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Dealing with "divorce daddy guilt" and spolied brat ready to scream

Heather8Ann's picture

So frustrated and going to vent so apologizing ahead of time for the rant. How do you deal with a wonderful,loving, supportive caring man who is perfect EXCEPT when his kid is involved. When it comes to JR. I seriously think my man needs his head examined. Like I posted before we will buy JR something make him PROMISE it wont disappear(meaning end up over to BM's house) but it ALWAYS does. YES I don't buy him anything any more but BD does and since we live together and split ALL household bills/expensive ultimately I do pay for it one way or another.

BD has 50/50 custody(unfortunately) which means they get to see each other alot. Well ONCE a year BD and I take a week long vacation which means the way their custody visitation is set up BD will miss three evening visits with JR. BM being a witch(NOT the word I want to use) refuses to let BD make up or switch days. Not my problem. EVERY year BD dreads telling JR this as JR has a fit he wont see daddy for a whole week(sarcasm). JR is going into middle school. JR has no problem going away on vacation with BM for a week and not seeing BD BUT if he thinks BD is going away with me EVEN if its no place he would want to go he throws a crying temper tantrum. You should hear BD try and reason with the brat. I will also add we take JR away on vacation every year for TWO WEEKS. The last two years we cut our trip short because BD was so upset by the little Brat's attitude when we told him we were going on week vacation. Yes BD WOULD have still gone away with me but he would have been MISERABLE the whole time and like who wants that. I'll stay home and be miserable and save the money! Well its time again for us to plan our yearly week long summer vacation in July and I can already tell BD is dreading telling JR. JR will cry and say "WHY do you have to go" and BD will say I have to and JR will scream back "NO YOU DON"T YOU WANT TO!" quite the little manipulater he is takes after BM. Every year its the same thing.  Good God I really think i need to drink more......

georgina29's picture

Ugh I know all to well what you are talking about. My Stepdaughter is 5 and describing her as a brat is putting it very lightly. I've often wondered if she has some sort of mood disorder as well other than her just being a spoiled brat who is a product of lax parenting. She is VERY rude and poorly behaved, talks back to adults regularly, says mean things, screams, cries and throws tantrums if she doesn't get her way, does not listen to her mother or father when told what to do even when told multiple times, throws tantrums that are appropriate for a 2 year old, refuses to walk short distances around the block with the family and insists on being pushed in a stroller that is too small for her (she looks ridiculous in it), is mean to the family pet, is disgusting at the dinner table, regularly spits out and plays with food, is rude and demanding and has no manners whatsoever and leaves a huge mess. She eats like a pig. She is very jealous of her brother and frequently tries fighting with him over everything and will pinch, sit on top of him and kick him and call him names. I have addressed this to my husband who does not want to hear it. He does not think his daughter's behavior is that bad which is strange to me. On top of that grandma (my husband's mother) re enforces that she doesnt believe step daughters behavior is that bad either and practices permisive parenting and doesnt believe in telling kids no. She spoils them and is overly involved in my husbands life.  A 30 something year old man should not be talking on the phone to his mother multiple times a day and letting her control his life. It's weird and creepy. His mother doesnt like me but I guess she didn't get the memo that I don't care. Her son has a lot of baggage, bratty rude kids, a useless ex, a lot of debt, and her, the overbearing mother in law who doesnt respect her daughter in law and appreciate the things shes done for her son and grandkids when they havent been that nice in return. Her son is good looking but also very moody and not enjoyable to be around sometimes. His mother is out of touch with this. His mother also is out of touch with what her son brings to the table in a relationship which is really just dirty dishes and a big mess with some yummy crumbs once a great while. lol. She expects someone to marry her son and pick up his mess and make all the sacrifices for him.  Healthy relationships don't work that way. She is out of touch with reality.

futurestepmom95670's picture

My FMIL is a piece of work too! He's expected to be at every family function until he's married off and another woman is taking care of him. MY family functions don't matter, only his. And she'll bad mouth him to the rest of the family if he chooses to come to my family events. 

My favorite is when she offers to take care of FSD7, or take her somewhere for the weekend, then plays it off like Daddy doesn't care about precious perfect daughter. The woman literally offered to fight BM for full custody and take FSD7 to Arizona...I told FDH, "yeah, so she can play it off like you're a deadbeat dad and she's the hero of the century?" 

She also likes to promise FSD7 "Daddy will pick you up and take you bowling tomorrow" without consulting him first. Does he have money for that? Does he have something else planned for them? Maybe he has to work or do something around the house? 

I literally have fought FDH about his financial irresponsibility daily for the past year. He's come a long way. She doesn't see that, she just sees I'm taking her little boy from her. The boy you raised to be irresponsible and selfish? She did the stay at home helicopter mom thing...he never made his own bed, never had to hold a job to pay his own bills, he just got to play. And I met a 36 year old man who still didn't make his own bed, worked when he felt like it, and always wanted to play. He now works full time, pays bills in the house, and has a budget he is adhering to. She should be THANKING me....but she doesn't have control over him now. 


CompletelyPuzzled's picture

Is there a reason DH needs to specifically announce you are going on vacation? It seems like he spends alot of time worrying about this. Also, he should probabl stop feeding into SS tantrums and giving in. Of course the kid is going to pull this crap because it gets him what he wants.

Heather8Ann's picture

Hello THANK YOU! I tell BD the same thing. If it was up to me BD would call JR ONCE mid week when we were on vacation and thats would be the first time JR would hear about our vacation from BD. I say let BM tell JR and let him flip a nut out on her. BD feels the need to tell JR ahead of time to prepare him but I feel screw that as you know how the little brat is going to act. Again agree if BD stopped feeding into the daddy guilt when JR had his hissy fit about our vacation I bet JR would stop. Once I would LOVE BD to say "to bad I'm going away with SM and if you don't like it deal with it". Think I would crap my pants right there just to see the little brats face!

notsobad's picture

Book a week away with your girlfriends. Go to Mexico and lay on a beach. Post on social media everyday what a fabulous time you are having.

Let DH stay home with his child.