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Dealing with pathological liar Bio-Mom

QueenBee's picture

Hey Everyone!

I am new to the group and must say, I was very excited and happy to see an actual website where I get to vent!

My husband has a job which takes him out of the country alot......so, lucky me, I get to deal with the Ex. I typically get a call from her once a month asking for more money (we already give her a hefty sum each month without fail for one child). The ex has a career, which she has had for 16 years. Lately, she has told me that she has lost her job....I doubled checked....NOT TRUE!! She has even had my stepdaughter call for more money.....Does anyone have any suggestions on dealing with this type of situation????

lovin-life's picture

My BF's "x" tried to "take BF for everything" she could by lying extensively in court. She said HE was the control freak and was a bully and keep her in the dark about family finances implying that he was "financially abusive" and she was totally dependent on him..she had no access to the accounts..etc. A real load of crap! She had all the information it was left behind in the house...she knew we didn't have any paperwork or evidence to prove otherwise. But we fooled her there too...the bank keeps your financial records for 7 years....it took many, many weeks but we got all the information from them. She just about "sh*t her pants when we produced document after document..including a check she had written on his money..for $11,000.00" to prove what a lying fool she was!!!

All the bank accounts were joint and she used them constantly. Claimed that he didn't give her 1 penny in child-support, alimony, etc and after he left ..he stuck her with all the expenses of running the home....blah..blah.. Another load of crap...he didn't give her money directly because she was using "family money" to pay for motel rooms with her "internet men"..so he paid the bills directly..they were all in his name..and he wanted to make sure they got paid and she didn't screw up his credit. WE produced all the bills and cancelled checks...totally $4000. He paid child support.

Claimed that she couldn't go any further in her career...We knew that was crap. She had worked in a position for a year much much more money..but when it was offered to her she turned it down!!!
We got her personel file...(ordered through a judge)..proved her a liar on that one too. It was all in black & white.

Claimed her boyfriend was her "landlord" and they made up whatever number they wanted for "rent expenses". We proved his title through an obituary that refered to him as "companion" ...not her "landlord"

I could go on & on.....but you get the picture..

I read somewhere early on with this court/legal/nut-job stuff....too gather evidence..evidence...evidence.. Even if you can discredit her on little thing after little thing...when it comes down to a bigger thing..and it's down to he said..she said. You are the one with credibility!!! We won everything we wanted in court..because of this.

As far as more ..more ..more .. let her speak to your husband about it.. you don't owe it too her!!! And let her go after it in court..don't just hand it too her. And constantly keep notes..gather information..prepare your information ..like you are going to court next month..because she can take you back at anytime..suprise her by being ready for her.

Stay on her. Keep checking up on her. If you can get her to say these rediculous things via e-mail or note..even better!!

These nut-jobs aren't as smart as they think they are....they eventually loose track of their own lies......

GOOD LUCK!!!!!

PS
I try to limit my communication with my "x" to e-mails. That way he can't threaten me ..(as in the past)..or make crazy accusations..(as in the past) or hang up on me..or deny what I said..or what he said.. I have nothing to hide. I would rather have our conversations documented. He has admitted in writing that he told me to sign up the kids for Tae Kwon Do...his idea..and that he would pay for it... Then refused to pay after I already cut the checks. $690.00 x 2 but only 1 child was interested. He did the same thing with the other child. After I told her I couldn't afford to sign her up for hockey..he told her to go ahead he'll pay half.....then $1200.00 later he has contributed nothing!! (They were both around the same time..so I didn't know he would stiff me!) He won't admit that one in writing...but both children are witnesses! He's racking MY credit cards up..with his broken promises..while he's travelling all over the place every weekend partying!!! We haven't had our day in court yet.....

Document...document .. document....

beedeegee's picture

It's CRAZY. I'm young, but professional and have a good head on my shoulders. My husbands ex wife claims to be dying, yet she does all kinds of extra curriculars. She was ordered to pay zero child support even though we have them 45 weeks out of the year (she moved states). It sickens me to hear her lies and they never stop. We recently got a hold of one of her friends and an ex boyfriend, they both claim that she says neither of our children are actually hers and she legally adopted them (attention seeking). She made up a whole story about how they met their real mom and on and on and on! I have pictures of her giving birth, in the hospital with our (my step) children. It's UGLY (these lies). I just can't get over how a person can do it. She lies about having an eduction, having a Mercedes, her jobs, her illnesses. The most sickening thing is...judges believe her!

QueenBee's picture

Hey Lovin-life,

Thanks for your response! Yes, my husband went thru all the things that you described way before we met.

I think his ex-wife feels she was screwed in court (she wasn't, judgement was totally based on the laws of the state they divorced in). After my husband and I met and had gotten serious the problems started. I seriously think she is a pathological liar and she truely believes everything she says.

