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Do you believe the happiness portrayed on social media is genuine?

relationshipguru's picture

For example I was with someone for years whose kids were not awful, but very entitled and disrespectful at times. This person was also extremely moody, manipulative, hid things from me and at times was emotionally and verbally abusive. I also began to feel the relationship was very one sided and I was being used finanically in order to support him and his kids. Long story short I left him and only months later he is remarried and suddenly super happy in his marriage and always bragging about it on social media frequently. What is the likelihood that all of this is genuine and he went from being a self centered, manipulative, emotional abuser to a perfect husband in a number of months? To add the woman he married literally had nothing to lose by marrying him, or so she believes? So she married him immediately but was literally leaving nothing behind.  What are the chances that he did a 180 in a number of months and is suddenly a selfless, financially responsible, caring, loving, attentive husband with two great kids?

Wildchildhaz1's picture

What are the chances that he has changed in a number of months and what is being portrayed on social media is genuine? Slim to none. He married a doormat. Most likely she is as desperate as he is. My guess is she doesn't have much going for her and she is willing to accept the mistreatment. Either that or she has not been with him long enough yet. In time he will turn into an abusive jerk towards her too. 

caninelover's picture

Its a manifestation of how most people WANT to be seen by others.  Take it all with a grain of salt.

tog redux's picture

You do realize that he tells everyone that he has always been a selfless, financially responsible, caring, loving and attentive husband and that YOU were the problem, right? In other words, no, he hasn't changed a bit, he's just putting on a smoke and mirrors show, like he probably always does.

Plus, people who post a lot on Facebook aren't going to put the negative facets of their life on there.

Block him, stop looking at his social media, and move on.  I guarantee this new wife, who got married impulsively thinking she captured one of the good ones, is in for a world of hurt. 

Stepdrama2020's picture

He probably love bombed her until he doesnt feel the need to. This guy sounds like my ex and that is what he did.

Social media is advertisement for yourself. Sadly it doesnt have disclaimers like drug commercials LOL I can only imagine what it would say. Risks are: Narcissist, abuser, dysfunctional, toxic, and may lead to liver disease due to alcohol consumption needed to be with this man. LOL 

Stepdrama2020's picture

I think you would make a better President.  I may offend some non binary transgendered Karens who are in transition. I wouldnt know how to properly title them Ms Miss Mr or ? You on the other hand have first hand Bratty experience. Canine for the win!

caninelover's picture

You crack me up lady (if that is the politically correct way to address you?)

crystaloo's picture

Abusers don't change, at least not that quickly and without years of counselling. Neither do people with bad financial habits and poor parenting skills. My ex married someone immediately after I left him. She was pretty homley looking but he used her for her unemployment checks then discarded her for someone else years later. Poor woman. However she was kind of a jerk to me when they first got together and got off by showing off so karma I guess? Years later after he left her she tried to get ahold of me but I never got back to her. Then he tried to get back in touch with me and same thing. I never got back to him. I want nothing to do with him nor his messes. Now i am happily married to a neuroscience physician who treats me well. Life has come full circle. Life's lessons learned.

advice.only2's picture

The odds are none, they married after a few months that right there is your answer. What do you even know about a person after a few months?

crystaloo's picture

Nothing. You only know what they are presenting to you. Give it a few years of living together and it will go south.

Jojo4124's picture

Of abusers stop abusing according to expert Lundy Bancroft in his book Why Does He Do That...because abusers enjoy the benefits of abuse. 

Even if he isn't 'diagnosed ' he sounds like a narcissist. Ppl with these tendencies act according to the same play book. Look up characteristics of a narc. Not that you need a dx, abuse is abuse. But this sounds like a narc.

He wants the world to see that the relationship fail was ALL your fault...that he is Mr. Perfect. He is counting on you looking at his stuff so he can hurt you n make you doubt yourself.

Best to block n not check his stuff out for your healing process.

Give it time. His mask will slip n his new "supply" woman WILL be treated just as you were.

Seriously7's picture

I think a lot of social media is fake. And I kind of think the more people post about being happy, in love, etc. the more  insecure they're feeling. That is super fast to get married. Try not to think about it and just live your best life. Find yourself a good man with as little baggage as possible (I say that because no one is perfect.) Or....just be single. Do what's best for you amd what makes you happy.

futurobrillante99's picture

There are people walking this earth who LIVE to use and mistreat others and there are, surprisingly, other people who have a high tolerance for being used and mistreated.

Thankfully, many of us are not the latter.

My XH2 found a spinster woman, older than himself, not hideous, but not terribly attractive, with a good job. My nickname for her is "The retirement account" because he's pilfered his enough that he'll need to either die young or find a woman to sponge off of. I know a bit about her because XH2's #1 flying monkey friend was trying to match this woman up to one of his loser brothers while I was married to XH2. No surprise that she delivered this ripe victim to my XH2 not long after I left him. It also helps that this new victim is a lush; she loves her booze. Booze, weed and other drugs can make it a LOT easier to tolerate crap treatment = fact.

