circle, there's not that much info out there. 

I believe my BM to be a Narcissist. She is never wrong. She will never approve of anything unless it was her idea. If she doesn't get her way, regardless of the reason, she plays the victim card. Further to that, she infantilizes my SS and has lied in court documents- even after those lies have been proven to be that, she still proceeds as though they are truth. 

I also believe my little brother to be a Narcissist. He has a genius level IQ, works in an average level career that requires no schooling. He dropped out of 1 college, 1 university and 1 trade school. He has maintained his current job for 7 years. 

He lies all the time, and blames whoever calls him out on the lie as the reason he's having to lie. He does play the victim, he's the baby of the family though so everyone "understands". 

I get along great with him. He's my favorite family member. I decided years ago that he was a Narcissist and it's been much easier to get along with him since. 

What is true narcissim? Did BM become a Narcissist when DH started going for custody? Prior to that they got along ok. He described her as laid back, a bit of a drama queen but he didn't know her well as they only hooked up for a couple weeks. 

If I had to say, I'd suggest my brother has been a Narcissist his entire life. He's sought diagnosis and therapy but has only ever been told he has general anxiety disorder. 

Anyway, just an interesting topic to discuss. Imo anyway ha ha

Momof6WI's picture

The lying, cheating, gas-lighting. He knew how to be manipulative to get his way. He would literally make me feel like I was the crazy person, looking back it was blatantly obvious he was doing shady things but always had an excuse to give it a reason.  Looking back I have a lot of regret that I wasted so many years with this person. But - I didn't let him ruin me. I had to come to terms with the fact that he was just a miserable person, and karma would catch up with him. And it did to a degree. I am now in a healthy relationship. Every now and then I catch myself slipping into the old pattern of "is he lying to me" "is he where he says he is going to be". Then I shake it off. Remind myself not all men are dogs, and move on. My daughter 20 has a lot of anxiety, which I feel has a lot to do with the way she grew up- in that environment. We talk about it often, I try to tread carefully as I will never speak bad about my ex to our kids unless it's something absolutely absurd. She's learned to come to her own conclusions about him and I hear often that "he is so messed up in the head" from her. He has this persona of "I'm right- you're wrong" and makes it very clear. He is very arrogant.  He can be a complete asshole when provoked or FEELS like he's being provoked. There were times where he would literally give me the silent treatment for DAYS if I confronted him on subjects. It was a horrible way to live, and he could be downright emotionally abusive. When I left him he tried to make my life hell. When I started seeing my now DH, he decided to date my DH's ex. Then later admitted it was to "stir the pot".  I've got so many stories. But in the long run, I think it's made me a stronger person and I can recognize those traits in others and steer clear of them. 
 

Insane. Run from these people lol. 

thiscantbenormal's picture

My last boyfriend was diagnosed bipolar but I think he was really NPD.  Everything was about him and his needs and what you could do for him. If he was having a convo with someone and he didn't agree with what they were saying, he would just walk away from them.  I didn't love him b/c I didn't remember what his favorite cereal was (i would get it confused with another similar cereal).  I didn't love him b/c i wouldn't leave my office to go pick up his meds during my 15 min break. I said I would do it after I got off work. Nope. Not good enough, it had to be during my break.  His clothes had to be laundered and put away in a specific way with different pair of jeans being handled differently depending on how old the jeans were.  Que the movie Sleeping With The Enemy.  I got punished by being disinvited going somewhere with him because I didn't put a printer away he left on his table.  I didn't know if my bags would be packed for me while I was at work on most days

My SS takes narcissism to a whole new level.

I'm not 100% sure the BM in my life is NPD but she definitely feels she is entitled to everything and is a big golden uterus and a bit of munchausen by proxy.  Funny thing is, DH and I were discussing if BM was a narcissist and all of a sudden she was blasting him on text calling him one.  We had a moment of paranoia if his phone was bugged.  My DH is not a narcissist.  He does have a selfish streak and an ego but he's not narcissistic.