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Does anything ever hurt?

LS's picture

Hi everyone! I'm new here. Married to DH 5 years, together 8. Things between us are as good as ever, but unfortunately, the same can't be said for the relationship we have with his kids, the skids or his family.

When we met, I had twin daughters (5) and he had three kids (9, 8 and 7) with his ex. The kids all got along in the beginning, liked that we were a family and adjusted very well. His family embraced my girls and they called his parents grandma and grandpa and were treated the same as my skids. This stayed the same for the first few months of our marriage and then things changed almost overnight.

The skids started acting out, hated me, hated my girls, hated their dad, no longer wanted to come. And my in-laws acted as though my girls didn't exist. One of my girls called her grandma to wish her a happy birthday and she asked to speak to her real grandkids. Broke her and her sisters hearts. The skids didn't want to wish her a happy birthday, so she hung up the phone.

BM is part of the issue with skids. As they got older, they sided with her. We think she's gotten to his family, too, but we have no proof.

What hurts me is my son. We have a son together who's 4 now and he has never met his grandparents. He only hears about them through the skids and has started asking about them. DH and I try to speak to him about it, but we don't want to tell him too much for his age either.

Has anyone else had anything break their heart in a blended family situation?

SweetMom's picture

What it boils down to is that that grandmother doesn't like you or your kids. Teach your son The truth. Tell the other kids that that grandparent doesn't run in the family circle so ya'll don't need to speak her name. Yes it hurts because your h loves his mother but his mother has issues. The good ole saying " fk her!"

LS's picture

It's not just her, which is unfortunate. The skids will mention their dads family and love doing it in front of my girls. Not so much our son, but that could still happen. :/

notasm3's picture

Write off his mother and BM. Neither sound worth 5 minutes of you thought process.

Sounds like his kids are still minors so your DH is still responsible for seeing them. But that does not mean that they get to treat the 5 year old like shit. You can limit his exposure to them if they are truly toxic rather than just clueless.

As the skids age out you and the 5 year old do not ever have to see them again if they are going to be adult assholes. I know many, many adult half siblings that have no relationship because they are just too different. It happens.

LS's picture

Both his parents and BM have very little contact with us now. Apart from the times his family come and try to see the skids to spoil them in front of the younger ones, but that hasn't happened lately. Thank God.

They are minors and they still come here, but they do not like my girls and ignore our son. It's not fun. Sad

It's sad, but I see that happening with us. I think DH might stop hearing from them, too, which I know will hurt him.

SweetMom's picture

he'll get over it if they stop coming. Think about your own kids right now. The other kids have another home, a safe haven they can go too. All your kids have is your home so make it as safe as you can and that means emotionally sound.

LS's picture

Thank you! It wouldn't have hurt if she had always kept my girls at a distance, but the way she did it was heartbreaking for me and still is.

OMG. I'm so sorry he did that to you. I can't even begin to imagine what a slap in the face that was. :O