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To early

Fedupskiddad2's picture

Sitting here this morning with tomorrow being 4 years since my sister passed away.  Her son is staying with me until afyer Christmas because to be honest he was getting way to much to handle for my step mom and dad. They adopted him and my neice after my sister passed. His dad is in prison, molested his older daughter from a previous marriage.  Not to mention 1 month after her death at 11 years old he got diagnosed as a type 1 diabetes. Kid definitely got a sack of shit handed to him.

If the wife and I still lived together there is no way I could do this. As the months have passed since moving out im becoming more comfortable here with my 8 year old and now my nephew (who might be here permanently). Every time I walk into the wifes home and smell the stench from her boys bedrooms and see the home not cleaned with the step sons being 17 and 18 and home all day I get upset then it hits me. HEY  NOT MY MONKEYS NOT MY CIRCUS.  Step son 17 talked to a navy recruiter (im a army veteran) and well let's just say if he actually goes through with it ill be surprised. 

It hit me last night the difference in parenting real hard. My nephew overslept and missed 2 online classes. My mom called me to let me know. My 8 year old gets dropped off at there house in the morning. My mom just makes sure he signs onto online school. I got home and said "nephew we need to talk" . He showed me the work he did do and also agreed to do the missing work. Also I made a spreadsheet for his glucose numbers to write down. His machine shows them but I want h to be responsible and cross-reference them so I know hes not lying. My wife is upset that I ight tske him full time because she's just " tired and done" being a parent. I love her but I'm getting to the point that I feel like a stranger in the home I helped buy and pay for. Just yesterday ss17 texted at noon for a ride to work at 5pm. I said probably not due to a side job im doing. At 330 he called and said "no one can take me" . So i packd up at 4 and went to her house. Walked im and said "you have a 300 dollar bike and it's only 40 degree out, why did u not ride to work. He said its to cold. I lost it. I told him I just worked 9 hours outside and he just cost me 100 in.lost wages. He just sat there quiet. I told the wife and she said"why did you take him then"? Well bitch if I didn't you guys would be pissed and I'd hear abput it. Im so over it. The sheer laziness and excuses I hear. Then to top it off SS18 ordered Uber eats for the millionth time in a row as I was leaving. Moms bills are all behind and he pays no rent. I got in my truck and just kept telling myself,  not my monkeys not my circus. Well I'm off to start my day. Got two boys to get up at 530 am. Thank you guys for letting me vent. 

Side not when I say mom im talking about my STEP MOM of over 25 years. She is an amazing woman that I treasure. 

tog redux's picture

What do you love about your wife? She's the cause of the chaos you hate so much, she's the center of that toxic mess. She's tired of parenting? Doesn't sound like she's done much parenting, and she'd better be prepared to care for her kids for a long time to come, because she's taught them no independent living skills. 
 

 

Winterglow's picture

I don't understand why your wife is scared that you take your nephew full-time - she isn't parenting in your home, it's no skin off her nose. As for being tired of parenting, it seems to me that she doesn't do a lot of that anyway. You realize that her kids are probably never going to launch, don't you? So any dreams of being free of them are just that... dreams. You do also realize that you will be liable for her debts as she apparently keeps on racking them up. I don't think it's too early for you at all. I think you know what you need to do. Rip off that band-aid ...

Fedupskiddad2's picture

She dosnt want me to take my nephew because she's just "tired" of being a parent.  I can respect her opinion but this is my nephew. This is the same kid I Skype with when I was oversees.  Im the closest thing to a dad he has now. In my heart I know I need to quit thinking it will get better. I find myself not even wanting to go there when her boys are home. It hurts that I've invested 8 years from the time they were 10 and 9 trying to help raise them to just walk away. I see the good qualities her boys have then it gets crushed when I buy her groceries this weekend because she's "out of money " afyer getting paid. She makes WAY more than I do. I told her to start charging 18ss rent and she said she will afyer the first of the year. Im just afraid I guess. My ex wife. Took off when I was overseas and took EVERYTHING  and my 8 bio sons mom left, took him and lied to the courts when I got sober 8 years ago. I do love her boys and it honestly kills me to see what they are turning into. I doubt it will last much past Christmas. I told my kids the only ones getting presents were bio son 8, nephew 15 and daughter 17. Other than that Sorry i don't have money. 

JRI's picture

You sound like a good guy.

CLove's picture

I understand your child needs his mother, however that being said, your child is "imprinting" on toxic behaviors, that will come up later as I am seeing.

You cannot fix this. All the signs are there, you just need the fortitude to move forward with what you know to be the right thing for yourself and children (Im certain your older kids are watching this happen and are mad for you...)

 

Keep posting, and keep us posted!

Fedupskiddad2's picture

That's just the thing. My wife is my 8 bio sons step mom. She's raised him since he was 1.5 years old and she's great with him and he adores her. The issue I have is her sons. My son hasn't been over there in almost a week now due to the sheer gross and filthy bedrooms of my stepsons. Im just at a point that I'm honest with my bio son 8 about why he can't stay there.