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DH not being fully honest with SS14 Psychiatrist

Maine3487's picture

So SS14 has been diagnosed with a number of mental health issues from ADHD to oppositional defiant disorder. Both BM and DH meet together with SS14 every two weeks either with the Psychiatrist or social worker. Now BM herself is on a Cocktail of different medications and pushed the same for SS14 at a early age. BM feels medication can fix everything. DH does not feel this way. YES DH got second opinions MANY times for SS14 treatment plans but the Psychiatrists and social workers never changed anything. 

So when they all meet up for SS14 therapy appointments DH is not alway honest to the doctor. What I mean is DH will NEVER tell the therapist anything negitive about SS14 behavior at out house.SS14 punched DH in the face just because SS14 did not like what DH said. This is not the first time SS14 has hit DH. This was never told to therapist or BM. SS14 is prone to violent temper tantrums if he does not get his way. DH has NOT Punished SS14 in over 4 years as DH is afraid SS14 will flip out(which he would) and break something or go running back to BM refusing to come back over. When the therapist asks DH how SS is doing DH always says very good even when SS has been a Monster. 

Now why does DH keep this stuff from the Therapist? The main reason is BM is always looking for an excuse to drug SS up even more. DH is afraid if he tells the doctor this the doctor will put SS on even more meds. DH feels he is protecting SS. 

Now I agree with DH about BM but I also feel DH should not be holding information about SS negative behavior back from the therapist either. Thoughts??? Is DH doing Serious harm to SS14 by suger coating what's going on at our house to the Therapist??

SteppedOut's picture

Yes. He is causing harm. He might need more or different medication. Or, you know, actual parenting. The kid faces no consequences. 

tog redux's picture

He’s not protecting or helping SS, he’s trying to get back at BM.  If he thinks letting SS be violent and get away with it is helping, he’s delusional. 

simifan's picture

DH knows the behavior and lack of consequences is not right. DH is ashamed he is not handling the situation. Personally, If DH was unwilling to address the situation, I would not allow a violent skid on my home. DH can choose to allow himself to be in danger but he does not get to choose to put you in danger. 

Merry's picture

Can your DH have a solo conversation with the doctor? If he's afraid that BM will use any negative information to her advantage (and DH's detriment), then DH needs another way to communicate.

The one thing he should not be doing is withholding information from the very people that can help his son.

ESMOD's picture

Honestly, it makes me kind of mad when parents sabotage their children's mental health treatment.

I mean, the professionals NEED to know his violent tendencies.. they need to know they are not being controlled.  I mean.. so fine,..your husband is willing to accept a few unsolicited assaults from his child.. but by not getting him the help he needs, he is setting up a situation where other people could be hurt including his son.

What do you think happens to a lot of mentally ill and "violent/out of control" people when they end up interacting with law enforcement? They are quite often dealt with through force and sometimes end up dead.  

What about when he assaults or kills another person's child?  

Sweeping it under the rug?  That's what ends up with situations like that guy in CT who shot up an elementary school!  His mommy was protecting him and not addressing his serious issues.  

In this case... therapy without full disclosure is semi-pointless.  I mean, his dad may not like the idea of his child having to take medications for the rest of his life to lead a normal existance.  I don't like the fact that one of my SD's will have to take a daily medication to avoid siezures.. but it is what it is.  Why are we so adverse to taking medication for a mental issue when we are generally more willing to take them for a physical one?  He may feel his EX could control what her problems are without medication.. but clearly there could be some hereditary mental illness that is in her gene pool that has been passed down to the son.

Ignoring the problem does not mean that the problem doesn't exist.

DHsfamilyfromhell's picture

Medication isn’t a cure but provides the person with some emotional regularity. 

- it can lesson the distress of ‘neurodiverse’ person, when they are struggling, and can be used as a ‘preventative’ to help lesson the likelihood of someone having some sort of meltdown. 

Sometimes medication is not nice to be on, and should not be solely relied upon, but it’s important for the diagnosed person to learn ‘when they should be on medication’. Learning this skill at a young age  (or least knowing when and how to seek help when needed) is a good one to take into adulthood when people need to be self sufficient. 

Many people in society don’t seek help eg the months before a breakdown even though the warning signs are there and leave it too late and have major meltdowns. 

Even more important than medication (it isn’t for everyone) are the discussions with the psychiatrist. 

Being honest with a psychiatrist (and leading by example) has the ability to transform someone’s life in quite a positive way. 

It’s important for your partner to realise the long term effects of being honest 

- The poor lad could end up as a divorce statistic in 15 years time with the added bonus that he could turn up on your doorstep because his wife couldn’t tolerate him and he has nowhere to go. 

Learning skills now could help him get an amazing career, amazing friends, many life choices and lots more fun!

A bit different I know, but my insulin dependent diabetic cousin (been in a coma many times when he was little) learnt to control some of his aggression that came with the illness - with a punchbag in the loft (not to be attempted on a flimsy ceiling)

Rags's picture

Time for a call to the therapist.  The therapist can't do their job without the facts and the complete picture. This is why effective therapy is a long game.

Time to tell DH he tells the therapist the complete truth or you will.


Rags's picture

Time for a call to the therapist.  The therapist can't do their job without the facts and the complete picture. This is why effective therapy is a long game.

Time to tell DH he tells the therapist the complete truth or you will.