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does this frustrate you?

startingover2010's picture

ok, so youre upset with someone and want to tell them, but you know they dont care, they arent sorry, and dont plan to make things better. so, you dont even waste your breath as u did for a long time. but, where can you go to unwind? to unleash?

i loved this site when i found it because even though i would try and 'talk' to sd11 about how i felt, i knew she didnt care, so i needed to get my frustrations out somewhere. i found ST and thought i had an outage. i said things on here i would never say to sd11 to her face.

this site is great and i wnat to thank the admin for creating it.

as of right now, sd11 and i are not speaking. and i have let bf handle everything that has to do with her. i feel so much lighter! i want to say thank you for everyone of you who gave me advice. i may not have taken it at first but i appreciate it!

i feel so good about things now. maybe im on a high or something but disengaging from sd11 has let me give bd3 110% of my time and attention--and we are BOTH thriving from that.

as far as me and bf go, well we are civil. im beginning to fall out of love and i think he is too. but, we are tryign to work things out, whether i stay or go ect. what is best for everyone (including sd11--who i am still adamant she is the cause--sorry.)

so anyways i still need you guys and wanted to say thank you SO much. i know i got on some nerves. you all rock!

livinthedream's picture

When I am frustrated with most of the craziness that us SM's endure....I go for a nice walk & have a talk with GOD

vgill's picture

I love this site!!!! I agree this place is great, Sometimes you just need to blow off alittle steam, and here is a safe place to do it with no little ears around!!! and no DH feelings to hurt, just a supportive community of people who happen to be in a similar situation, and can offer great advice and sometimes just a yeh! I know how you feel!! This is my guilty pleasure to log on every day and just be with someone who isn't attacking me and understands me!!

Also I have gotten some great advice when It comes to my SS's and how to deal with them and their bad behavior, so I now have more time to spend with my Bkids, and they are beginning to thrive again, just like a flower who has not had enough sunlight they are now in the window and are in full bloom, and are much happier!!!

Stick's picture

I'm sorry to hear EBSM that you feel like you and your bf are falling out of love.... but I can also understand as you two haven't seemed to have been on the same page for a long time.

So it sounds like you are now biding your time... not making waves... and just treading water until you can get out. Is that a fair statement?

If that's the case, and it were me, I'd throw myself into my books / school... my daughter... and my plan to get out. Just working on those things alone will hopefully alleviate your irritation toward BF and SD. They won't be in your life much longer, so why let them irritate you? And when they do things that bug ya... I would just try to keep that info in the front of your mind. Like... go ahead... do this... I won't be around in 6 months so whatever.. have at it!!

*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***

Angel72's picture

You say your sd 11 is the cause. I agree BUt i would also blame your bf because he lets her be the cause. My sd would stir up alot of shit at the beginnning 10 years ago, but my dh put her in her place and has kept donig that. And she still tries after so many years. She's almost 15 now and just keeps trying to make him choose between me and her. He picks me. Not because he doesn't love her or he loves me more. Because i am his wife. We have a family togehter that Sd doesn't want to be a part of. ( mostly the fault of bm) But my dh has clearly told his daughter she takes full responsibility for her actions and its all her fault if she decides not to come or join.
Your Bf has to realize its not about choosing. He is the adult. He is in control , not a child.
Now if you are both falling out of love, and he is not willing ot save the realationship withyou, i'm sorry to hear if it goes that way. We all do waht is best for ourselves and our children.
BD3 , is she yours from a previous marriage or is she your bf together?

StepChicka's picture

I have to agree with Angel72 on this one. EBSM, its your BF that caused the issues you're having with SD11 and the demise of your relationship with him. I believe you've lost respect for him as a father and a partner and rightly so. You can't love someone you can't respect.

I'm glad you've been able to release yourself from the stressful situation you're in. It sounds like you're feeling better about yourself too. Kudos to you sista ! Smile

startingover2010's picture

i agree as well. she is the product of her parents' issues. but i also blame sd11 because she knows what she is doing.

bd3 is mine and bf's together.

backing off has been a great releif for me. of course, bf isnt happy with it, as i have refused to babysit her on several occassions this past week. he finds it wrong for me to not want to be around her alone. i simply tell him that my sanity means more to em than him being able to work on his truck at a friends house.

yes, stick, i am just treading waters until its time to leave.

sd11 had a friend sleep over last night and both girls went into my file cabinet and proceeded to use my craft items while i was at a friends and bf had fallen asleep. sd11 has no remorse. she also told my bf that i have so much craft stuff how could i know anything is missing? she said that she 'needs' craft things and thats why she took them. funny, cause her therapist said (right infront of sd) that sd is stealing cause she needs things. excuses excuses.

StepChicka's picture

Oh yes! SD11 knows what she's doing that's for sure. But BF is allowing it. If he didn't she wouldn't be such a handful.

Kudos to you for not babysitting SD11. If BF wants you to be a parent to his kid then your voice needs to be reckoned with. I wouldn't lift one finger for SD11 until he understands that you two are equal authority figures in the girls life, therefore, must maintain a united front towards her. You at anytime can decide not to have anything to do with raising her at all. And if you're thinking of splitting from BF this would be a wise decision.

Continue letting your actions do the talking and he will listen.

Richberg's picture

kids are a product of their environment , if the adults in their life are not on the same page and/ or the kids are between divorced parents and the kids now have 2 new people in their lives because their parents now have new relationships , it makes it more & more complicated all around ... Its important for us to realize who we are as individuals and what we bring to the table of any relationship which involves other people besides the one we are trying to have a relationship with , Mainly kids . . We hope to get involved with someone and hope that kids will except us , when the adults getting involved together are not on the same page from the start and threw out the relationship it creates conflict during and thru-out the relationship and we then find frustration and look for the blame about what is or isn't going on ..
As a person myself who is involved with a women who has 2 girls 11 & 15 - I too feel at times what your feeling about the kids that are Not mine , I wish I did things different between the two of us and how we went about our Moving in the way we did .. Its defiantly a tuff situation for all parties who try to make these arranged / prearranged live in's with already made Families ..