DH mad that I'm not accepting "mom" role
So...I'm going to try to explain this as well as I can, but bear with me because I'm so confused.
Not sure if it's something in the water but DH as of late has been trying to put the label of "mom" on me regarding his ss. He refers to SS as "our" or "your son"....a few times slipping up and saying in front of ss. SS has no reaction, he's usually absorbed in his tablet game, but I don't like him using that term especially around ss. SS knows who his mom is. And it isn't me.
I'm flattered that DH wants to pretend we are "one big happy family" but why do I need the "mom' label with it?
I've tried to explain to him that while I do care about SS well-being, and I don't mind sharing in costs and cooking and family outings, I will never "love" ss. He doesn't need two moms. When SS gets older and has limited tickets for family to go to his graduation I already know I'm not going to be included. I'm not going to be asked to go along to dr appointments, go to school events. And I'm okay with that. I didn't give birth to him. It's easy for me to put myself in BM shoes and think "if this was my child, how would I feel if stepparent did X". It's just something I've done from the beginning.
I know a mother's feelings towards her child are a LOT different then a stranger or even family member would feel. He pushes for "hugs"...heck I'm happy if SS says "goodbye" to me when we drop him off. I've tried explaining that this isn't a good idea, why I don't have the "motherly" feelings, that I don't even know what that is like, it's useless. Now I'm disengaging every time ss comes over, I will go read on the patio or run errands or work as late as I can on visitation nights. And yes, I have flat out told DH "I'm not comfortable with this" and he just clams up and is in a cruddy mood towards me the rest of the night. Then ss goes home, things go back to "normal"...and the dance starts again the following visitation day/weekend. DH has often said he wishes I was the BM and not his ex...well you should have thought of that before you decided to take off the condom. Not my circus, not my monkeys. Is this just a "phase" he is going through? It has to stop eventually, right? Right???
One other weird thing I forgot to mention; we are in the process of moving into a new home with more space. Every time our family has come over, they ask "so are you guys going to have a kid now?" As if that is the only reason we would want more space. Heck I'm counting down the years until ss turns 18, we can't afford another child we can hardly afford ss. So maybe DH is worried I want a child and is desperately trying to convince me to "mother" ss? No idea. Has this happened to any of you guys? Honestly, I'm getting bored disengaging. I want to participate in "game nights" and such. But I am "not the mama!"