My husband and I have been happily married now for 6 years. The Ex-wife called me the day before my wedding to try to talk me out of marrying my husband, we had to have the phones manned at the chappel we were married in because she kept calling the chappel. She has told me her version of their marriage together (I have to say, the man she describes is not my husband). I have repeatedly caught her in lies and have pointed this out to her, I have also suggested to her that she should seek a qualified professional (Psyciatrist) to help her. She still calls, and keeps on with the lies. Unfortunately, there is an impressionable daughter involved. My SD was very young when her parents divorced. She had a wonderful relationship with her father and myself until she hit 9 yrs old. At age 9 her mother abrubtly quit sending her for visitation (different state). Then her mother tried to take us back to court for more money (mistake on her part, she didn't receive anymore money and got into trouble for the lack of visitation). It took two years to go thru the court system (my husband is military and was also deployed during a portion of this). We did not get to see my SD again until she was 11 years old and she was a totally different girl. We have found out that the mother has told her lots of untruths about my husband and myself, mostly thru emails (I monitor her email account when she is with us). Anyway, now our relationship with my SD is strained. It is really sad, she use to be so loving and she has two addorable little siblings on this half of the family that she just can't bother herself with.

My SD is 14 years old now. My husband and I have accepted the situation as it is. We focus on the children that we can help at this point (the two little ones). Our lawyer has told us that our case is quite common in the court system. Unfortunately, there are people out there who will use their children against a former spouse, without any care as to what it does to the child. My husband and I pray that when my SD has reached adulthood perhaps then she will be able to see that things were not quite what her mother told her. It is just so sad!

lovin-life's picture

My SD's mother has also filled thier head with crap and they were much older, though. The youngest relationship with her father was strained for a couple years too...it broke his heart really they were so close...the "x from hell" sneered in court at him one day early on...."Daughter WILL NEVER LIVE WITH YOU!!!!" That backfired!

You should have seen the look of hatred on her face..as she snarled those words at him. (Just like she sneered "I'll take you for everything you have!") (Her face went all contorted and everything..like she was a horrible evil villian character on a BATMAN MOVIE OR SOMETHING..like the joker or penguin..only more evil and uglier!)

Her mother can't track all of her lies...it really does catch up with her and she never, never learns. She has made such a mess of her life!

These X's are "TOXIC PEOPLE" to be around..not just for the former husbands..the kids too will see the truth eventually and absolutely "HATE" the offending parent.

14 is a tough age..they are figuring things out..and think they know everything..and sometimes they're not big on discussing thier feelings with parents. Knowing what's up with the e-mails can help you do damage control by saying, doing, acting the opposite of what mommy dearest is trying to portray you guys as. It eventually won't make sense to the child..she will question the validity of her mothers statements after a while.

You know what's sad. The mother is so poison..she is jealous of her own daughter. The mother always wanted another Boxer dog..but didn't get one ..daughter got a boxer. The mother wanted a beautiful house..but because of her greed, vendictiveness..has to live in an old house with her mother. The daughter has a nice totally renovated house.
The mother won't come visit her. She'll visit her BF just up the road 4-5 times a week. but will not visit her daughter. She can't stand walking into her nice house,with her nice dog, a guy that would do anything for her...etc. All the things mother had once and threw away.

And when SD told mommy dearest that she was engaged and getting married in 2007. Instead being happy and excited for her...like everyone else was..she said "O great ..put me through that! Why don't you just go away and get married". It's all about the mother! She was devestated at her mother's reaction..I felt so bad for her.

What a poor excuse for a mother!! The last arguement they got into..was about SD insisting that mommy dearest pay back the money she stole ($6000.00 university money) from SD's bank account. And the final word from SD on the way out the door...was "F****ng Wh*re!".
She can only make so many excuses for her mothers bad behavior..and as they get older and take more of the brunt of it..as Dad had once done.. They see the true picture!!!!

Hang in there......

My posts are so long..I'm sorry!...I get going and sometimes I just can't stop

suri's picture

My ex accused me of saying and doing many of the things posted in these blogs. I wonder if his new wife believe him as well..? Time will show the truth. I am innocent and sadly he was the one doing all that he said I did. I no longer communicate with him as every conversation immediately has jumped into a battle'- my response- I would say thank you and good bye and end the call-and forget about email, he is a great computer hacker. It is absurd that things are like this but it seems that when it comes down to it-he really doesnt care so much for spending time with the kids-its about the money. Money is important to him and by withholding it-no child support ladies, or trying to get the kids 'converted' manipulated in anyway possible, perhaps trying to make himself feel empowered, he will do it. It seems he tried to bankrupt me, but like many evil doings his plan backfired. To me it is hard to forgive him, I have in the past, but soon after each time, he does more and as you can imagine, it became more difficult to 'forgive' each time. I now feel Im at a point where I know I will always have 'love' for him as a person and the father of our kids, but I will not and do not find his behavior acceptable, he is a disappointment. And the 450,000 dollars 'given' to the court system, while we lived -homeless- off of ramen-was a pathetic waste. I just hope he finds his truth before he dies of the fatal disease he has developed, for the kids sake mainly. His compulsive lying has not been a good example for the kids that are now teens, and for him to turn around would be positive for us all. *There is only love and everything else is illusion,a quote from an author
~see beyond the hatred and move forward within yourself (and away from negativity when possible). Aloha

