dumb dumb dumb!
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SD13 forgot a bazillion things again the other day including socks to wear with her cleats for her lacrosse game.
fiance of course gave her a pair of his to wear.
we had a discussion last night about SD's lack of responsibility for anything (he told me she is near flunking out and will be going to summer school!!! :jawdrop: ). I said to him, she wont learn responsibilty until you and BM expect it. i then said, for example, teh other day when she forgot her socks? I would have made her go without them. he then said "but she would have gotten blisters!" and i said "exactly, and i bet you $20 she woudl never forget socks again now would she?"
he just thought my idea of parenting was absolutely irrational.
*lol* Different approaches I
He needs a lesson in teaching
He needs a lesson in teaching "natural consequences" - but alas that concept is a difficult one for many of these generation (helecopter) parents....their poor babies would suffer, children shouldn't suffer (SMH)
HA - thank goodness DH and I are on the same page together on this one - lol - I can imagine how frustrating it must be for you because it would piss me off as well!
i did take a new tactic last
i did take a new tactic last night that i think might have sunk in to some level.
Fiance has an employee on his staff who repeatedly does not "get it" on some stuff. he has gotten pretty fired up when talking to me about her and i know he's blown up on her a few times because she wont do things teh way they are supposed to be done. he repeatedly tells her to do it X way, btu she does it Y way and then the project falls apart or whatever.
So i said "you know how you feel about Sally at work? that's how i feel sometimes with you in terms of your dealings with SD".
Also, on the issue of how SD makes me feel when seh's in my home, the lack of manners, respect, etc, i asked a similar question. I said to him "remember hwo you felt everytime your brother-in-law (BM's brother) came over?" and he said "but that's different, he just walked into my house, went through my fridge, acted like the place was his own"? and i said, that's what SD does! he of course said its differnet with her, btu i think he at least got on some level how i was feeling even if he doesnt intend to change anything.
Oh NOOO! We can't let the
Oh NOOO! We can't let the precious darlings suffer the consequences of their actions! That's downright CRUEL!
I say let her get the damn blisters. You were 100% right when you said she wouldn't forget them next time.
Know why these kids can't keep up with anything? It's because they've never HAD to, and they've never suffered the consequences of their forgetfulness. All three of my skids are the same way, and DH and BM keep picking up their slack.
If it had been my kid, yep, he would've gotten blisters. Oh well. It won't kill him, and he just might learn something from it.
Heh. Just wait 'til their adults, and your DH is STILL wiping their ass for them!
well its like with her damn
well its like with her damn school books!
she CONSTANLTY forgets to bring books home for homework. one of them always runs her back to school to get it. i say let her not have hte book, she'll get a bad grade and learn. but of course the problem there is that she gets bad grades all the time (hence the flunkout above) and nothing.happens. there is no consequence to her not doing assignments or doing them poorly.
if she actually was disciplined for not turnign in homework, she'd think twice about it. the whole time her parents sit there scratching their heads saying "why isnt she doing her homework??"
and lest you all forget, I AM NOT A MOTHER. this crap is common sense coupled with the tactics my parents used on me as a kid. i get it and they dont!
yeah, my parents were cruel. if i lost mittens/hat/jacket i wouldnt get another one until next winter. i grew up i new england. i learned pretty quick to not lose stuff!
oh, speakign of loss, this kid has gone through 30+ sets of headphones for her stupid ipad. she either loses them or leaves them where her cats chew them. of course she's careless with them, THEY KEEP BUYING HER NEW ONES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, these parents are just
Yes, these parents are just stupid. It's easy to see it from the outside, though. She is going to have a rough time once she's out on her own...she and half her generation.
OMG the "forgetting"!! Uh,
OMG the "forgetting"!! Uh, she wouldn't "forget" important stuff if she had to suffer the consequences of "forgetting".
DH is worried if he doesn't hold SD's hand through everything, that she will fail. She's 10. She should be keeping track of her own assignments. "I forgot" just shouldn't fly, especially when one of the required school supplies is a day planner specifically for writing down assignments!! He wonders what's wrong, what the teachers are doing "wrong", why SD struggles, and I firmly believe it's because she's never been given consequences. She's not a badly behaving kid, she's a hard worker, respectful and kind, so I think DH hand holds rather than letting the natural consequences or giving consequences because SD is a "good kid". He's been getting better, but OMG...I can't believe how involved he is with her actual school work/studying and she's in fifth grade.
Personally, I think there is
Personally, I think there is a BIG difference between a nice gesture like letting a kid wear socks that are already there and driving out of the way to get some. I mean, the example of kindness is a lesson in itself. If you didn't have socks, you could say, "If I had some socks, I'd let you where them, but I'm not going out of my way for your mistake. You will have to learn to be more organized. You will have to sit out or play without socks." But having socks and just being mean teaches nothing...but meanness. I know when I have a lot on my mind, I forget all kinds of things. We call it Mommy brain, PMS, etc. and kids have puberty brain. They should be taught organization skills and how to make sure you have everything for X event. Like a laminated checklist. Too often we expect kids our size to already know everything, as if we never mess up either.
she forgot socks, a hair
she forgot socks, a hair twister, hair brush, time of the damn game, and what team they were playing at the game.
sure, people forget things. but with this girl its a daily, constant occurrence. zero sense of responsibility for herself.
Yep yep yep. SD is 14- she
Yep yep yep.
SD is 14- she can read time yes? She knows it takes 25-30 mins to drive her home.
She organizes with her BM what time she should be home usually and sometimes it is up in the air.
Why am I the one who asks at 5:45, when she wants to watch a movie, "What time do you have to be home?" then she answers, "6" thumb up her ass.
Oh gosh , futureSS12 is the
Oh gosh , futureSS12 is the same way.
Off we go to baseball.....1.5 hour drive ....he forgets his damn cup. So of course we cant drive 3 hours to go get it, fiance has to go to sports authority and buy him a new one. Two weeks ago he left his basketball here because it must have "rolled" its way to hide, I felt like popping it. I told him we will write a list and get your things together because we aren't driving back home for this stuff. With socks though, I would have said too bad and I think that would have been a good learning experience. But the cup.....ehhhhh. Then we had to the the same for his belt. I didn't even know he had one with his baseball uniform but of course, that got lost. Then fiance buys ss12 a 200$ glove for his bday.....I am waiting for that to be left over here or just lost.
I don't know why fiance even bothered to bring him back the ball, cost 20$ in gas, might as well just mail BM 20$ and say forget it.
Same thing with school....do you have hw? no. Sunday night with 1.5 hour back to mom drive, OMG I HAD A PROJECT?!!! Perfect. Just perfect. I think my fiance treats him too much like a buddy and EXPECTS him to be responsible when he totally inst capable of it.
Caly, does the team she plays on have a website for the league. ss12 has this, is has all the scheduling on it. That would be really helpful if they did because I couldnt keep it straight without it. Since BM and fiance have ZERO communication skills. Before the website: "what time is your game? I dunno, I have to call mom." Great. "Do you have a game today or is it just practice?" "Do you need your uniform washed?" i dunno i dunno i dunno! Blah!!!! Where is your glove?
Look to get a printed out schedule, they must have one. See of the coach is proactive about emails to parents. And I would really try getting a white board or something and get a checklist going. I'll report back tomorrow and let you know what ss12 left at our house on the way to his baseball game. Probably will be the underwear for the cup. Blech.