Some people are perfectly suited to a user/usee relationship. They may seem "happy" but I can assure they are both miserable to the core but NEED to seem happy to the world.

Rags's picture

Leopards can't and don't change their spots.

Give it time.  He will resume his usual behaviors.  Whether or not his new wife will come to the same conclusion that you came to.... may or may not happen.

Either way, who cares?  No longer your problem.

BPDHell's picture

The answer is ZERO chances he's changed and the quick marriage is the clue. Abusers, narcissists, and disordered people move quickly in romantic relationships to snag the unaware. In the book by Patricia Evans, The Verbally Abusive Relationship, she talks about how to spot and avoid these people and the number one way is to avoid any type of committment in a romantic relationship for at least a year, because they can't keep up the facade forever. It will generally slip and you'll start seeing their true nature within that year time frame. Someone pushing for too much intimacy, too quickly is a sure sign you're dealing with someone who has some kind of issue you probably don't want to get involved with!lol You dodged a bullet, be grateful!

FYI, social media is a narcissist's crack. It's the perfect venue to allow them to be the person they want the world to believe they are and make the world gaze with awe at the amazing life they portray, which is a facade - it's not real. There was another thread on StepTalk that was discussing the increase of narcissism in US society, which experts agree is a thing, and I firmly believe the rise of social media has played a part in this mental health plague.

Gimlet's picture

Real change is a long, painful, messy process and that is when the person WANTS to change.  I'm talking years, not months.

There is zero chance that there has been any real change for this person.  Zero.

Zenmode's picture

Facebook.....same same. 

MissK03's picture

I'll keep this short and simple.. No. He didn't change, Facebook isn't real life. Especially ones that constantly post. I know a few people in real life and what the display on social media.. it doesn't match up to say the least. 

Sandybeaches's picture

" What are the chances that he did a 180 in a number of months and is suddenly a selfless, financially responsible, caring, loving, attentive husband with two great kids? "

What are the chances? slim to none!!  Just from my own experience I can tell you what is posted on Facebook is very often not real and not a true portrayal of someone's life.  Often people post the image that they you want you to believe is true when it is likely far from the truth.  I think you have stumbled upon one of those times.  You are  believing exactly what he was trying to get you to believe with what he posted. Forget it and him !!

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

I was in a 3 year relationship at 25. I am 45 now btw. I paid off all this mans credit card debt and it's debt and am ex

girlfriend. He lived off me for three years without a job saying the border patrol was going to call him any day. I paid off that last card and they did call but he didn't take me. He took some girl he was cheating on me with. He married pretty quick the girl after that one after always telling me he just never wanted to marry anyone. At the time I thought if only I was thinner richer and prettier and younger . Ha ha ha . How stupid I was. So I am now 45. Someone told him how much money I make and I got a message from him on Facebook . He is divorced and still has an aversion to working and still had a propensity for cheating .  So no. They don't change . 

check out the you tube channel live abuse free . It's about narcissists and I also like www.chump Those are two great resources to help you heal

Wildchildhaz1's picture

Narcissists love Facebook. They love to use it to brag about how great they are and to lecture others about politics. 

Texashley33's picture

Or maybe he is really actually happy now. ..Why do you care who he is with, or if he's happy or not? My Husband's Ex Wife left him after only 1 year of knocked up by another man, and then got extremely jealous and angry that he found me 2 years after their divorce, and she sees he is really happy and has a nice house, truck, car, take trips/vacations etc now with me, and we have 2 children and have actually stayed together, and still happy after 16 years of being together and married.  She's still single and miserable and stalking me online.  Womp womp womp. 

Rags's picture

Living well is the best revenge.  

My XW left the home we had purchased together 3.5 months before to move in with her geriatric fortune 500 executive sugar/baby daddy.  As our divorce proceedings progressed we met periodically for lunch meetings to go over property settlement stuff, etc... She enjoyed expounding on his she enjoyed cocktail dinners with him and his work minions who had lived worked overseas.  I guffawed and reminded her they I had grown up overseas and worked several summers internationally on internships and that she had never even been overseas.  She gave me her best impression of a sophisticated experienced Expat expounding on how professionals who had lived overseas were so much more interesting than someone who had just grown up overseas.  Meanwhile 31 years later and back at the ranch..... She is on DH #3 (I was #1) has had three out of wedlock spawn by two baby daddies.  Two of the spawn were conceived when she was married to someone other than their father.  

My wife and I are approaching our  27th anniversary and have lived overseas together for 7 years.

Yep, living well is the best revenge.

Enjoy your revenge.

His "happiness" is far more likely than not merely a facade.  Make sure yours is deep and true.