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Does your BIO act out after Skids visit?'s picture

Just wondering how common this is- My BIO has increased behaviors when she either knows SD16 is coming (then she cancels-we still notice changes in bio's behavior) AND when SD16 does visit my BIO acts out for DAYS......

Has anyone noticed changes or dealt with this before? We are working in therapy with my bio to decrease the anxiety she has around SD16 so I'm not left picking up the pieces every time SD16 makes an appearance. She's been coming around once or twice a week so it seems like everytime my bio gets back on track we are starting the cycle all over again Sad

OF COURSE FDH thinks it's just an excuse for her to be naughty because "SD16 isn't even that mean to her " Sad UGH!!!!

Anon2009's picture

I think you need to evaluate whether you want to stay in this relationship or not. Fdh has shown that he won't stop contact with sd. Fine, she's his kid. But he won't do you/your bd the favor of seeing her elsewhere. You can and should do what you can to prevent your child being mistreated.

What does your daughter's therapist say about this?

Ftr, I don't have bios but if this was happening in my life, I'd be requesting marriage counseling with my dh.'s picture

We are in therapy. Him and I, my bio and family therapy. He's not going to stop contact with her- this I already know. My bio had an unrealistic idea also fed by FDH that they are sisters or will be. SD16 wants nothing to do with my bio. My therapist says to be honest with her and let her know that SD16 is making the choice to not be her "friend" and that SD16's choice to make. WE are working on not letting what SD16 does affect my bio so much.
My Bio is so caught up in the whole "SD16 gets to drink pop and I don't, SD16 gets to do this and I don't" ETC so it is also my Bio doing a lot of competing and comparing.

My daughters therapist is working on helping my Bio recognize her part in these interactions and how to make them better. SD16 and my Bio are jealous of each other so it's always a battle and competition for attention.

SD16 won't be around for weeks- then she will start coming around 2x a week then stop, There is no consistency which would help the situation but FDH and BM let SD16 make her own rules so...thats a losing battle as well.

I WANT to be with FDH, I want to make it work. SD16 is in and out so much I'm not going to base the fate of my relationship on her.. I'm trying to stick though this and make it work. Some days I'm willing to fight and some days I feel like giving up :/

Willow2010's picture

How old is your bio?

My kids did not act out when SS was visiting DH. Because I would not marry DH until SS was much older. Was not going to have my bios exposed to SS on a regular basis.,'s picture

She will be 10 in Jan. She is immature for her age as well. My bio is jealous of her and theres a lot of tension when sd16 is around that everyone picks up on. My bio wants SD16 to be her sister and SD16 wants nothing to do with her's picture

This is exactly why I don't leave my bio alone with them. I make sure SD16 and my bio are never alone. Within the last 6 months of me being out of ear shot but in the home (ie cooking or switching laundry) SD16 has called my daughter a pervert and a "somalian" (which she is not but used it in a derogatory way) both of which she didn't tell me until after SD16 left. Then FDH did a phone call which she said she was "just joking" FDH did tell her that is inappropriate and she is not allowed to talk to my bio that way etc. but it was dropped.

My bio remembers all of these instances and doesn't let it go. It's just a vicious cycle. FDh "forgets" everything SD16 ever does and my bio brings up everything every time....

TASHA1983's picture

My BS9 is not a fan of SS12, and according to bm skid doesn't like my son either (oh well, no loss there). When they were around eachother skid was basically a whiney cry baby acting like my kid was always the issue whether it was a video game or whatever he would whine and complain about something regarding my bio, he was basically a jerk to my son.
My son is very passive and quiet doesn't really stand up for himself etc. not to say that he is an angel either b/c he isn't but seriously the majority of the time it is skid bs, so now that dh and I are married I gave my son the option that if he doesn't want to be around when skid comes over he can stay with my parents for that time. I refuse to have my son feel like shit or be treated as such so the best way for all involved imho was to make sure my son had a place to go to get away if he needed and wanted it.
My dh doesn't put up with skids shit either and puts him in check but skid is who he is unfortuantely no matter what we say or do about it. Sad