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disengaging from dh

SugarSpice's picture

i already disengaged from the skids many years ago. whatever happened to them in school or relationships no longer was my concern.

kicked out of the military? yawn.

dropped out of college? yawn.

but dh still opened his wallet and put skids first in the marriage. when skids were small i had two mini wifes.

now that skids are grown dh still puts them fits. gifts, attention all go to skids first and then i am the after thought.

i am now happily disengaged from dh now. if he pays attention to me and showers me with gifts that is ok. if not that is ok too.

i have found peace in being with myself and not relying on my marriage to make me happy. dh would flip if he found out how much i spurge on myself with my own money. happiness is found on ones self and not other.

hereiam's picture

Yes, happiness is found in oneself but your companion and life partner should compliment and add to that. Otherwise, what's the point?

Last In Line's picture

Geez that relationship is sad. Sounds very unfulfilling.

It's good to be able to entertain yourself though.

SugarSpice's picture

it will be his money if he leaves me. an attorney has already laid out what i will get when/if we separate.

Disneyfan's picture

Didn't he already tell you he wanted a divorce? What are the two of you holding on for? Neither one of you sound happy. It would drive me nuts to be with someone who was constantly adding up the amount of money I spent (money that I worked for)on my son and my family.

Expecting this man spend tons of cash on you after he has made clearn that he wants out of the marriage is crazy.

Indigo's picture

I'm so sorry. Sounds like a case of feeling alone in a crowd. Step away. Get a therapist. Get an attorney. Rediscover yourself.

Separate your finances and your residence. It's not fair to you nor is it fair to anyone else of your 'family' to maintain a farce of a relationship.

SugarSpice's picture

financially i separated years ago when i realised that his family came before me. his family is very poor and always hitting him up for money. i wanted no part of that.

Disneyfan's picture

Since he isn't spending your money on his kids and parents, you really don't get to say anything about it. He isn't spending as much on you because he's done.

What he's doing is normal, your expectations are not.

VicLee's picture

It sounds like steps in the right direction away from the marriage. People shouldn't be so hard on you for being where you're at. We don't decide to get married overnight. So you haven't walked out yet. You will. Nobody else can decide that time for you. So what if you're just beginning to take better care and love yourself more. Doesn't mean younhave to get divorced that very week, month, whatever. Maybe never. We are just here to be supportive.

SugarSpice's picture

thank you both for understanding. leaving immediately is not the thing to do in my case. its easy to judge and make decisions for other people because they might not know all the variables. yes i am just disengaging and taking care of myself.