Corazon's picture

I just want to know what people think about this situation. I'm hurt and confused right now and it's hard for me to see what is right and wrong. My fiance has a son from his ex girlfriend. This alone has been a huge struggle for me. I'm 23 with no children and this is my first relationship with a guy who already has a kid with someone else. I feel like the bad guy all the time because it's hard for me to watch his son when he needs me or get emotionally closer to his son who is 3 years old. I get depressed sometimes because I think about the future a lot like how our first child together will be his second and my first. I'm afraid of how things will turn out. Will they compare the children, will the birth of our child not be as special for him. I feel like I'll be walking on egg shells all the time making sure not to hurt is son's feelings. Not only that but I won't be the ONLY mother of his children. He would have to deal with the ex as well. I feel like I would be sharing him with someone else. I'm afraid I'll be missing out on having the family life I always imagined, where my husband and I had our own children with no one else involved, or is that just a silly dream these days? I can't tell anymore. Not only that but what hurts me most is that if my fiance and I were to accidentally get pregnant he would want me to have a abortion... he even mentioned giving it up for adoption!! I know we're not ready right now and I don't plan on getting pregnant, but I personally think that's one of the worsts things you can say to someone you love. I'm trying get used to this lifestyle with him and his son, I know it takes time and I'm willing to do that which is why I'm still with him... but if I ever got pregnant he wouldn't even consider having it. It's like he expects me to love his son right away who's not even my child to begin with and who is the source of all my unhappiness (sorry to say), but he wouldn't even do the same for our child.

Amanda's picture

You know, I was almost in the exact same boat, except that my husband was married to my step-daughter's mom. So, not only did have the same thoughts as you but I would never be his first wife either. It took me a long time to mature to the level that I am at now. In fact, in the beginning it was horrible what was going on between my H and his ex (she moved to another state with the child--he fought and lost)--lots of money lost and now my H would be paying to fly just to see his daughter--twice a month!!! Child support, day of no work, and travel expenses= $1500-2000/month!!!!! We were constantly broke!!
I was always debating if this was the right choice for me--everything pointed at "NO!" But I enjoyed his company so much--he was/is still a good man and more importantly a great father!! I just couldn't let him go. And deep down, I just couldn't let him endure this all alone--that broke my heart more than the thought of breaking up. So, I held on. And now, six years later, two more kids later, another custody battle later, everything is, amazingly, wonderful!
Now, I know I will never love my step-daughter the exact same as my own two kids. But I still love her, just differently. When I think about being in her shoes, I feel such empathy for her. And my heart breaks for what she has had to endure. I could never hurt her or see her be hurt. I want what is best for her jsut as my own--no more, no less. I treat her just the same as mine. And she feels the same. We have, now, such a motherly/sisterly/aunt bond of types.
And when I was pregnant, I was worried about his feelings for another baby--he wanted another daughter, we were having a son. I felt a slight disappointment from him. But, I tell you, when you give birth to your child with him--when you see him as the father of your child, you will never worry again!!! Just as if you were delivering another child yourself--regardless, the same love is there.
Comparing children happens in first families too! "She was much quieter as a baby, but he is definitely more aware of his surroundings." So on, and so forth! And his son will ask a lot of questions too. So be prepared! Be interested! Find out what he was like, so that you can answer too! That is an advantage of knowing him at such a young age--my SD still to this day (I met her when she was 3) asks me questions pertaining to her firsts (words, walking)! And I have to remind her that "I wasn't there but your daddy told me. . ." She really enjoys the fact that I know these details. You don't have to be lovey dovey jsut know your stuff!
Anyhow, I think you said it best, "it takes time." And I can't tell you how true that is. I was 23 too! I had to grow up, emotionally, very early. But it took time! It's okay not to love his son immediately! It too will take time.
And I think the biggest advantage, we step-moms have is that we get to see what a father he is way before even marrying! Many women do not get that choice until much later--when they possibly regret it!

Anonymous's picture

Run, run away as fast as you can. If he is acting this way now, HE WILL NOT CHANGE. Everyone will tell you that as soon as YOUR child is born, he will change, HE WILL NOT CHANGE. If you feel put out by his child now, just wait until this child is a teenager. I am stuck in a marriage with a man who still after 20 years, puts his first child from a previous marriage who is 20 years old and should be self supportive ahead of our two children who are 7 and 13. This child will not speak to me unless my husband is standing right there and she "has" to answer my questions. My husband's mother gave his first daughter a car, put a down payment on a second car for her, pays the car payment on the second car, among many, many other thing. My husband's mother gives my children beach towels and socks and underwear. Either get used to the idea that you and your children will ALWAYS be second, or take my advice and run away from this situation as fast as you can, BEFORE, you get pregnant and are stuck.

