DH flipped because of a sunburn on SD and vent
Hey all,
New here.. I guess I'm just venting. SD got a really bad sunburn with her mom. Apparently she took her to the beach one day and then the next day, took her to a pool at her cousins house and came back with 3rd degree burns. On the 4th of July we had her and knew she was burned on her arms but the really bad burn was on her back through where her bathing suit showed part of her skin, so we never saw it so he was mad that he was never made aware of it because if he was aware then he would have been putting aloe on it frequently, trying to make it better... By the time we got home after the fireworks they were undressing and in a lot of pain and we noticed the burn and it had started to blister all over her back and she was crying and DH was so mad and said he wanted to send her a text about it.
I said "Well... make sure you're nice about it... I'm sure she didn't want her kids to be sunburned and learned from it. Just remind her she needs to put aloe on it frequently and to please tell you next time and leave it at that."
No. He was meaner than that. He said what he thought was nice and said after "You better fucking tell me next time this happens."
Of course she got pissed and said he has no right to curse at her and lied saying she is crazy with sunblock and applied a lot. The SDs told us they sprayed each other with sunblock one time not evenly, blaming each other for both being burned and mom didn't spray...
I was a little upset for DH picking a fight that could have been handled better. He needs to pick his battles. I think he struggles with everyone not taking him seriously as a dad because of how low key he is. He has also become more confident over time since meeting me 5 years ago and he's really not as quiet anymore, but people still have this image in their mind that "that's who DH is" and we think that everyone has this idea that because he's developed opinions, and enforces boundaries respectfully (maybe not this time, but usually very respectfully) that it must be because I, his wife, must stir the pot, or control him or something. BM says things like "I don't know where this is coming from?????" and tells the girls that I get in the middle. And his parents recently asked me if I had anything to do with a certain problem, which I certainly did NOT. He is a big boy! He's almost 40, and the reason he is developing opinions is because he kids are no longer babies/toddlers which is what they were when he and BM were together 8 years ago. I really do not like being blamed for things I have nothing to do with and I wish I can make it stop!
Thanks for the vent!
That was very ignorant of her
That was very ignorant of her to allow that to happen and as you said I'm sure she learned from it. But she needs to stop lying as with kids the truth comes out eventually.
I don't know how you can stop other people from forming opinions. Perhaps a coming out party where his reaching maturity is celebrated. Might be a little embarrassing for him but tell him he's a big boy now. Announce that with majority reached you are no longer responsible for what he does or fails to do and actually never were.
For the sun burned kids, have
For the sun burned kids, have them wear very large for them cotton t shirts. Maybe your dh's undershirts. Put solarcaine and after burn product on the burns. Aloe is great but it does nothing for pain. They'll be fine in a few days. I can appreciate being pissed about bm, and really she should have been on top of this, dh really needs to pick his battles.
Well, I didn't get pissed or
Well, I didn't get pissed or anything I was just like dreading another fight between them (she tells all the fights to the girls)when it could have been handled more effectively. As I said I'm sure she didn't do this on purpose. As a mother, it being the first big sunburn, I would hope to get a free pass with a nice talk about how to avoid this from happening, not my ex cursing at me or yelling even if it were through text.. DH is so caring about his girls and my son. Great dad and husband
Hell no I wouldn't! I'm not
Hell no I wouldn't! I'm not saying this to sound better than anyone or anything because I KNOW that accidents happen and I don't believe that this mistake makes BM a bad mom. But my son is almost 8 and he's never been burned. He's really white too! As am I and SD8.
I think maybe she didn't see it coming because even after you get out of the sun, the burn starts to get worse later, so you don't always see the damage as it's happening.
Yeah DH will let some things go to keep the peace because she tells the girls everything and sd8 gets very upset... In fact sd8 got so upset last time DH started tearing up a little bit and wished she were here because he wasn't sure what BM was telling her about the situation... She just plays the victim is all. It's not big things, she just plays innocent victim and cries if she doesn't get what she wants. Anyways yeah he let's some things go but steps up on issues that matter.
Sorry I meant to enunciate
Sorry I meant to enunciate THIS. Lol she's done other things that puts her in that category.
You know what I've had a 3rd
You know what I've had a 3rd degree burn too! Like 10 years ago I fell asleep on the beach in the morning after being out all night (just don't ask! Young!) and I didn't wake up until late late afternoon.
I stayed in bed so long, I was in so much pain and I don't even remember how long it took for it to finally happen but when it peeled off it came off in a thick hard layer of skin. It was so painful oh my gosh...
Or maybe it's still
Or maybe it's still considered a 2nd degree burn, who knows lmfao
A third degree burn is
A third degree burn is defined as a full thickness burn, as in it must penetrate the epidermis and the dermis fully and burn down into the muscle or bone layer. It is NOT POSSIBLE to get a third degree burn from a sun burn. If you get a third degree burn over more than 20% of your body, there's a damn good chance you are laying in a burn center, intubated, in a medically induced coma, with sterile maggots eating your dead skin off. Oh, and you're probably going to die no matter what they do.
What you are describing is a 2nd degree burn, with blisters. A normal sunburn is a first degree burn.
Sorry, just a pet peeve when people say something that is not physically possible.
Carry on.....
Oh I'm sorry guys, 2nd
Oh I'm sorry guys, 2nd degree. That's quite embarrassing! I guess I don't know my burns very well because try to avoid this...
Thank you! SD's are coming
Thank you! SD's are coming back tomorrow, so I'll see how they are and if the 8yo needs to go to the dr at this point. I have a question! My other one as tiny bumps all over her face, especially her nose. Those are considered blisters too right? I've been putting aloe on it (when she was here anyway lol) I just want to find the magic solution to make their burns go away ASAP!!
No I don't think there is
No I don't think there is fluid inside these on her face. They are tiny but I'm not sure. I'll be sure to get the cetaphil moisturizer. Thank you so much!!!!
Also dont forget if they are
Also dont forget if they are clear, fluid filled, needle tip (approx) sized blisters...that could be cold sores, which can happen after sun exposure!
Since the child is at least
Since the child is at least 8, why did she not tell you or Dad that she was in pain?
And, I've found that it isn't always easy to see the burn until after you get out of the sun.
Well good thing he did then.
Well good thing he did then. Hopefully she's getting the point with these situations where he's protecting the kids that he's watching over them.. Closely. For a reason. She's your typical high conflict BM that cares mostly about herself and most likely has some sort of personality disorder... We're working on getting them out.
Thank u all for your comments!