Yikes, I had a SIL that was also pregnant at the same time as me. I think my in laws have seen SD12 more than my child. That's fine with me, they bring so much stress to my life and DH's. SD has spent more time with her cousins than her sister. 

In laws love to act high and mighty and tell you have to parent and stepparent. Why don't they ask your DH to stay on top of the schoolwork? I swear in laws are always trying to correct some injustice against stepkids and they end up spoiling the kid and annoying the stepparent to the point they check out. 

Who cares what advice they give and what they expect from you. You focus on YOUR BABY. SS got that undivided attention and focus when he was a baby, yours deserves it too. SS has two other parents that can worry about him. If they say anything again remind them that SD has his own parents and you are focusing on cherishing having your own baby.

Yikes. I really get where you’re coming from with the reflux. DD3 had reflux and used to scream and spew when she was laid flat. Which meant I was holding her upright for at least half an hour every feed. And teaching baby self settling was thrown right out the window. The paediatrician said it’ll go away at the 6 month mark when they can sit up. Only DD didn’t get over it until past a year. Point is that she eventually did and the reflux stage does end. She walks into her own bedroom and sleeps through the night these days. Hang in there new mumma! 

If your baby is anything like mine you’re probably running on fumes right now. Lucky to get sleep in 2 hour chunks at a time and stressing whether or not the next feed will stay down. Your only focus should be on your baby and yourself. Take care of yourself so you can take care of your baby. SS has his own parents. As for the in-laws, just accept that those nutters are nutters and you’re better off without them. Their disinterest is no reflection on your baby, it’s just a sign of their dysfunction. And your baby is better off with people who genuinely care.  

Don't chase after these people.  Heck, stop talking to them.

I used to think DH's family was close knit... time has shown they are actually enmeshed and very dysfunctional.  I only talk to his uncle's wife. She's a second wife as well and his family still reminisces about good times with his ex wife even though she should be on a sex offenders list.  They turn a blind eye to that.  and occasionally call his current wife by the ex-wife's name.  My GMIL said my DH should have never had more children (our daughter) so his other kids could be there instead.

Unfortunately my daughter is not going to have a grandmother like I did. My mom has her issues and MIL has issues as well.  I do plan on limiting my daughter's contact with MIL because I know she is going to eventually tell my daughter things that will get  her cut off for good.  There is no grandfather figure on DH's side. My dad has a great bond with my daughter.  

I have friends who will be more stable family for my daughter than the blood related ones.

I will add, I didn't let my SS touch my daughter as a baby either because he was unhygienic and would be physically aggressive or inappropriate to other children younger than him.  

Wow. Reading this I realize a lot of us experience the same issues. And here I thought I was always alone. 
 

I was pregnant with my firsts baby at the same time as my sister in law. In laws basically ignored me too. And when my son was born wow. Their negativity and cruelty was so apparent. They even claimed I changed after I had my own baby (changed towards the stepchildren according to them) this was t true. I simply wanted to enjoy my child too. 
 

anyway you have to be strong and stand for what you believe. To the in-laws you will always be wrong. You will never please them and they always find so,etching wrong with you. That's just the way it is. You be the best mom you can be and enjoy your baby. It goes by so fast. You want to make happy memories with your son. 

This happened with me as well with BOTH my kids. After my first was born all everyone cared about was SD. I had serious post partum after my son was born and the fact that nobody cared made it worse. It has been 8 years and my in-laws still treat my SD like she's more important and my son has autism you would think they would care that my son needs help but they don't. My H has a few close family members one of them I refuse to be around another one passed away last year (He used to give BM money and not tell H, did all kinds of stuff for SD that he didn't do for mine) and his dad I can't avoid but needless to say my father in law won't do anything with my kids unless SD is there. He'll only take pictures when SD is there and I've had to practically beg him to help with mine. I don't have much contact because even when he comes here and SD is with her mom he's sitting on the couch pouting the SD isn't here. I'm just want to tell him to leave. So I understand where you're coming from and this might continue. If I were you I'd stay away from his family because it's really horrible what they are doing. It's very damaging not only to you but your marriage as well.

Wayne Dyer said it best, "Family, that bothersome tribe." 

If your family is happy then focus on that.  Unfortunately he may not be close to his paternal side of the family. Honestly this could happen even if your baby were ss's full sibling. Some family members are horrible at favortism while saying, "I love all my grandkids the same." ExMil is like this and it used to be hurtful that my kids would always be second after her daughters children. Now she favors one of my kids who has become successful in sports, and she barely acknowledges the other ones.  

When they ask how ss is doing, just say that he's settling into the big brother role nicely. When they ask about his school, let them know that DH is working with him. No need to expound, learn how to pivot and change the subject. Sorry DH is depressed, it sounds like all the family drama isn't helping.  I wouldn't cut them off but I would step back and become more involved in your own family since they are loving and supportive of your son.  

Congrats on your new baby.

First rule of thumb is DH is the one who calls his parents, HE is the one to call his siblings, HE is the one to take care of his bio child ie your step child. HE is the one who buys gifts for his parents, HE is the one who sends them photos---NOT YOU.

Frankly you do not have to have them call you if they are being crappy to you.

So, do yourself a huge favor---hand dh's family to to HIM. Let him deal with them for all things, ok?

You handle your bio family, he handles his.

*edit to add---lets say they text you for baby pictures. Send cute text back, "Hi, please text dh, K. He is sending out all his family pics when they ask him'..gotta run baby is crying

YES! I am pregnant and we are expecting in April. When we FIRST announced to our families, it was "Congrats!" But also in the SAME breath "How is SD dealing with it?" I think with SD everyone knows she is a more 'difficult' child. They already know the answer. Do you expect me to say "OMG SHE'S OVER THE MOON!" Um, no. You know she is an attention seeking child, so she has been negative about the WHOLE experience.

"Babies are annoying" "I don't want to share my bathroom" "He's YOUR responsibility" "He's going to take all the attention" etc. etc. etc. 

It was really frustrating because I felt like SD was taking away from the experience. Now that I'm approaching my 3rd trimester, *thankfully* people have stopped really asking. I'm sure once he is here, the questions will resurface again... :/ I just try to keep it short and change the subject. There is no sense on dwelling on the negative. 

Our daughter will be 2 in a couple of days and son 1 next month. His daughter.. the golden child 6 gets the same treatment.

BFs mom through a baby shower for daughter in law. We had a wedding out fo town and offered our kids to go since the entire family would be there. Not his weekend with his daughter.. His mom went and picked her up for the weekend. Day of party as we are enroute to a 7 hr away wedding and kids are now with my mom throwing a fit and calling us non stop because she at least wants our 2 yr old. BF got upset and let his mom know it and her response was she knew it was coming from me and how pathetic it was that I was jealous of a 6 year old girl. 

That was the day his mother and I's relationship changed forever because I told her she could shove her grand daughter right up her ass! 

DH has older kids; we have a toddler, so I get it....  My advice to you is to try to disengage from DH's family.  I think they've shown you who they are and what they care about, and for your own health and happiness, try to accept it and move on. For  example, you now know that when you communicate with them, they will say all the wrong things and trigger you, so avoid communicating with them if you can.  Let DH deal with his family and SS9.  Build your support system elswhere - your family and friends.   People who support and uplift YOU in this most challenging time as a new mom!  Infants are so hard and so precious and this time is so fleeting, so focus on the good and do your best to seperate yourself from the bad.   It worked for me pretty well. :)