Stressed12345's picture

I am in a situation sort of similair to yours. 6 years later I can say if you are all ready feeling that way then find a man with no previous children. I love my man and his son and we have a daughter together. But times can be tough especially with a phyco mom involved.

commonsensemom's picture

You are YOUNG!!!!! Listen to the woman who said to run away as fast as you can. I was married at 32, and had a long learning time about relationships. One thing that I learned was that if a man says he doen't want children, then HE DOESN'T WANT ANY KIDS. I don't believe in abortion (personally, for myself), and although I used contraception, I would test the guy before I slept with him, saying, "I am NOT having an abortion if I get pregnant." That took care of the bad apples right away. If a man doesn't want children, and you obviously DO want children of your own, then you are NOT compatible. Please find someone who shares your vision of life so that you are not trapped with someone you will grow to resent. When I finally got married, I married someone who wanted children, who loves children. I have four, including my stepdaughter, and I couldn't be happier with the man I chose. A few years before I found this one, I thought I was in love with a man who had three daughters. It turned out that I was just in love with his kids, and he was a cheating bastard. But that is another story.... Put yourself first in this, and don't get swept away with doing the "right" thing for everyone else. Do what is RIGHT for you, because it will either set you FREE or imprison you in a life that is not right for you.

happy's picture

That should be the end of it.. And call her out on her lies.. She needs to know that you are not going to be so nieve that you believe everything she says.. Maybe if you call her out on the carpet for it she will quit because she will know that you will check on what she is telling you all.

stepnluv's picture

You are not alone!

(Replying and Venting at the same time...)

I have been married almost three years to a wonderful man. We are a blended family (his, mine, ours) and have to deal with a crazy bio mom who can't seem to get it together. She is always blaming him for the miserable life she created for herself. She won't keep a job, is in debt up to her eyeballs, has a spending habit out of this world, and hates happy people.

BM remarried when the children were very young, but my husband was in their life the entire time, except when she kept the children from him for a year--and even then he was still paying support.

BM has been lying to anyone with a pulse, telling people that she's been taking care of her children without any help or child support, my husband is not a good father, etc. She has done some very dishonest things in order to get money from her own family members by lying on my husband.

When BM gets caught in a lie, she all of a sudden has an episode of illness or pain, or she throws a tantrum.

She used to question my SKids about things that go on in our house. When they stopped talking, she got angry and accused my husband of trying to sabotage her relationship with "her" children. When she comes to visit, she always leaves upset because she doesn't like to see any positive changes in our lives or our home. If we have anything new or different, she always thinks that it was bought with money that could have been spent on "her kids".

BM lies about needing money for the children's education, etc., and then she gets the money, but the children still complain that the school asked them not to return until tuition is paid, or BM's mom will tell us that she had to pay for the issue that we already gave BM money for. She is a certifiable LOON!!!

My husband is a patient man, but this has got to stop! This woman hates to see my husband happy, and treats her own husband like absolute crap. She complains that my husband takes better care of our children than he does "his own". She tells my SKids that their father doesn't need them anymore because he has a new family. She tells them that he doesn't care about them and even has told the children that my husband beat her. She admitted to me that she said it even though it wasn't true because she was angry.

What she doesn't see is that she is hurting the kids with her lies, because they used to believe what she said. Now, they know when she's lying, and they call her on it too. She gets mad and tells them to "stop acting like your daddy".

She calls my husband a deadbeat dad whenever she can't squeeze more money out of him, and then complains that he's causing her stress and illness. When she lies, the truth always comes out later, because she always forgets who she told what lie to. I actually feel sorry for her because she doesn't think that her lies will catch up with her. Believe me, they always do, and it is never be pretty.

My advice to you, just don't give in to the lies, and you (or hubby) should ask lots of questions, it'll throw her off. Also, don't give in to her demands if they are unreasonable. Sometimes, asking becomes a game, and they don't always have to win.

stepnluv's picture

I know exactly how you feel. When my husband was working crazy hours, I used to have to bring money to lying BM for everything from birthday parties, to tuition, to special treats for report cards, etc., for two children, and I still had 3 more at home to care for. BM tried to gain my sympathy by lying to me about what the kids needed, and even tried to get me to give her extra money behind my husband's back. I never fell for the trick because I know better. I became the enemy when I started calling her on her lies. Once, she even called us while were on vacation asking for money from both of us--and we had the kids!!! When she calls me with her sad sob stories about not having any money, I usually give her one right back, and then she usually finds a way to end the call. I call her on her lies, but I do it nicely. She tries to pretend she likes me, but she tells my husband that that I said mean things to her (not true), then smiles in my face. Whenever she gets called on a lie, she always has an episode of illness (with me), or she throws a tantrum(with my husband). SKids have now realized that she is a liar and they roll their eyes whenever she tries to tell them bad things about their dad. She gets her lies mixed up and can't remember who she told what lie to, so it's always funny to watch her stumble over her own stories.

My advice to you, don't take crap from the biomom. There is power in the word no. And it's your money until you give it to her, so trust your gut, and talk to your husband if you have concerns.

P.S. My hubby used to just give her whatever she asked for because he thought it was for the kids. It wasn't until he forked over almost half a years' tuition for two kids and then got told by BM's mom that BM's family paid the same tuition (WOW!) that he realized he was being taken to the cleaners. After that, all bets were off.

