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Does anyone enjoy cuddling with their step kids?

relationshipguru's picture

Or sleeping in bed with them? I find it a little odd when step parents enjoy doing this. It comes off as slightly creepy. Maybe I'm the odd one out because I personally never wanted to do it? I wouldn't mind giving them a hug, pat on the back etc. but when it came to cuddling with them while in bed or watching movies I would do it for a few minutes but eventually found it to be a little odd/creepy. Am I weird? BM's new  hubby seems to love cuddling with the skids so much she is constantly posting about it on Facebook and posts photos of it. Weird or just me?

enjoyyourdowngrade's picture

Definitely weird and gives off pedo vibes. He sounds creepy. BM definitely should not be posting about this on social media.

strugglingSM's picture

Nope! When I met DH, SSs were 9 and they would sleep in bed with him when it was his weekend. I told him that if he wanted me to share a bed with him, they would not be in it, even when I was not there. He quickly moved them to their own bed. Once we were living together and kids were staying at our place, I made our bedroom off limits. If he wanted to snuggle with them, he could go into their rooms. 

usedtobeamajor's picture

I never think it's appropriate for a child to sleep or cuddle with an unrelated adult. It is creepy and inappropriate.

Little savages's picture

Not at all ever felt comfortable cuddling/touching skids except saying goodnight or if they are tearful or injured. I'm a SM so maybe cuddling is in the normal range. My late husband was SF to my daughter from age 10 and was v careful about not cuddling/touching her, out of respect for her boundaries. They were otherwise extremely close. The co-sleeping is gross though. 

Seriously7's picture

I agree on the cosleeping. I don't understand it and it does feel gross to me. I'm really big on personal space (for those other than your significant other) and boundaries. I think too that the bedroom is such an intimate place between a couple it's really weird to me that you would want your kid to share that space.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

I never thought about it until one night i was staying at my SO's house. He had his 9-year-old son in bed with him and both were in their underwear. He pats the bed between them and was like "jump on in!" I tried it for a minute but it just didn't feel right. I was like "forgot something at home, gotta go back!"  I think my SO was genuinely upset and felt like i had rejected his kid. It just felt inappropriate to me. He couldn't fathom why i wasn't as excited about the cuddling as he was. Soon after that was when the kid walked in on me in the bathroom right after sex when I didn't have any clothes on. I laid down some major bedroom boundaries after that. Kids or me in the master bedroom. 

Mominit's picture

Me.  Never gave it a second thought.  But it was something that DH agreed with.  When my bios were young and had a nightmare (3 years and younger) they'd crawl in bed with me. My youngest suffered from night terrors.  Not nightmares, doesn't hold a candle to it.  Eventually they grew up and didn't need to.  But then as they grew up they learned to read, or they'd be tired and sitting on the couch watching tv with me and I'd play with their hair or give them a cuddle.

When DH and I married the SKs were under 4 years old.  When an 18 month old toddler showed up at my bedside half asleep in the morning I didn't have the slightest hesitation to scoop her up and plunk her between us for cuddles and whispers.  It turned into a Saturday morning "big bed" tradition.  As the kids woke up they'd come in for snuggles and whispers until eventually we all got up for breakfast.

Same thing with reading.  My SS would sit beside me on the couch and then point to something on a page and then get excited, and next thing I know he's in my lap and we're reading together.  Sigh...I miss those days.  One of my favourite stories is when one of my SKs had a horrible day and I was sitting in a lounger, and SK came and plunked down on my 16!!  LOL...the kids are taller than me.  But it was a horrible day and SK needed "Mom".  So we chatted and hugged and the day got better.

It's odd, I know.  But I'm luck enough that all the kids are "ours".  Steps/bios alike we were lucky enough to truly blend.  I guess it's the same for adoptive parents.  The biological part of it doesn't always count for more.

So yes.  I cuddled all of my kids.

Cover1W's picture

NOPE. Never.  When SDs were 7 & 9 sometimes they'd snuggle a little if we watched a movie or show (rare). But that was it. Don't like it.

GoingWicked's picture

I met my SD as a toddler, and I was her primary caregiver until she was elementary age.  So of course I would cuddle her, up until 5ish she would come in after her dad left for work and snooze next to me and ODS, who was nursing.  I don't think it's creepy, kids need affection and hugs.  Once they hit  the tween years and puberty though... something is wrong if your kid isn't showing some independence.

advice.only2's picture

I think it would depend on the relationship between the step and the skid. For me Spawn would come lay in bed with me and my kids and watch a movie, I never minded because she was part of the family, but I didn't cuddle her.

Elite2020's picture

You are not weird at all. I make it a habit of not getting into Skids personal space. I don't even like them in my bedroom. 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

No. It never felt right, and I assumed it was an atavistic response similar to that of other female mammals who often reject offspring that isn't theirs.

I think these days there's a lot of single parents making poor choices regarding the people they allow around their children.

Swim_Mom's picture

I don't touch them. Love the Tide Pod comment. So true.

Dc3sc2's picture

My bios live here full time they will often want to hug/sit next to my dh while watching a film etc but they initiate all contact they don't get in bed with any of us though. My sd12 will hug me and sometimes want to rest her head on me and I will stroke her hair and it does feel weird kind of forced on my part but won't reject her but all contact is initiated by the kids. My sd9 keeps well away (thankfully) With bios I am a lot more affectionate but I am in general with family. Friends however can keep their hands off me lol. Think it depends on how close emotionally people are to their skids as to whether it's weird. If it feels weird then your not close enough for that type of relationship. I see nothing wrong with either side as long as the kids and parents are comfortable with the contact. 

shamds's picture

They’re asians and all come from a culture of kissing on the cheeks and hugging amongst the women... 

so far they never did that and simply shook my hand. If they evet tried to hug me i would shoo them away!! We aren’t that close or have that kind of a relationship 

daphne_40x's picture

But I did like snuggling with the skids in the winter on the couch playing video games or watching disney movies when they were younger.  I don't have kids of my own so it was nice to bond with them.

hilq's picture

The same thing and I can't see anything wierd here. But there's a fine line and you cannot violate the personal space of children, of all people in general.

nappisan's picture

I think it totally depends on the relationship,, i know a man who has raised his SD from the age of 2,, she is now 17 and wouldnt even know they arent related,they have a wonderful relationship.  However for me ,,, my ex-SS12 , i hated having contact with him,, i would even cringe giving him a quick hug for his birthday.  I would often walk into my bedroom and find him in my bed on his ipad or watching TV,, i HATED this! i put a stop to that very quickly.  I dont think its right,,, thats where adults share intimate time etc kids have their own beds 

Ispofacto's picture

Her therapist thought it would be good for her.  I tried, she smelled like sour milk.


Lndsy747's picture

NOPE but I'm not a touchy feely person in general. SD never tried cuddling with me and I didn't even care to hug her. The idea of her in our bed always grossed me out and it became off limits unless she was invited which was very rare. 

Rags's picture

My DW and I met and started dating when my SS-28 was 15mos old.  We married the week before he turned 2yo.  I have always been his dad.  Snuggles were the norm from the very beginning.  It adjusted naturally as he grew up.  Now we give each other a big bear hug when we see each other, we hug at bed time and he will upon occasion sit between his mom and I on the sofa and get a back scratch or just to be close to one or both of us.

I'm 56.  I still do the same with my own parents.  

I never recall my GPs being affectionate or tender with my parents but affection is not something that has ever been rare with my parents or in my family.