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Don't want to eat with his kids anymore

caitlinj's picture

Meal time is gross. SS(9) eats compulsively and numerous amounts of helpings, is never full and eats with his mouth open and demands more and more. He also helps himself to other peoples food without asking. SD (5) is rude at the table, makes rude, mean remarks, tells people to shhh when the tv is on during dinner, throws tantrums, plays with and throws her food, and is generally disgusting with her food as well and has it everywhere. On top of that whatever we have for dinenr revolves around them and what they want (usually something bland, unappealing and full of carbs).  I've started to eat elsewhere by myself and enjoy it. I can have whatever food Im in the mood for and don't have to put up with their behaviors at the table. MY significant other does not like that I do this and wants to be a family (only on his terms though) Are they too old to be acting like this?

hereiam's picture

They are aboslutely too old to act like that but their father lets them.

As long as he continues to let them act like animals, carry on with having your dinner in peace.

JanRebecca's picture

I refuse to eat with SS8. He's rude, disgusting, chews with mouth open, food goes halfway across the table. And talks with food in mouth - food flying everywhere while he does so. Shoves his mouth so full he almost chosed despite being told not to do that allllll the freaking time!! Ugh - my four year old eats so much better than that. I eat in the bedroom when he's over. Sad

queensway's picture

He!! yes they are to old to act like this. You have a huge problem on your hands. Every child should be taught to have table manners. How and why are they getting away with this?

Aniki-Moderator's picture

It's been almost 3 years since I stopped eating with the skids because I couldn't stand their lack of table manners (and PigPen's whining).

If your SO does not like you being absent, then he needs to parent his children.

  • NO tv
  • NO chewing with mouth open (ew!!)
  • NO playing with food
  • Tantrums mean the meal is over and kid can go to bed
  • Meals revolve around nutritious foods that the ADULTS pick
  • Children should try at least one bite of a new food

Gads. Would your SO take his kids out to eat in PUBLIC??

Shani's picture

Same here... Table manners are very important to me and eating sounds are also grossing me out with adults. His SS11 and SD4 both are terrible eaters. Talking with an open mouth, chewing with an open mouth, very loud chewing and swallowing, eating with hands, the SD even spits her food on the plate if she doesnt like it... after eating the table  looks like a bomb exploded...

My BF is quite strict about it actually but the kids mother not at all, so everytime the kids come back from her we have to start all table education all over again.

I actually also try to avoid as much dinners with the kids ad possible, my BF knows it and accepts it as well

ndc's picture

Of course they're too old to act like that, and I wouldn't want to eat with them either!  My SO's kids are 3 and 5.  They occasionally chew with their mouths open or talk with their mouths full, but when corrected they stop.  They do not watch TV during meals.  They do not throw tantrums during meals (or they'd be removed from the table).  They don't play with their food.  They don't make mean comments.  Sometimes they get excited and will jump down and run off without being excused, but again, when corrected they come back.  There is no reason that kids who are 9 and 5 cannot behave properly at the dinner table.

Meals with SO's kids are still more chaotic than meals where it's just SO and me.  And when the kids are with us we do often eat different food than we do otherwise.  I try to make "adult" meals on days when the kids aren't around, so we will have chicken nuggets, mac and cheese, pizza, spaghetti and other things that are favorites of the kids when they're with us.  Not all the time, but not infrequently, either.  They got used to eating their favorites because it was stuff that was easy for SO to make - since they've been eating most of their meals at my house now, they're getting used to a greater variety of foods and we're finding "healthier" options that they like.  What they're eating is not a hill for me to die on - I'm happy if they behave and are well mannered while eating nuggets and pizza.  But if kids were making eating noises and rude comments and throwing and spitting food, there is no way on earth I'd be eating with them, and any parent with intact senses should be able to figure out why.

AlwaysSmiling's picture

Each step parent has to find their own ways to disengage. You are taking what was once a stressful situation and removed yourself from it. I think you found an absolute awesome way to disengage. 