Susanna's picture

Reading these posts is like hearing my own story from someone elses voice. Maybe while we're sitting around fretting over resentful step kids, and reading "Coping with Your New Family No Matter How They Act," they are reading "How to Screw Your Ex and His New Fam"

I mean, the level of evil is unreal. I never cared who my X's dated and as long as the children are being treated well, why waste the energy on a battle that will ultimately harm the children. I just really don't get it.

// Susanna

OldTimer's picture

SOOOOO THAT'S where she came from!!!! I just thought it was the bottom pit of Hell...

Do you think I can return her? I think mine is faulty... she doesn't have enough spunk in her anymore... Oh, wait, that's because she's finally gotten an upgrade in life.

}:)

Irishgirl's picture

I think my husband would stop and ask for directions if he thought there was a return factory for defective parents.
My stoy is a little differnt in the fact that we have full custdy, of his two kids and then we have two together, "our" 4 kids are great expect when the older ones leave to go to her house, really how can you mess up 4 days a month??? In one night the oler one is calling for me to go get him, I cant because she has the "right" to have them 4 days. what do I do as his step mom when he doesnt want to be there, but he doest want to fight with her by asking to come home, when he gets home he says stuff like you said you would protect me no matter what,where were you when she was calling me names and yelling and screaming because I was to loud, or I ate my apple wrong... then she turns around and hugs and kisses and spends 400.00 Ipod or a cell phone because she feels bad and donts want him to tell on her I just feel like I am raising 5 children and the oldest is 30 and should be put down like a lame horse. We haved tried everything EVERYTHING!!! talking to her going infront of a judge, sending letters nothing works to make her stop,behaving like a 16 year old girl,

Susanna's picture

I agree that generilizations tend to miss the mark. I know people that were genuinely abused or mistreated by step-parents and by bio-parents alike.

However, I think that when people act extraordinarily unreasonable, petty, nasty (fill in the adjective) that it is fair game to make jokes about them. When I have behaved cartoonishly stupid, I have been made fun of and I have no qualms about it.

With a legal system that is consistently dismissive of Father's rights and rarely acknowledges step-Moms, we are left with few options.

If people are bothered by my sense of humor in this forum I have no problems omiting that aspect of my post.

However, humor is one of my last outlets. I have to worry every time my husband goes to a drop off, that he will be arrested based on false accusations from his X. I have had to listen to my sister in law bawling her eyes out because her sons were legally barred from seeing my husband's daughter, a decision that divided the entire family. I have to go to court to defend my right to ride in the car for pick ups, even though I bother no one. I have the joy of reading the paperwork regarding the 1,000 dollars BM stole from my husband's teen daughter (different marriage)and teen's baby. And if that isn't enough, I get to listen to my six year old SD calling me sexualy derogatory names.

Now, ask me if I think this person deserves to be made fun of. As do other BM's that behave that way.

The legal system is designed to deal with the extremes of human behavior. The rest is left up to social controls, like having ridiculous behavior mocked.

Making fun of Step-Moms is redundant. That has already been taken care of by literature and fairy tales. We're the ones forcing Cinderella to do chores while we go off to the ball at the Castle.

In certain tribal cultures there were non-legal ways of dealing with outragious behavior. The offending person would be followed around all day by someone who would mimick the behavior that was irking everyone. It's a way of forcing self confrontation and I think it is more useful than a thousand sessions with a therapist asking "How do you feel when you drive the Father our of your child's life?" Tell me about your inner child?

The first time I met BM she was shouting vulgarities about my husband's genitals in front of the kids. I have no legal recourse at all. I hold my tongue around the kids, but I will be making fun of this sort of insano behavior much.

If I shouted obscenities about my ex-husband's genitals in front of the kids, BELIEVE ME. I would be picked on A LOT.

Just my two cents.
// Susanna

crazybiomom's picture

Any advice? My ex has not been a part of his son's life for 10 yrs (court ordered) due to emotional games he played with his child. Fast forward.....son is now in college and ex wants a relationship. Son says fine, but he doesn't want to discuss the past. What can I do as a Mom to help my son without talking badly about the ex?
Ex emailed wanting contact info, and accused me of making up memories of the abuse and instilling them in my son, so as to drive them apart.

He still denies the reality of what he did, claims it never happened, and tells absolutely crazy interpretations of it. For instance, he fell behind on child support and wouldn't catch up (self employed makeing well over $100k/yr). Says my lawyer, the judge, everyone was lying and crooked and I was psychotic for bringing lawsuits whenever he fell months behind in support and refused to pay bills.

How does one deal with such a person? I'm really afraid my son is going to be hurt again, but there doesn't seem to be much I can do about it. He's 19 yrs old.

Imustbcrazy's picture

Your son is an adult. You can't protect him from his father forever. If he has agreed to see his BioDad, let him go. He will see his Dad for who he truly is. Whether it be the nasty bastard he was in the past, or a "new changed man". If he is nasty, let your son decide if he wants to put up with that... if he is a "changed man" then awesome, it could be an opportunity for your son to have his Dad in his life without getting hurt. Either way, you can't control either one of them. I say just let be what is going to be... if he does let him down~ then be the shoulder to cry on.

Good luck to you! Hope to see you around here!

