You are here

Do our SOs/DHs/DFs/ actually LIKE the drama and attention??

DaizyDuke's picture

I was just reading a post about a psycho BM and how it took a year for the poster's SO to put his foot down in regards to the drama. I have also read many more posts in where the OP's SO/DF/DH have YET to put their foot down as far as BM drama. I know that my DH was putting up with a gi-normous amount of crap from BM until I put MY foot down and said enough!!

Sometimes I wonder if these guys like the drama/attention that they get from BM?? I know that the excuse for the tolerance of BM crap is ususally that they are scared of custody battles, scared of CS going up, just want to peacefully co-exist, etc. But the more I read/see the more I think that some men like the attention.

And as far as bad BM behaviour, I just don't get it.. I can tell you if DH and I split up for some reason, he would be the LAST person I would want to talk to, text, ask for advice ANYTHING! I do have a life and my dignity.... I guess that's what these women are lacking?? (in addition to a few million brain cells)

Willow2010's picture

I think yes. DH does not anymore, but he used to fuel the flame. He did not notice until I pointed it out.

on the fence's picture

I agree with Crayon. I think their ego likes it just a bit. My mother pointed that out to me, especially the men with DDs. Post divorce dads seem pretty vulnerable, especially if BM was a cheating liar. They look to their children for the unconditional love they're missing and get all permissive trying to buy and keep that. DDs just assume the role of lady of the house. Drama comes later when you have DDs, GFs and BMs all squawking. I think they hate to be caught in the middle sometimes, but maybe it does make them feel important,too.

And probably some SMs enjoy it too, though I can't imagine why.

skylarksms's picture

I've always known that BM was a drama queen, but now that she's got her own life (FINALLY!!) and has quieted down some, I've come to realize two more things...

1. H must love the drama, too! Because he starts fights with me over the stupidest crap. Like last night, I asked him what his PIN was for his credit card. Somehow, he decided that meant that I had his credit card PIN and was going to somehow screw him over with it.

2. We are a lot closer when we have a "common enemy" to fight against together. When left to ourselves, it's more of a you versus me, rather than US vs. someone ELSE.

jojo68's picture

Definately...they love the attention. Its definately an ego trip. In their beedy little brains they think BM is still pining away for them and that she acts the way she does because she is jealous and wants them back...No matter how much attention and devotion I show to BF...he still needs the ego boost of thinking that BM still wants him. In reality from on the outside looking in...the BM in my case has no interest in BF other than to get every dime she can out of him and maipulate him like a litte puppy. Her deal is that she still has overwhelming power over him and she thrives on it.

I wouldn't piss on my ex husband if he was on fire or ask him for one damn thing no matter what...I talk to him as little as possible and that is only to discuss something about our son...that is it. Is that weird??? LOL

tofurkey's picture

I think that's a very valid point. When DH and I were first together, the b.s. with BM got so bad and he did nothing except make up those common excuses you pointed to that I flat out said to him that he must love it if he doesn't want to do something about it. Of course, he fiercely proclaimed that that was a foolish accusation and of course he didn't. But I guess there's no way to really prove it!

ddakan's picture

what kind of idiot would like the drama a bm causes. i know its nice to get attention, but geez, not from that psycho!! fo sho! after a while, we learn to tune out her demanding, do this, do that crap.

simifan's picture

I would think some do but far more probably tune it out. I've watched phone conversations where BM is screaming for the receiver sitting on the table & he's watching tv, every once in a while he'd say hmmm. I asked why he didn't just hang up, he said she'd just call back & yell twice as much when she finally caught up to him. It's easier to keep peace. She rarely calls anymore, but I still wonder if she ever noticed he didn't listen. BTW, I always add questions to my conversations to make sure I'm not sitting on the coffee table. }:)