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DH holds power - maybe I should check out - literally

Kes's picture

Just had a real bad argument with DH. The SDs have been here 4 days which hasn't helped and I have horrible menopausal symptoms.
However the main issue is that over the last few weeks, we have been talking about eventually (5-7yrs hence), moving back to the part of the UK (150 miles away)that I left 8 years ago to come and live with him. I have friends there, and would really love to go back, and have done initial bits of research into property prices there etc. It doesn't really matter from his point of view as it would still be the same commuting distance to London and he is hoping to retire in about 12 years anyway.

He seemed to be all for it and even suggested we go down there in the autumn to spend a long weekend and look around. However when I brought up the idea of booking said long weekend he blew a gasket and said that he didn't like the way I'd mentioned to one of my daughters and to my ex that this might be a possibility, and from there the argument escalated into him telling me to burn the books and maps I'd bought recently on Sussex, or "b*****r down there on your own!" He then stormed out of the house.

I really feel that because he holds the cards, financially speaking, in our relationship, he has all the power. We virtually never have arguments unless it is about the SDs, and this is about them really, because he doesn't want them getting wind of our plans, as they are far in the future, and probably doesn't really want to move anyway and was just humouring me. I think he wants to spend forever living 3 miles away from his daughters as currently, and I am expected to travel hundreds of miles to mine. I would understand if they were tiny kids, but they will be well into their 20's by then.
I actually feel quite suicidal now, as this project was holding at by my chronic depression, and giving me something to look forward to. Just in the last half hour I have removed all the photos of me and my side of the family from the walls and mantelpiece. When he comes back and asks, I will say that I thought the display of photos should more clearly display who holds the power in this relationship. I have a lot of pills upstairs for my depression and the temptation is actually to go and take a load of them before he comes back.

SASX's picture


Pick up the phone and call yourself an ambulance and go check yourself into a hospital. No man, woman or child is worth taking your life over. Ever. I do not care who they are.

You are giving this man who treats you so badly literally the power over your life and death. Not good. Pick up the phone NOW and CALL!!

alwaysanxious's picture

please pick up the phone n the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

OH I'm so sorry, You are in UK!!!! Please check back in and let people know you are ok.

UK: 08457 90 90 90
ROI: 1850 60 90 90
Chris, P.O. Box 9090
Stirling, FK8 2SA

Eyes Wide Open's picture

Do NOT let him control you. HE is not worth killing yourself over. Just leave. Go to your friends in the town you want to be in. They will help you start over. Leave now and don't look back.

Kes's picture

Thank you all for your kind support. As requested, I am checking back in to let you know I am OK. Well, not OK but I am still here!
What really got me about the situation is that my DH is usually so reasonable - this horrible outburst was so out of character and it completely pulled the rug out from under me.
I went round the house taking down all the pictures of me and my daughters because he once commented that there were more pictures of us than of his family. There aren't now. He tried to make things right with me this morning, but I was still very angry and upset - it felt like he was behaving like my ex, yesterday. ie completely psychotic. Thanks again. Will write more later.