Daddys Gurl-

Life is as sweet as you sweeten it.

stamina's picture

"my son is finally grown." As hard as it is, you have to let him handle his own relationships now. I know how difficult that is as my son is also grown (21 yrs. old) and moved into his own place. His father now has cancer and he hasn't had anything to do with the kids since they were very young. I am so worried that something will happen to him before the kids have an opportunity to see him again. I am so worried about them having regrets, unfulfilled relationships with their father, etc. But I just cannot shoulder that anymore...as hard as it is we have to let them experience and know that we have given them the courage and the confidence to believe in themselves and their own personal courage. That is the hardest thing ever.

Anonymous's picture

Since I care to remember my step-daughter has been habitually lying. Even the smallest of things example: Did you brush your teeth? Yes! She is now a 20 yr old adult, and I have been run through the ringer with her. She stole her father's check blanks in 7th grade and wrote out checks to the school, at age 16 she attempted suicide because she thought we didn't buy her the car she wanted, and since she graduated high school,for the last year has moved back home 7 times, lost 5 jobs within 2 months of working them. During one of these times, she broke down the door to the house, stole a car radio/cd player right out of the dash, and her latest incident was she came to our house when we were at work and stole a ring that my grandmother had given me. I, not even being able to comprehend who could do such a thing, called the police, and within, 2 days they arrested her and recovered this ring from the pawn shop, which was quite expensive. She now sits in jail, we are on day 8, and she had the nerve to call us, and think we were going to bail to out. When I told her that she violated me, the result? She hung up on me! She has been in therapy since age 5, but every time someone calls her on a lie, she becomes enraged. She will blame every one under sun for anything if she thinks it will get her out of the hot seat. Now, 8 days into this nightmare, she refuses to call, since I told her she violated me, even to say I'm sorry. Her father and I have yet to hear or see any remorse, the only thing we are feeling is numb! She has begun spinning her webs of lying, and I am at the end of my rope. Any suggestions? Advise?

Irishgirl's picture

Hang on with both hands... She made all the choices that brought her to jail. Hold your head high and if need be your middle finger ever higher to the world no one has walked in your shoes you did nothing wrong by loving her and making her be held accountable for herself. dont worry she is not done calling you until you say she is done

chrissey's picture

I have been with my boyfriend for 4years now and I feel like I have walked into the deepest part of hell when it comes to his ex, I don't know what to do anymore she is making mine and his life a living hell, everytime we turn around she is calling the police on us saying that we abuse her son, she went as far as saying my boyfriend has sexually abused his son, shes called child services on us and everytime there is no evidence because there is no abuse going on, this woman has gone as far as accusing my 8year old son of abusing my step son, if he gets a scratch that is barely an inch long she is taking him to the hospital getting x-rays and cat scans it horrible not only for us but for the child to, when we do the child exchange we have to call an officer for a stan-by because if it is just us by our selves she tries to say we threaten her.Not only does she do all of this my step son is 5years old can barely talk like a 2year old, can not count not even to 5 or does he know any of his ABC's, he doesn't even know how to draw a stick figure, it is bad.My boyfriend and I decided that we were going to take her back to court to get full custody because of his developmental delays and now she is retaliating even more than before, my step son won't even talk to me or look at me and now shes telling the lawyer that she only has met me twice which is a lie and that i got very hostile towards her and irate with her mother, shes the one that threatened to hit me and i have never even met her mother, what am i supposed to do all I want is to help my step son be in a better environment where he can learn and be a kid, we want to teach him to ride a bike and play catch but right now we can't because if he gets hurt again the police will be at are door. We have taken her to court almost every year for contempt of court because when it is are turn for a holiday visitation she has a reason why he cannot go with us, or she just won't show up but the judge never does anything and now we have 5years of evidence piled up on my living room and have spent almost 10,000 dollars on this new court case but i mean is the judge going to do the right thing or just slap her on the wrist and let her keep destroying our lives and my step sons life, seriously what can we do to make the BS stop I really don't know what to do and no one I know has ever been in a situation with a crazy lady like this so if any of you have advise please help me.

LIES! LIES! LIES!'s picture

My ex wife always lies over the phone or through emails. I will ask her the same questions, but in different ways, and she always has a different story to tell. I have custody of our daughter, and when I would call her up to ask her if she would be visiting with her over her weekend....she would constantly make up or lie her way out of seeing her. Every court hearing that we have had, she would go into court and LIE her way out of child support. She would call up the prosecutor and tell her that she has no means of taking care of herself cause her and her spouse split up, let alone paying child support for our daughter. But yet, the next time her and the prosecutor spoke she changed her story and got caught. The judge based her child support on a LIE. She claimed she was only working two-three days a week, but YET when it was her weekend to pick up our daughter for her visit she said she couldn't due to her job. She claimed she worked seven days a week, but couldn't afford $100.00/month in child support. I am sooooo happy that we are divorced and she is out of my life! I couldn't handle the LIES anymore!!

