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Do I allow SS13 over?

Redsonya's picture

DH has taken up residence in my downstairs guest room Smile and will be moving out in February. I gave him 60 days to find a place of his own. In the meantime, do I allow SS13 to come over or not? It would be EOW and a week at Xmas. After his horrible behavior last weekend, and all of the name calling, subtle jabs at me, and teaching my DD4 filthy words, I am leaning towards no. What do you think? DH isn't paying rent (he is working on my house 8 hours a week to reimburse me for food/utilities) and it is MY house. On the other hand, I can tell DH that if there is ANY more behavior like last weekend, SS13 absolutely won't come over again and that compromise will likely make things easier until he leaves. In terms of getting him to cooperate on our taxes, etc. However, before he moved back in with me in September, our agreement was that SS13 wouldn't come over until April 2013 and he agreed to that. I allowed him to have him over because I felt bad and that was a really bad idea. So - not having SS13 over was already agreed up anyways. DH can always visit him in his town during the week. What will happen is that BM will be PISSED and then DH will end up stressed out and taking it out on me (I don't really care though).

I've already decided that he won't be coming over here for the week of Xmas because I have that week off and I want to enjoy myself. He can come over the week of New Years, which is really when he is supposed to be here anyway. Any thoughts on this?

Redsonya's picture

Thanks! You are right - my whole focus right now is to get back to the "zen" peaceful place I was at before I met DH. I can't do that with his brat around ruining my peace.

StickAFork's picture

First of all, the house is a joint thing. You and he are married. He belongs there every bit as much as you do.
Now, you may get the house in the divorce, but that's different.

Your DH should see his son. It's petty and very "psycho BM-ish" of you to throw down this rule now that your marriage is over.

It isn't all about you... there are kids involved.

Redsonya's picture - I bought the house before we met, he hasn't made one payment, and we already have a judgement from the courts stating that that the house is my separate property. I just need to file one more paper to make the divorce final.

I have a DD4 to take into account. If you read any of my past posts, you'd see that he taught her the word "blow job", told her to shut up when she came into the living room where he had taken up residence, and used foul language all weekend. SS13 is not the only kid involved and he is not MY primary concern. My DD4 is. My peace is also more important.

hereiam's picture

You already gave him a chance and he blew it.

I allowed him to have him over because I felt bad and that was a really bad idea.

No reason to think it would be a good idea now, especially if he can visit him elsewhere.

RedWingsFan's picture

Nope, I see no reason to have the kid over either. Your house, DH is simply "renting the basement" at this point. If he wants to see his kid, he can do it elsewhere.

You have a 4 yr old to worry about and you shouldn't feel like a prisoner in your own home during the holidays.

Orange County Ca's picture

I think you can keep the kids apart for two days. If the cooperation you need on taxes is worth having the kid in the downstairs bedroom sleeping on the floor or whatever and outside I'd allow it.

If the cooperation isn't that important just stick to the original "no visit" agreement.

Redsonya's picture

That is a consideration - DD4 will be at her grandmother's the next weekend SS13 is supposed to be over. I could allow it and then just tell DH that if I find any mess or hear any name calling/foul language, that will be the last time he comes over.

Redsonya's picture

Good point - you are right it has been exhausting. The problem is that DH has major issues, but I love him and its been hard to leave him. His kids behavior has gotten worse and worse, so the thought was that we would try to work things out separately and he would see them in their town. Then we would bring them back into things in April (so six months later). SS13 apologized for the worst of his behavior (calling the "c" word twice) and so I caved on letting him back over.

I think you are right - I'll allow him over EOW and just let DH know that I WILL not clean up after him or put up with any bad behavior.