Difficulty loving my step sons
I'm 26 and have been with my BF now for nearly 2 years and I have never really clicked with 1 of his 2 kids. Two boys 9 and 6. I find the 9yo a lot easier to get on with, either our personalities mesh better, we have a better friendship and respect for one another, I don't know but everything about the 6yo drives me nuts.
I was brought up in a stricter family, my dad just had to look at me and I would know that I had crossed a line but I am so thankful for it now. I have respect for others, manners etc. I feel I am reminding them every hour of every day to say "please, thank you", there are set rules in the house and these don't change on a daily basis but again, it's the constant reminding to do the same thing all the time.
What really gets to me is when I have to call the youngests name 5 times before I get any kind of response when the tv is on. Then it's "what" or "huh" I can also only ask him to do one thing at a time then when he eventually decides to do it after being asked another couple of times he will instantly forget anything else I say. This could be an age thing but still annoying, again routine doesn't change from day to day.
Could be an age thing again but the 6yo will whinge at the drop of a hat, doesn't like something the bottom lip will go, ask him to do something the bottom lip will go, crying for no particular reason and the list goes on.
My BF does see what I see and he gets it but he also just brushes it off with a "he's just a kid" or "just tune it out" I know what he is and I don't have the capability to tune it out yet.
There is also jealousy there, the 6yo will hang off my BF, needs to sit next to him all the time, will whinge if he doesn't. There is no personal space there. I find I will excuse myself from the room so I don't have to watch it.
I also find whenever the kids are over I don't want to be at home because I know I will just feel frustrated, again the 9yo isn't so bad. I think as he is that little bit older he understands more about the relationship we have and we have fun where the 6yo is still very much the mummy's boy SAS she lets him get away with more than I do.
I know it's a shock to the system for kids when a new peson comes into the scene but while my relationship grows with the 9yo it's getting worse with the 6yo.
I don't want to be the person that is always complaining to my BF about his kids, he is sensitive/ protective when it comes to them, as he should be but I am pregnant with our own child now and I know that will cause even more difficulties in the future. I know me well enough to know that if I'm having these feelings now they will only grow when the new one comes along. I will want my own space with the baby.
I guess that's rant/ vent over. I do feel bad about feeling this way but I can't control it.
Ha I'm that way about my
Ha I'm that way about my fiances youngest daughter age 7 as well. She is GROWN and very sneaky tries to be mean to my daughter age 6 secretly I have bonded with his other 2 kids but that one there she's too much. Omg another young stepmom. I'm 25 stepmother of 3 mother of 2...I had my own and me and SO just had one 7 months ago
This isn't a step issue - but
This isn't a step issue - but with several of my close friends and relatives I've adored one of their children while barely tolerating their other child.
Yes children are moldable - but they have their own intrinsic personality too. And some of those personalities just do not mesh with everyone else.
It doesn't have to do with male or female, oldest or youngest. Some children are just more likeable than others to certain people.
I had a good friend who had two daughters. I was very, very close to her older daughter and sometimes had a hard time even tolerating the younger daughter. My other good friend and mutual friend of the first friend had no real relationship with the older daughter, but she and the younger daughter were very close.
I was MUCH closer to my step niece than to my bio nephew - and I didn't dislike him at all.
At your age I met a man, the
At your age I met a man, the man I married and have been married to for 23 years, who had full custody of his 2 sons who were 5 & 7. Your description of the younger boy is the exact description of my youngest SS. It doesn't change and the tension remains. I chalked it up to younger boy being daddy's baby and he knew how to work daddy. My advise to you......run!!!!!!!!!! The feelings you have for this child, and that child for you, will never go away. It is not worth it, it is hard to live with and when daddy coddles his baby it's even harder to deal with, especially when it is a teenager who wants to view porn on the internet and daddy has no backbone or moral conscious to talk to his son. Life in these situations can be an uphill battle!
I am scared to read these as
I am scared to read these as I am expecting a baby and we have a 17 year old in the house (and no, it is not the case where i could say "oh SK will be out at 18. Not at all).