Stressed12345's picture

I have been helping my man to raise his son since he was 10 months old. Little to my suprise when I found out what I was in for when I met the kids mother. The first day I met her she seemed nice, and I thought hey it would be good if we got along if I am going to be in her sons life. Boy was I wrong. The second day I was around her she was giving me and my BF a ride (with her son in the car mind you) to go get our stuff out of a car we wrecked. The car had been in her name and insurance. Anyway after getting our stuff and on the way home she got a call that they had forgot to leave the keys and so they wouldnt be able to tow the car home. She immediatley started yelling uncontrolably and (on the highway, with her kid in the car) swirved over to the side of the road). My BF got out of the car and because of the baby I stayed in the car. This woman took her shoe off and started running after him. I was in shock! That is just the beginning. Apparently from day one she would leave the baby in his crib all day while she slept. We would come to pick him up at like noon and she would be sleeping with beer cans all over while he was just sitting by himself in the crib. After I made him stop paying her rent she had to move in with her mom for a couple of years where in the beginning they had went to court to determine custody, support, etc. I became pregnant. during this time. The next couple of years (while she lived with her mom) were ok I guess. I later learned that was just because her mom was pretty much doing everything and that is why things went so smoothly. In the order he gets to take his son sunday evening at 6 through wed at 230 pm, and the other week is monday at 8 am-wed 230. He was also ordered to pay her support of like $65 per week based before they had finished the custody order and he only had him one night per week. Mind you, at this time he is only 1 year old so school is not involved yet. In the very beginning after the court order, they both agreed to have everything completley seperate..dipers, clothing, etc. So if he would come in an outfit, he would go home in one of the ones we bought along with her's washed and folded, and the same when he would come to our house he would always come in something she bought (wait, sorry, something her mom bought) and the stuff we bought washed and folded. No big deal. A while later we moved and she moved into her own low income apartment. Mind she has never held a job for longer than four months the whole time, but she was going to college while staying with her mom. Right after she moved into her place things just got worse. She wanted us to take him more which was great, but she never buys him anything. She drinks a lot and fights with people in front of her son. Whenever he has a doctor appointment she can not take him, but come halloween and forget it we cant have him. We took her back to court because he was so afraid to go home and would throw a tantrum when she came to pick him up because she was fist fighting with her boyfriend right in front of him. Child services had to come out to our house too! She was making her son lie to us and keep things from us, because he told us of many times that he had seen his mom and her BF and other guys fight too. We got an annonymous call saying that we need to get him away from her and that she is hurting him bad. There were more than one child services call on her,and one of them was saying that her son was pretending to cut his wrists. She also got a DWI. It was ridiculous. We spent a few times and court,and she showed documents that said she was getting mental help, that she had depression and was in anger management, and taking medication. That was it, things stay the same, no change. She agreed to put her son in counseling too, and just never did. Of course my BF doesnt ever mention it again either which is annoying. I think he needs it bad. He walks around sucking his thumb still. He seems real afraid to show his emotions. He says his mom never hangs out with him and all she ever does is lay in bed. Since we went back to court things have only gotten worse because now she knows there is nothing we can do. Let me tell you his dad takes him 7 miles away for school every mon tue and wed there and back, while she sits on her ass has him two days for school a block from her house while someone else gets him on and off the bus (because for some strange reason she has been working full time for the last 6 months) and then has him all weekend where he says all she does is sleep, or he goes to grammas. He also says that his mom doesnt feed him all the time. He will come here on sunday night about 7pm, and say he only had breakfast, or he will be sleeping too when my BF goes to get him. This is not just once in a while this is every weekend. He was at my moms not too long ago and was like well Im going to my moms tonight so I might not get dinner. He also drew a picture we found in his school folder that was him eating saying sometimes I am hungary. So my BF would start calling on sunday and asking to pick him up early saying we were trying to figure out dinner hoping she would just let us get him but she would say she would feed him dinner than he will come over and have only had a PB&J sandwhich. Mind you my BF has never spoke up to her or confronted her on any of this. He just says there is nothing he can do, and why bother? Thats not all either. He has a condition which has him take medicine 5 times per day and doctor visits and tests every 3 months. She has custody of him but we have been doing all that and his 6 month dentist visits (which she has never done) for over a year now without her even so much as asking about the visits or tests. He also says that his mom (who has the same condition as him) doesn't give him his medicine ever anymore. Well the tests show that things are fine, but we dont know if this will hurt him in the long run. His doctors is also 40 minutes away. Every year for the past 3 years we have bought him his shoes, backpack, everything. Last year it was freezing rain when my BF went to pick him up and he had no winter coat (no coat at all!) and she was like, "Oh, I haven't got to get him one yet." So we immediatley went out and bought him a brand new coat for $30 the next day. We also bought it a bit big so he could wear it for two years. Now it is the beginning of next winter (she has also been working full time for the last 6 months, and even by a COLA gets $75 per week from us) she has been sending him only with the inside (spring jacket) of the winter coat we bought him last year. My BF goes to pick him up and doesnt even say anything! He sends him home in a sweatshirt with the spring coat that week. Well the next monay (it was snowing) and he picks him up from school and he is still only wearing a spring coat! What is her problem!!!! I just don't know what to do. I am so lost in this situation. It affects us sometimes because we fight because I want him to all her and say our son says you dont feed him and what is your problem? How could you let him freeze with no coat? He just lets everthing go. She sits on her ass, does nothing, has custody, and only participates with her son when it is convienent for her like holiday. She works full time gets all that money from us, but then we get "visitation" and do and buy everything for him. I know my BF is right, in the long run his son will see who took care of him, and believe me he all ready sees plenty. I still think even if we cant get the title of custody (even though we might as well) we should atleast get the support lowered due to how much we have to spend each week on him, and more! I am not against paying her support and never have been, but now she so obviously doesnt spend anything on him. She wont even buy him a coat! She does absolutley nothing moetary for him what so ever. For christ sakes she barley feeds him! And when she does it is either PB&J or grilled cheese. If he gets anything new likes shoes or an outfit his gramma bought it. He talks and she just doesn't get it. He is now 6 years old.Thats not just it either, she will send him to school in clothes that dont fit him and so we will send him back in something that does, then he will come over in something that doesn't..if you can see the end result of this cycle is that we end up with nothing that fits him which in turn makes us have to continuously have to go out and buy him more clothes. (remember we only have "visitation" with him, so in all reality we shouldnt have to have more than a few outfits here for him), however he always has as much clothes as if he were here every day of the week, but we continuously have to keep buying more, because I will not send him to school in clothes that don't fit him. He has once in the past couple of years asked her to send some of the clothes back our way, but she just ignores him. My BF refuses to take her back for the support or even mention anything to her like you need to buy him a coat, or why are you putting size 3t pants on him when he wears a size 5??? I am at my wits end with this woman. After paying her support there is no way he would even be able to afford driving him to school if it weren't for me working full time now. So yes I get very distraught over this stuff and I don't mean to sound petty about money, but it seems wrong to me? I know there is nothing I can do, but it makes me so sad to see him be abused like this. She so obviously neglects him and knows there is nothing we can do. I do not understand how someone could treat there own flesh and blood the way that she does. I just need some opinions. Am I wrong? Should I do the same thing my BF does and just ignore it all? I sometimes get so angry and just don't see how I could ignore it when he comes over in the snow with no coat, or comes over at 7pm having had no meals while he says his mom took him to the mall and bought herself a shirt, while he doesn't even get fed! It's sick. I sometimes think we may split up because I can't seem to let this neglect go. I need to vent about it. Does anyone have any suggestions? Please dont say bring her back to court to fight for custody because we all ready tried and obviously that is not going to happen.

