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Does anyone NOT have a good relationship with their SKIDS??

Harvard's picture

As I read the many posts about step parents who like their skids I can't help but wonder how many blended families are out their that do not care much fo reach others skids. I have one of theose belended families and would like to hear your thoughts on this topic.

Smonster's picture

That would be me. I can't come up with a good reason why. Maybe because mine are adults now and I'm on to grandchildren. I'm older thought I was done and to start the teenage crap all over again, sickens me, literally. I thought since they had a Mom and Dad I wouldn't have too much responsibility. Wrong. BM is such a loser, and when ss comes in and says "did SHE cook" the hair on the back of my neck stands up - I'm not allowed to discipline and I don't want to really. I just want them to go away, which they never ever will, I know.

Harvard's picture

so far you are the only person who has replied to my question. Does anyone else want to weigh in on my post???

Endora's picture

In our situation-we got "surprise" full custody of a teen and as above, I too thought I was done with the teenage crap (after raising two Charlies (out of two and a half men!). DH's teen, Zippy-is a "different" teen-he is odd to say the least as he lived week on week off between two dysfunctional households since he was born-so NO concept of traditional family life and thinks he is an equal household member without having to contribute in any way.

I am sure Zippy dislikes the fact that I have brought rules, boundaries and limitations to his life and into the relationship between him and I-DH on the other hand his "style" (if you can call it that) is MAYBE yelling or lecturing but no consequences for poor behaviour.

I COULD like Zippy-but the way he has been raised and continues to be raised is the barrier between our relationship.

Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!

ReadySetNot's picture

Hey,
I have a soon to be step-son and things will go fine for a while and then when he comes over he wants nothing to do with me its really frusturating and I try to do what I can for this child. I have a busy work sched and I work evenings but when I can I take some time off and go to his school functions and his Dad can't go to all of them because he works out on a boat and is gone for 5 to 6 days of the week. I might as well be invisible when I go to these school functions, but I keep hoping that someday deep down inside me it might just make a difference to this child. Maybe not Maybe so. I do try though.

Amazed's picture

I think ours is a case of Dh loves my son but doesn't really "like" him. I don't like or love sd11. She has her good qualities but there's something about her I simply can't embrace just yet...

It's not all peaches and cream.

~Always forgive your enemies...nothing annoys them so much~ Oscar Wilde

Harvard's picture

my blended family consists of my BD 15 BS 16 and SD 19 who is away at college. I have full custody of my 2 kids which could play a big part in the disfunctional blended family along with blaming and comparing each others kids for 3 years. we have gotten to the point where my kids step mom won't look their way so they won't look her way. Well, I can tell you this feels like shit cause you can cut this feeling with a dull ass knife in the house. neither step parent is mean to the step kids, it is just damn uncomfortable. More thoughts are appreciated here to help me sort outmy feelings on this topic...??

happy's picture

I have two stepkids, 18 and 24 been in there lives for 6 years. I also have two kids that are mine, 13 and 10. I have had many battles with my stepkids/husband over the years, and until recently his kids were allowed to treat me any way they wanted, call me things that just are unacceptable.. It took me a long time to get fed up with how things were. And I can tell you there were many times I just couldn't look at his kids.. I am not sure how it is in your family with your kids and your wife, or what has happended to make it that way.
In mine though the many years of the disrespect and the many years of my husband not hearing me instead defending there actions that made me resent his kids. My husband and I almost divorced over all this and since have made a huge effort to make our marriage #1, and work on our relationship, communications, and let the kids know that no more will be tolerated. His daughter has since moved out, due to she had to since she didn't want to live by any rules set forth. She called 3 weeks after moving wanting to come home, she was told no, and since all this things with my family are improving. Now that is not to say with all families it will. just with mine it has. I love my stepkids, bonus kids, whatever you would like to call them, I really do, I am always there no matter what when they call and need me.. But in order for the relationship with them to get better I know for one my husband and I had to fix ours.
Don't know that any of that helped ya.

Happy
"live life to its fullest everyday"

Harvard's picture

I understand how a husband can be defensive and want to protect his kids. I have been there too. You however love your step kids. My wife would be fine if my kids suddenly vanished into thin air.
My daughter used to tell my wife parts of a story when they did talk and leave out other truths to the story when it came to boys. Her step sister before she left to college told my wife the REAL story which really is what destroyed what little relationship my wife and daughter had.

I don't undertand why my wife cannot get past this but I am not a woman to understand.
Any more thoughts???

happy's picture

Hav eyou came out and asked your wife this stuff? cause there is obviously more to the story, as well all know there is.
Um as a woman she may feel left out? or ignored? I cannot say for sure.
Do your kids like your wife? If not find out why? Usually they don't like the other cause well its not there mom or whatever? you know ... so you be the judge..
And your spouse and you are suppose to be best friends, communication at all times, I'd say go talk to her, let her know how you feel try to find out why she is this way with your kids. All of that.. I would.. I know it took me almost 6 years of saying little things to my husband to finally almost walk over stuff, and our marriage is better then it ever has been, we talk probably more then we had in those first 5 years, I let him know when things bother me, I am not affraid anymore. His kids have learned that dad isn't letting them be mean anymore, to me, to him none of us.. Not tolerated.
I will say this, my husband said to me the other night that as a stepfather he has the best stepkids, my kids don't give him any trouble and really me neither. And I can only attribute that to I have never ever put up with crap from my kids, ever and I won't either. SO there is hope out there not all blended families are horrible..

Happy
"live life to its fullest everyday"

happy's picture

Was that take the not out of all blended families are not horrible?
Mine isn't perfect by far, we have had issues all along.. Still do, just finally got husbands support so things are easier to deal with...
I do agree when you coddle the kids because of guilt it ruins them. If you pick your self up dust off and move on with life and just be there for them, to talk, listen and let them know that no matter what they are loved, I think they adjust way better and faster.. JMO

Happy
"live life to its fullest everyday"