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dh wanted to go out of town for fun!

nunya1983's picture

So sd was here yesterday and was going to be leaving to get mom's in the evening. And dh had to run to the office (his warehouse) and his dad was there. Well he called me from the office to tell me his dad wanted him to go out of town with him for a little one day trip. Wtf!why the hell would he even ask to do this? I gave him a chance to come to his senses I asked him "don't you have something you have to do?" He drew a blank "uh, no?", "don't you need to spend time with your DAUGHTER?", he was all like, "I thought yall were going to the movies" (which I was going to take sd with me because I'd rather spend time when dh has to work in a theater where everyone has to be quiet and nobody can cause trouble for a few hours than risk what may happen). "Yes dh, but the movie only lasts for maybe 2 hours."

What the hell is his deal! This is why I end up picking up his slack. Sd feels abandoned when her father is right here! Now he wants to go out of town during his time? What an ass hole! Sd is taking out her anger on dh on me and dh doesn't do anything about it, and I am trying to disengage from the discipline so I can't really do anything. But she should be allowed to do things that she's been doing (another post entirely)

nunya1983's picture

Oh I wouldn't let him leave her with me so he could go out of town. He want about to go. I would have driven her that instant back to her mom's myself if he went out of town

nunya1983's picture

I would totally feel different if I was her legal guardian. I would be responsible for her as a parent. But I'm not. She had 2 parents, and I'm supposed to be disengaging. And he wants to go away with his dad for the day? He'll no! I understand if he had to run to the office. He had her during the week a few days and then during the weekend then this week he'll have her a few days and this weekend is dh's again because it's the first weekend... also where they are going is not child appropriate

simifan's picture

Next time try this - "Oh, Okay. I'll let SD know you are taking her out of town. She will be soo excited." }:)

Strengthh's picture

My H didn't go out of town. But he avoided SD, cleaning the garage for hours on end every weekend, a one and a half car garage, it even a quarter full. Or claiming an upset stomach and locking himself in the bathroom for 1-2 hours, smoking.

Being a parent is hands on demanding and hard,

Being a parent isn't pawning your kid off on who ever you can just cause you feel like it. Being a parent isn't letting your kid act like a little asshole for years on end and even get physical with her SM, while looking the other way, he's just a piece of shit pretend Disney daddy.
Like my H,

He sure is big disciplinarian to your kids. Cause it's easy, cause you are the one doing the actual parenting. He just comes along after the fact and puts on an act, playing the big man, but when it comes to real parenting.........the asshole goes on little out of town trips wheneve he feels like it and let's his kid assault his wife while he looks the other way,

nunya1983's picture

Exactly, I spent time doing things wit them. I was the dorky parent making sure all their toys were educational. I would spend my time chasing them on the playgrounds, feeding the ducks with them, coloring pictures, painting, doing makeovers, heck I had a nightly ritual of reading to them for an hour until less than a year ago (when I found out that dd11 was counting it as her 30 minutes of reading for her ELA class)

Strengthh's picture

It's bad enough he pawns her off on you whenever he can without a second thought. Lots of men do that, in intact families, mom is the go to parent. Pawning her off on you could be tolerable, if he would at least have enough respect for you to trust you to discipline as you see fit. Not only does he expect you to watch her, but to take all her misbehavior including physical violence against you and put up up with it.

I cannot imagine anything more lazy,more selfish, more disrespectful. Not to mention a complete failure as a parent.

You are correct, if you continue to allow her to come into your home, and physically hurt you ( I promise you the shove is only the beginning) and your daughters ( I would advise telling them to come back on SD so hard if she ever gets physical with them that her fat ass will never think of it again)......she will stop visitation.

The next step is only hanging around your home if something is being done for her, getting taken to dinner, taken shopping, some expensive activity like a theme park, etc.