For me personally, I usually cook. So when SD7 is over visiting, she would complain about food and my SO would eventually take her to eat elsewhere (usually Taco Bell). while me and my son were left at home eating the large meal that I cooked for the family.  This drove me insane! 

I tried lots of different things, but nothing helped until I gave up. This is the method that works for us now: 
I am in charge of family meals on regular days, and he washes dishes.
He is in charge of family meals on days that SD is over, and I wash dishes.

This works out great for me, bc I love to cook. And on the days that he is in charge, if he decides to get fast food (for whatever reason), I don't even have to wash dishes!

Fishoutofwater's picture

I feel your pain. My 2 SS are the same. Except they are 13 and 15. Eating out is embarrassing. They start launching food off their forks or spoons. DH gets  upset but won’t say anything because he thinks they’re too emotionally fragile. I have reached the point of doing my own thing or staying home when they go out. My own bio kids are adults but I never would have expected other people to put up with that kind of behavior while they are out trying to enjoy dinner.  I have tried to ask them to stop but SS13 makes it a point to never do anything I ask him to do. 

And they want to go on vacation with us for 2 weeks this summer...hell no!!

thinkthrice's picture

After we went out to a local "kid friendly" (shudder) diner/ice cream chain for YSS's 6th birthday.   The older two were just as bad.  Shrieking and screaming at the table,  ducking under the table, trying to stand on the table, looking at other patrons by turning around,  sticking straws up their nose,  hanging off the railing and blocking all the other wait staff and patrons, trying to order from the grown-ups menu then not eating anything, wasting lots of food, chewing with mouth full and spewing chunks of food, inability to go to the bathroom without daaaadddeeeeee, grabbing the menu away from me, throwing food, belching contests.

Chef saw no issue with this; mean while other patrons were giving me hate stares as though I was the mother.  My only saving grace was the skids look nothing like me.  I would often silently mouth "they're not mine."  I would get a knowing, sympathetic look many times as I am sure there were many a Disney dad visiting Applebee's and other chains with feral children.

As a child myself we were taught to sit in a proper restaurant quietly, use the correct utensils, napkins, etc. Keep our voices down, behave and never order off the adults menu.  Chef is not much better he was raised as a feral child to elderly parents who were too pooped to give a damn.   Chef eats like a wood chipper.

Saint_Gus's picture

Can't blame you. You SO needs to step up. Why is the tv on during dinner? With so many people having crazy hectic schedules, finding tome to eat together is a blessing. There shouldn't be any competition from the tv. As far as multiple helpings? Make less dinner and put an acceptable amount on the plate and don't leavevthe rest out or accessible. And throwing food? Definitely should be addressed swiftly and seriously.

Just some ideas. I feel like a huge overhaul would make it more bearable for you. You shouldn't have to banish yourself to enjoy dinner. Your SO should crack down on this stuff. Or send them to finishing school, lol. I couldn't imagine dinner time being chaotic like that. That would stress me out big-time. 

KittyKatMomma's picture

When I moved in with DH-DD14 was just a little thing-and every meal was her and I at the table.

 

Where's DH and his kids? In the bedroom/playroom/lving room sprawled on beds and the floor eating like total slobs.

Then he'd get mad when I refused to eat when they ate. I made sure DD used her napkin and proper manners even if it was just a slice of pizza and some chips. His kids reminded me of pigs at the trough. Including finger licking-plate slurping gag me p[ease.

The kids are now 17/14 and 11 (14yr old is mine) her and I still eat every meal at the table and his kids are still nasty pigs and he still gets mad when I refuse to LOUNGE in our bed eating.

 

And now the kids get pissy with me because instead of bringing their dishes down to the kitchen-they're left in the bedrooms-which I refuse to touch. If that means they sleep with the smells of greasy ass food-so be it. My name is Kat. Not Maid.

 

Sorry darling-your nasty barnyard style of eating disgusts me and ruins my appetite.

NakedBee00's picture

Ours eats with his mouth open, wipes his hands on the couch, eats most things with his hands and spills "something" almost every meal