Dumb and Dumber-est
Clove here, and what Im about to type confounds me, to say the least.
Feral Forger (SD21 today) moved back in with Toxic Troll BM, Munchkin SD13, and new puppy 4 months, plus rabbit, to the 1 -bedroom.
Toxic Troll BM called DH yesterday, because she thinks Feral Forger has the flu and she wanted HIM to take FF to the local hospital for testing, to see if she has COVID-19. Because she has a side job cleaning she wanted to do for extra cash. WTF.
DH OF COURSE SAID NO. That it would be cross-contamination. And that besides the fact of cross-contamination, Feral Forger has nothing to do with him anyway. (never mind the ride to get drug tested for a job that she failed to get because she tested positive for something..)
Just, I cant even begin to get my mind around all this. Perhaps its starting to sink in the level of stupidity that DH bred with, and married. And stayed with over 15 years.
Perhaps its the realization that, simply because they bred 2 children, she will for the rest of his life be calling him asking him to do things for her. Because children. I was HOPING after adulthood was reached, that tie would lessen, but she keeps on calling and asking and wanting and demanding. Because they bred, she will always have a tie to him. And she cant move on, because, enmeshed. Plus no decent guy wants what she has.
With this also comes the realisation that Munchkin SD13 is lost to me, for now. She blames me because her father gave away his kitten. She texted me this yesterday. She was very polite, and so was I. But that was that, no response to me asking her to keep contact during this time. Previously we texted every day, and even facetimed..Locally our schools have extended the lockdown/distance learning to May 4th...so 2 more weeks and I think it will actually be extended through to the end of the school year...
This virus is testing relationships of all kinds. While DH and I are very strong, we are getting along extremely well, Munchkin has drifted away...
Sorry about Munchkin, Clove.
Sorry about Munchkin, Clove.
Your husband's enmeshment with TT after they divorced is the problem, and why she thinks she can continue to call on him for things. If not for the virus, would he have done her bidding?
Why did FF not contact her father, herself? Not that the answer should be anything but, "No." How stupid to take the chance on infecting her dad and another household.
Thank God, BM over here figured out that DH was completely serious when he told her that he would never talk to her again, once SD was an adult.
I think my SD28 blamed me for a lot of things when she was a teenager. I cared, once, not anymore.
These situations can bring out the best, the worst, and sometimes, the truth.
No he would not
Feral Forger DID etxt him a week ago, when this started gaining traction. She told him "I love you daddy".
Then she moved in with Toxic Troll, without saying anything to him about it.
I have told Dh that I want him to block Troll once munchkin is out of the 18 and still in high school loop.
He sais that he needs to keep her unblocked to keep tabs on Feral Forger and Munchkin, but I think he will come around once the 4 years and 3 months have passed...
Of course, SD's blame us - we are safe to hate. Cant hate or be upset with the parents...
Your DH needs to get better
Your DH needs to get better with his boundaries, no responding to stupid texts regarding his adult daughter. Once Munchkin ages out he can block TT and never have to deal with her again. Trust me it will be a beautiful day when Munchkin turns 18 and you will never have to think about TT again.
As for Munchkin you can only do some much when they are being fed the kool-aide daily. It sounds like she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she knows what kind of person her mom and sister are, and hopefully she will strive to break from that and be better. I know it's hard and it hurts your heart, but there is only so much you can do.
He told her "no"
ON two different levels! So it will be a good day with lots of toasts when Munchkin Turns 18 (holy grail of step life) and Graduates High School a few months after that.
Thanks for telling me that...I really needed to hear (read) that. Dh wasnt so sympathetic (shes not been keeping in contact with him either...)
I'm sorry, CLove. You're such
I'm sorry, CLove. You're such a kind, generous loving soul.
I hope that, once this is over and Munchkin is no longer with TT 24/7, that she is able to purge the poison and realize the reality of things. {{hugs}}
Thank you <<hugs back>>
I hope Munchkin is strong enought to resist the Toxic Sludge Programming.
I do wish her the best, and wanted to be there with her while shes going through all this, but she is choosing to grey rock me. And is blaming me for a decision her father made on his own. ITs so TEXTBOOK.
Think, Munchkin is playing you.?
She is getting the best of two worlds. You do things for her. Buy her things, take her all type of places. But when the chips are down. She is loyal to her BM. You are setting yourself up for a world of hurt. All that time, effort and money is just going down the drain.
It will all ways be BM 10 you 0.
Probably
Shes very smart like that. I mean, if you were shuttled between 2 homes, wouldnt anyone be like that?
shes not going to refuse what I offer, and I got some joy out of it too. So we both won. But, like you pointed out, when the chips are down, and things get tough, I know where she stands. I always told her that she didnt have to choose, she can love all of us, but I just think shes in this little world, with no clue how to deal with it and I think probably Im the safe one to blame for things - Im "safe to hate".
Her mother is crazy - she has admitted this to me, she is afraid of angering her father, always wants to please him.
Its basically like we are doing the "alienation visitiation", that I always read about. Now we are on lockdown through April 30th.
SO who knows how long she will continue to gray rock us...
Quit serving yourself on the
Quit serving yourself on the sacrificial alter if Sparental martyrdom to this manipulative self centered kid. And no, not every kid whose life is spit between two homes and families turns out to be a manipulative POS.
Quit making excuses for her crap and cut off the gravy train that you fund.
I needed that
The digital slap up side the head - Rags style.
I was good today.
typically I would text her, "hello and hey you should call your father, he sprained his ankle and could really use some kiddo time and attention", but sadly I refrained and just will let DH be his own communicator. A role he should have had all along. Its not my role anymore to be the communicator-bridger-keep the fire aliver.
Her birthday is at the end of May and she will probably not recieve anything from me this year (I typically take her out shopping, and had talked about paying for a re-do of her room) this year will be a card and maybe a gift card to target for $25. scaled down but still hopeful.
Sometimes we just need to do
Sometimes we just need to do what is necessary to protect out own emotional health. Yes, I said emotional health. Shocker I know.
And that certainly can mean letting ill behaved spawn learn that their choices have consequent results that they have to live with.
Take care of you.