DH made a mistake, IMO
So last night my SD10 got caught in a small lie. But any kind of lying makes my DH really angry (not that I blame him). He explained why lying is terrible and the lack of trust issues and all of the really important stuff. He told her what her punishment would be. Then I think he might have gone a step too far. He said, "I don't talk badly about your mother very often but she was a liar and that's why I hate her so much, even to this day."
Meanwhile SD10 begins sobbing uncontrollably and begging him not to say anything bad about her BM. BM moved out of the country and left SD10 behind and as a result SD10 is very over protective of her and refuses to hear anything bad about her.
Do you think this was over the line? I was uncomfortable. I even tried to stop him when I realized where this was going. Unfortunately, I worry that these comments will one day turn her against us.
OOPS
yeah, that was over the line............. even though my dh HATES bm with a purple passion and me to over what he has told me ---- we NEVER talk bad about her in front of skids.... now bm doesn't practice the same rules of ettiquette as we do.....
he may need to explain to her that he was angry and very upset that she may make a habit out of lying and over-reacted, but in no way back down on punishment..... my sd12 lies and steals and gets a "stiff talking to" but big fat ZERO for punishment --- i am still PISSED over that shit....
Constantly - That sounds heart wrenching for all 3 of you!
Wow. Obviously, poor SD10 is going through some tough issues. I'm sure she feels abandoned.
And your DH sounds very bitter. I'm guessing he's been lied to / hurt so much by the BM that it is now his pet peeve and brings up all kinds of nasty and hurtful memories for him.
His comment was definitely over the line. But you know what? We all make mistakes. We all say and do things that are not the right response.
My advice to your husband would be to tell him to calm down. And then, go in and APOLOGIZE to his daughter. He needs to tell her that he's sorry he said he hates her mother and he was just very upset and hurt. He needs to tell her that he hates lying and it hurts people's feelings. He needs to mend that wound. HE NEEDS TO SUCK THIS ONE UP.
The kid is too young to hear that one of her parents hates the other. Also, I'm sure SD knows, deep down, that her mom is truly a liar. She'll figure it out for herself. She doesn't need her dad to push her face in it.
Best of luck to you and to him. He can turn this around, but she will probably always wonder about it. Hopefully, with good lines of communication, it won't fester.
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***
I always end up apologizing for him
I told him I thought it was a mistake but he won't suck it up. When I could still hear her crying 10 minutes later, I went upstairs and tried to soften the blow for her by trying to explain why lying hurts people so much. Ugh. Sometimes I just close my eyes and hope that we all don't mess these kids up too badly.
I would apologize for him,
I would apologize for him, if he refuses to. My sister once called her SS a name and he went upstairs and started crying. I went up there to check on him as I thought her words were too harsh, and found him. I apologized for her. He started to feel better and stopped crying. I explained that everyone makes mistakes and it was not okay for her to say what she said. Even if your DH wouldnt admit it was wrong, you know it was and you should tell her so.
"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"