DH still wants a baby...I feel sick thinking about it
My DH of less than a year badly wants another baby. He has three children from his first wife: SD 15, SD18, and SS12. He is 47, I am 41 (this is my first marriage, and I have no children of my own).
When we were dating and in the beginning of our marriage, I did feel that I would like to have a child with him, and it was something we were looking forward to in the future.
Here is the problem: I have realized that I no longer want to have a child. After seeing what my husband goes through with his BM and his kids, there is no way that I am interested in being a parent.
We talked about this last night, and he was very disappointed that I have changed my mind. I listed numerous reasons why it is best we don’t have a baby: financial, health (I am over 40 and have an underlying medical condition), his kids being almost grown, career reasons, etc.
But none of those is the REAL reason: I just don’t want to be a parent. I know that kids are a lot of aggravation, and I just don’t believe they’re worth it. (I do not mean to offend those of you who are parents; if you are happy being a parent, that is wonderful, and I am glad that you find joy in your kids. But I don't think it's for me.)
DH gave me the impression last night that he thinks I will feel differently in a few months, and so this baby stuff is going to come up again and again. I don’t know how to tell him that I will not be changing my mind—that I do not want a child and will never want one.
I feel sick thinking about this situation…I know it is going to blow up in my face, and I don’t know what to do about it. The sad part is, our relationship is otherwise great. Why can't he just leave it alone?
I know that kids are a lot of
I know that kids are a lot of aggravation, and I just don’t believe they’re worth it.
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Oh hun...I bet you did not feel that way before coming a step parent huh? Now I am not trying to sway you one way or the other, but YOUR kid will NOT be a lot of aggravation. Just something to think about.
Well, definitely DO not allow
Well, definitely DO not allow DH to talk you into it if you are opposed for your own reasons! He has 3 kids already, so it's not like he's childless.
I can understand your position. I'm sure he'll be disappointed, but you'd be in far worse trouble if you went ahead with a pregnancy you didn't want and one that could potentially put your health at risk.
I wish you the best. That has to be very hard for you!
That's what scares me the
That's what scares me the most: the thought of this nonsense harming our marriage, because we are otherwise very solid and happy with each other.
I have asked him to really consider why he wants another child at this stage of his life, when he will probably be a grandpa within 10 years. He says it's because he a) loves babies and kids (he IS a teacher), b) loves me, and c) believes I would be a great mom and it's a terrible waste for me to not be somebody's mother.
God, I wish I could get him to go for a puppy instead. We already have a small elderly dog, though...so might be a tough sell before she passes.
Sometimes you have to be a
Sometimes you have to be a broken record. Whenever he mentions it just keep repeating the same phase over and over.
I do not want children Sam I am. I do not want children now. I do not want them later. I do not want them Sam I am.
Okay, joking, but you get the point.
Like someone told me, wait for the bios to have kids, and then you can be a grandparent!
I talk to my DH about the
I talk to my DH about the travel we can do since we are now empty nesters. A lot easier to do that when you don't have kids to drag along!
I'm sure having your own
I'm sure having your own child will be NOTHING like having skids, but if you don't want to have a baby, you definitely should not do it just because someone else wants you to! Your DH already has 3 kids. I can see why he wants a child with you- you are his wife, and he probably wants you to experience being a parent just as he has and he wants to do it with YOU- but still- it's such a huge commitment. I think if you really don't want to be a parent, explain it to your DH and leave it at that. He will have to deal. You can't force parenting on someone.
AT 15, 18 and 12, he'll have
AT 15, 18 and 12, he'll have grandkids in 5-10 years.....all the fun parts of having a kid without all the bad stuff! Remind him of all the things you can do now, that you couldn't do with a baby or a toddler or a middle schooler. In the end, you'll have to decide who gets to "win" the baby debate. IMO, the "no" should always win in baby debate.
If you don't want to have a
If you don't want to have a child, do not allow him you to guilt you into having one.
Do you think you would still
Do you think you would still feel this way if your DH wasn't already a parent?