TwiggyTwig09's picture

Well I am glad to hear that my husband is not the only one with a crazy ex! He had one child with her, and she had already had an older boy. When my husband was married to his ex, she cheated on him non-stop, especially while he was in Iraq. He came back from his 3rd tour and she was pregnant with someone else's child! So he went and filed for divorce, when he came to get his things mainly his big screen, and she was so pissed she decided to call the MP's and tell them that he had raped her. They arrested him, and from that point on she was out to ruin his whole life. She had mixed up her stories so many times in court, and there wasn't enough evidence. The case was thrown out, but she wasn't going to settle for that. She made a myspace page that basically told everything about him and his command, except for the SSN's. She also contacted her congressman and asked why he ex was getting away with rape! So another courtmarshall came around, and he was not guilty, because she couldn't keep her story straight! During that time period she had him arrested so many times, because she told the MP's that he kept stalking her even though he had witnesses that he was not even near her. Shortly after, she disappeared with his son, her son and her new husband for 18 months. My husband was never able to to see or talk to his son. She finally came back and we took her to court and the court ordered her to let him see his son and he got 50/50 custody!!

So I've been dealing with her for about 3 years now, and every 2 to 3 months she calls CPS on us, just to cause drama! CPS would never find us abusive! She told the Child Support court that she was unable to work because of disability. She would never bring proof though, but we still had to pay her every month, even though we had 50/50!

I love my Step Son, he is a blessing!!! But all see does mess with his mind, and lie to everyone around her! Recently she left the state for 3 months, and tried to take him with her. BUt the judge told her that's not in the best interest of her son. So we got temporary custody until she returns. During the past year, her husband has beat her and her oldest son! And CPS has a report on it. A month before she left state ofr 3 months, my step son showed up with a black eye, and I asked her what happened, all she could do is shrug and say I have no idea. And my step Sonjust kept saying he poked it, he's five and poking his eye doesn't do the damage that was there. We called CPS, and they investigated! They found that it did not happen at school, and that his mom still said she didn't know. But CPS knowing the history of abuse in her house knew there was something going on. They interviewed my Step Son at his Mom's house and he acted very hateful, like everything his said was with a hateful tone, and he wasn't very playful like normal children. Then they interviewed him at my house after she had left state, and he was the direct oppoiste! We got full custody, and she only has every other weekend when she returns!

But I know when she returns soon, that there will be more drama from her, and I'm concerned for my step Son!!!!

I didn't put all the details in this long thing, but it is way worse than what I have discribed! I just don't get why some people have to be so vendictive, and selfish!!! Because it's only harming their children!!!!!